Liverpool FC Forum

[LFC2007]

How is that funny?

I have influenced your posting style   

[made in UK]

How is that funny?

I have influenced your posting style   

Oh, I get it now. 

[Greavesie]

two priests at a buckin bronco contest, one manages to stay on for 5 minutes.
' me' says one priest, 'How'd you manage that?'
'Easy', his mate says, 'one of the altar boys is an epileptic'

[Dundalk]

dinamo bukarest - everton 5-1


     

[made in UK]

After Wayne Bridge refused to play for England while John Terry remains captain, fans are now urging JT to try it on with Emile Heskey's wife.

[heimdall]

Because of people like you

So I'm getting to you? 

How is that funny?

[heimdall]

After Wayne Bridge refused to play for England while John Terry remains captain, fans are now urging JT to try it on with Emile Heskey's wife.

[redhayesy]

Wayne Bridge sent his missus a replica of his c0ck made from cadburys choclate, she said she prefers Terrys!

[RED BEERGOGGLES]

A young married couple are shopping in Tesco's the wife bends over the frozen section and the Husband notices she's not wearing any knickers "Fu*k me Girl where's your draws "the Husband says
Wife says "How am I supposed to afford any with the money I get off you" , husband says "Ere you go babe go and get some "and hands her a wad of notes ,Old Girl clocks this and thinks to herself I will try that ,so she goes the toilet whips of her draws and comes back out ,she then follows the young Wifes lead and bends over the freezer ,"Fu*king hell Queen why aint you got any knickers on to which the old Girl says "How can I afford them with the Money I get off you "  To which the Old Fella replies "Here you go Queen here's a comb at least put it in a fu*king centre part

[GRAHAM01]

I  Owe My Mother   
  **************************************
1.  My mother taught me TO APPRECIATE A  JOB WELL DONE .
"If you're going to kill each other, do  it outside.. I just finished cleaning."

2. My mother taught me RELIGION. 
"You better pray that will come out of the carpet.."

3.  My mother taught me about TIME  TRAVEL.
"If you don't straighten up, I'm going to knock  you into the middle of next week!"

4. My mother taught me LOGIC.
"  Because I said so, that's why."

5. My mother taught me MORE LOGIC . 
"If you fall out of that swing and break your neck, you're not going  to the store with me."

6. My  mother taught me FORESIGHT.
"Make sure you wear clean  underwear, in case you're in an accident."

7. My mother taught me IRONY. 
"Keep crying, and I'll give you something to cry about."

8.  My mother taught me about the  science of OSMOSIS .
"Shut your mouth and eat your  supper.."

9.. My mother taught  me about CONTORTIONISM.
"Will you look at that dirt on  the back of your neck!"

10. My mother taught me about STAMINA  .
"You'll sit there until all that spinach is gone."

11.  My mother taught me about  WEATHER.
"This room of yours looks as if a tornado went  through it."

12. My mother  taught me about HYPOCRISY.
"If I told you once, I've  told you a million times. Don't exaggerate!"

13. My mother taught me the CIRCLE OF  LIFE.
"I brought you into this world, and I can take  you out...."

14. My mother  taught me about BEHAVIOR MODIFICATION .
"Stop acting  like your father!"

15.. My  mother taught me about ENVY.
"There are millions of  less fortunate children in this world who don't have wonderful parents  like you do."

16. My mother  taught me about ANTICIPATION.
"Just wait until we get  home."

17. My mother taught  me about RECEIVING .
"You are going to get it when you  get home!"

18. My mother  taught me MEDICAL SCIENCE.
"If you don't stop crossing  your eyes, they are going to get stuck that way."

19. My mother taught me ESP.
"Put  your sweater on; don't you think I know when you are cold?"

20.  My mother taught me  HUMOR.
"When that lawn mower cuts off your toes, don't  come running to me."

21. My  mother taught me HOW TO BECOME AN ADULT .
"If you don't  eat your vegetables, you'll never grow up..."

22. My mother taught me GENETICS. 
"You're just like your father."

23. My mother taught me about my  ROOTS.
"Shut that door behind you.  Do you think  you were born in a barn?"

24. My mother taught me WISDOM. 
"When you get to be my age, you'll understand."

And my  favorite:  25.  My mother taught me about JUSTICE  .
"One day you'll have kids, and I hope they turn out  just like you !"

[roberto green]

Paddy is doing some home removal work and is carrying a wardrobe along the road.Mary the next door neighbour spots him and says "Hey Paddy that wardrobe looks heavy I'll get Mick to give you a hand" Paddy says thats ok Mick is inside carrying the clothes"

[redhayesy]

clubbers in yorkshire have taken to using dental syringes to inject Ecstacy directly into their mouths, This dangerous practise is known as 'E by gum'

[made in UK]

hubby says to wife "do you fancy playing the rape game?"

wife says "no!"

hubby says "thats the spirit!"

[stmichael]

hubby says to wife "do you fancy playing the rape game?"

wife says "no!"

hubby says "thats the spirit!"

[bunglemark2]

hubby says to wife "do you fancy playing the rape game?"

wife says "no!"

hubby says "thats the spirit!"