Liverpool FC Forum

by **redhayesy** » Mon Mar 01, 2010 9:12 pm

I'm sick of people knocking on my door looking for donations. just had one women from the sperm bank, feck me did i give her a mouthfull.

by **redhayesy** » Mon Mar 01, 2010 9:16 pm

i was driving past a field the other day when i saw a scarecrow trying to to have a w@nk.

i thought to myself......... that feckers clutching at straws!

by **RED BEERGOGGLES** » Wed Mar 03, 2010 5:55 pm

What have Paul McCartney and Everton got in common ...
They both get excited over one leg

by **RED BEERGOGGLES** » Wed Mar 03, 2010 9:51 pm

Man in old peoples home says to his Son on a visit "do you know what Son this place is fantastic ,I got an erection while the nurse was giving me a blanket bath and she jumped on me and rid me like a horse "...

Next day son returns to visit asks his Dad how he's doing ,"I fu*king hate the place get me the fuc* out Son "
son says "Why Dad ?
Well Son this morning I fell over and this male nurse bummed the life out of me
Son says "well Dad you have to take the rough with the smooth "
Dad says "Fu*k you Son I get an erection three times a year ,but I fuc*ing fall over four times a day

by **RED BEERGOGGLES** » Wed Mar 03, 2010 9:55 pm

Man says to Wife "Went for my pension this morning and I had to show the grey hairs on my chest for proof "
Woman replies "Should have shown them your dick you would have got a Fu*king disability pension as well" .......

by **roberto green** » Wed Mar 03, 2010 10:14 pm

A Husband and his wife were driving down the road when he spots a badger in the raod, so he stops and goes over to the badger touching it and realising that it's cold and wet but still alive so he picks it up and goes back to his car and tells his wife that they will nurse it back to good health, the husband says to his wife "we need to put this badger somewehere warm, put it between your legs" so the wife puts the badger between her legs then says "but it's wet and it stinks" to which her husband says "Well put a f[U]cking peg on it's nose then.

by **Judge** » Fri Mar 05, 2010 11:49 am

The 10 qualities of the perfect girlfriend

Truthful
Intelligent
Gentle
Humble
Tolerant
Polite
Understanding
Sexy
Smart
Youthful

In short

T.I.G.H.T. P.U.S.S.Y

by **dawson99** » Fri Mar 05, 2010 11:52 am

roberto green wrote:A Husband and his wife were driving down the road when he spots a badger in the raod, so he stops and goes over to the badger touching it and realising that it's cold and wet but still alive so he picks it up and goes back to his car and tells his wife that they will nurse it back to good health, the husband says to his wife "we need to put this badger somewehere warm, put it between your legs" so the wife puts the badger between her legs then says "but it's wet and it stinks" to which her husband says "Well put a f[U]cking peg on it's nose then.

by **Reg** » Fri Mar 12, 2010 2:23 am

I was in Tesco´s the other day pushing my cart around when I collided with a young guy pushing his cart. I said to the young guy,
"Sorry about that. I'm looking for my wife and I guess I wasn't paying attention to where I was going". The young guy says, "That's OK.
It's a coincidence. I'm looking for my wife, too.I can't find her and I'm getting a little desperate."

I said, "Well, maybe we can help each other. What does your wife look like?? The young guy says, "Well, she is 24 years old, tall, with blond hair, big blue eyes, long legs, big boobs, and she's wearing tights, white shorts, a halter top and no bra. What does your wife look like?" I said, "Doesn't matter...... let's look for yours first."?

by **Reg** » Fri Mar 12, 2010 2:25 am

Little Johnny's at it again...... A new teacher was trying to make use of her psychology courses. She started her class by saying, 'Everyone who thinks they're stupid, stand up!' After a few seconds, Little Johnny stood up. The teacher said, 'Do you think you're stupid, Little Johnny?' 'No, ma'am, but I hate to see you standing there all by yourself!'

* * * * * * * * * * *

Little Johnny watched, fascinated, as his mother smoothed cold cream on her face. 'Why do you do that, mommy?' he asked. 'To make myself beautiful,' said his mother, who then began removing the cream with a tissue. 'What's the matter?' asked Little Johnny. 'Giving up?'

* * * * * * * * * * *

The maths teacher saw that little Johnny wasn't paying attention in class.. She called on him and said,

'Johnny! What are 2 and 4 and 28 and 44?' Little Johnny quickly replied, 'NBC, FOX, ESPN and the Cartoon Network!'

* * * * * * * * * * *

Little Johnny's kindergarten class was on a field trip to their local police station where they saw pictures tacked to a bulletin board of the 10 most wanted criminals. One of the youngsters pointed to a picture and asked if it really was the photo of a wanted person. 'Yes,' said the policeman. 'The detectives want very badly to capture him. Little Johnny asked, " Why didn't you keep him when you took his picture ? "

(Now comes my favorite)

* * * * * * * * * * *

Little Johnny attended a horse auction with his father. He watched as his father moved from horse to horse, running his hands up and down the horse's legs and rump, and chest.. After a few minutes, Johnny asked, 'Dad, why are you doing that?' His father replied, 'Because when I'm buying horses, I have to make sure that they are healthy and in good shape before I buy. Johnny, looking worried, said, 'Dad, I think the UPS guy is getting ready to buy Mum ..'

by **Sabre** » Fri Mar 12, 2010 10:57 am

This is the story of a Liverpool emigrant that went to Madrid and had a son.

The son went to school, and the teacher was talking about being part of a crowd, and she talked about being, for instance, a Real Madrid supporter, which is a great thing.

The teacher went: How many of you are Real Madrid fans?

All the class rised their hands except the Liverpool emigrant's son.

Teacher: Aren't you a Real Madrid fan, John?

John: No.

Teacher: Why?

John: Because I'm a Liverpool fan.

Teacher: Why is that? Real Madrid have 9 CL, it's been awarded with the XX century club, they're greater.

John: I'm a Liverpool fan. My father is a Liverpool fan

Teacher: But you have to have your own opinions, you can't always follow your father, what would you do if your mother was a street whore and your father a thief?

John: I'd be a Real Madrid fan.

I don't know if translated it's funny at all

by **andy_g** » Mon Mar 15, 2010 9:28 am

Doctor: "I've got very bad news. You've got cancer and Alzheimer's."
Patient: "Well, at least I don't have cancer"

by **polybent** » Thu Mar 18, 2010 1:34 pm

here's an oldie...

Two hunters are out in the woods when one of them collapses.
He doesn't seem to be breathing and his eyes are glazed.
The other guy whips out his phone and calls the emergency services.
He gasps, "My friend is dead! What can I do?".
The operator says "Calm down. I can help. First, let's make sure he's dead."
There is a silence, then a shot is heard.
Back on the phone, the guy says "OK, now what?"

by Gurpal Gosall
:blues:

by **RED BEERGOGGLES** » Thu Mar 18, 2010 2:16 pm

Bizzies are on a school visit in Liverpool about the dangers of shoplifting ,bizzie asks little Johnny his name Little Johnny says Jim

by **laza** » Thu Mar 18, 2010 2:31 pm

Financial planning - rule No 1.

Dan was a single guy living at home with his father and working in the
family business. When he found out he was going to inherit a fortune
when his sickly father died, he decided he needed a wife with which to share his
fortune. One evening at an investment meeting he spotted the most
beautiful woman he had ever seen.

Her natural beauty took his breath away. "I may look like just an ordinary man," he said to her, but in
just a few years, my father will die, and I'll inherit $200 million." Impressed, the woman obtained his business card and three days later, she became his stepmother
...Women are so much better at financial planning than men.

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