by GYBS » Mon Mar 23, 2009 2:16 pm
Rafael Benitez is the ultimate perfectionist and as hard to please as any manager in football.
Even after yesterday's 5-0 victory over Aston Villa, Benitez looked about as happy as Cheryl Cole after she got that text while following Chris Moyles' backside up a mountain. "Don’t get me wrong, I am really happy," Benitez said. "The players are doing a fantastic job, but always can improve a little bit.”
In his autobiography, Steven Gerrard gave us an insight into the Benitez mindset. "If Liverpool win and I stick away a dead good hat-trick and do ninety-eight things right and two wrong, Rafa will pull me up sharpish. ‘Stevie, about those two mistakes,’ he will say. Nothing about the hat-trick or the ninety-eight good things ... My aim is still to get a ‘well done’ off Rafa before I retire. But then, if he gives me a ‘well done’, I might need treatment and a long lie-down."
So here's our shot at coming up with five things that will make Rafa come as close to smiling as he did when he passed that last kidney stone (and it wasn't easy... the list not the kidney stone)
1. The Kop to sing Lucas Leiva's name and hail him as their new hero as he is brought on at Anfield.
2. Benitez to be offered improved terms on yet another new contract in which he is given control of players' wages, staff wages, length and colour of players' hair, season ticket prices, appointment of Melwood cleaning staff, temperature in the stadium, the weather, ...
3. Sir Alex Ferguson to crack under the intense pressure of the title race and in an impassioned post-match interview with Sky Sports' Geoff Shreeves (scheduling permitting, of course) the Scot to say that "he would love it, just love it if he beat Liverpool."
4. Rick Parry left to carry his own personal effects through the Shankly Gates after negotiations with removal company collapse.
5. Liverpool to beat Jurgen Klinsmann's Bayern Munich in the semi-final of this season's Champions League
