Liverpool FC Forum

[Reg]

You couldnt make this up, you really couldnt...

http://www.telegraph.co.uk/news....ty.html

[stmichael]

I walked down a street where the houses were numbered 64K, 128K, 256K, 512K and 1MB.

That was a trip down memory lane.

[bunglemark2]

I walked down a street where the houses were numbered 64K, 128K, 256K, 512K and 1MB.

That was a trip down memory lane.

You should be shot for that....

[Boocity]

GHOST SEX

A professor at the Auburn University was giving a lecture on the supernatural.

To get a feel for his audience, he asks, 'How many people here believe in ghosts?'

About 90 students raise their hands.

'Well, that's a good start. Out of those who believe in ghosts, do any of you think you have seen a ghost?'

About 40 students raise their hands.

'That's really good. I'm really glad you take this seriously. Has anyone here ever talked to a ghost?'

About 15 students raise their hand.

'Has anyone here ever touched a ghost?'

Three students raise their hands.

'That's fantastic. Now let me ask you one question further....Have any of you ever made love to a ghost?'

Way in the back, Bubba raises his hand.

The professor takes off his glasses, and says 'Son, all the years I've been giving this lecture, no one has ever claimed to have made love to a ghost. You've got to come up here and tell us about your experience.'

The big redneck student replied with a nod and a grin, and began to make his way up to the podium.

When he reached the front of the room, the professor asks, 'So, Bubba, tell us what it's like to have sex with a ghost?'




Bubba replied,  " Sh!t, from way back there I thought you said Goats."

[RED BEERGOGGLES]

Daffy Duck on a dirty weekend calls down to reception and asks for condoms ,receptionist says "certainly sir shall I put them on your bill "
Daffy says " Donth be thuckin thupid I'would  thuffocate"

[roberto green]

GHOST SEX

A professor at the Auburn University was giving a lecture on the supernatural.

To get a feel for his audience, he asks, 'How many people here believe in ghosts?'

About 90 students raise their hands.

'Well, that's a good start. Out of those who believe in ghosts, do any of you think you have seen a ghost?'

About 40 students raise their hands.

'That's really good. I'm really glad you take this seriously. Has anyone here ever talked to a ghost?'

About 15 students raise their hand.

'Has anyone here ever touched a ghost?'

Three students raise their hands.

'That's fantastic. Now let me ask you one question further....Have any of you ever made love to a ghost?'

Way in the back, Bubba raises his hand.

The professor takes off his glasses, and says 'Son, all the years I've been giving this lecture, no one has ever claimed to have made love to a ghost. You've got to come up here and tell us about your experience.'

The big redneck student replied with a nod and a grin, and began to make his way up to the podium.

When he reached the front of the room, the professor asks, 'So, Bubba, tell us what it's like to have sex with a ghost?'




Bubba replied,  " Sh!t, from way back there I thought you said Goats."

class that one

[roberto green]

Merseyside police have refused to comment on reports that Rafa Benitez and Sammy Lee attempted to smuggle a corpse on board a flight at John Lennon Airport.The dead man was allegedly in a wheelchair and wearing sunglasses.Liverpool F.C have quickly rubbished these rumours and have issued a statement claiming that Alberto Aqualani was definitely alive when they signed him in the summer

[kazza]

A man in bed after sex with his new Thai wife who kept stroking his penis. He asks "do you like it that much?' She replies "no, I just miss mine."

[bunglemark2]

Merseyside police have refused to comment on reports that Rafa Benitez and Sammy Lee attempted to smuggle a corpse on board a flight at John Lennon Airport.The dead man was allegedly in a wheelchair and wearing sunglasses.Liverpool F.C have quickly rubbished these rumours and have issued a statement claiming that Alberto Aqualani was definitely alive when they signed him in the summer

Love that one...

[rocky29]

Were gona finish fourth this season?

[Dundalk]

A man goes to a 24 hour garage late at night and says to the girl at the window "can I have a kitkat chunky?"

The girl walks off and returns with a kitkat chunky.

"No" says the man, "I wanted a normal kitkat you fat b!tch".

[dawson99]

The CIA wants to find out how guns are being smuggled from the U.S. to the IRA in Ireland. They learn that the guns pass through the town of Crannagh, so they send Murphy there to investigate.
       Every Monday at 11 AM he phones in a coded progress report. The first Monday he reports that he has met some people he suspects are IRA members. The second Monday he reports that he has found out where the IRA meets. The third Monday he reports that he has the confidence of some confirmed IRA members, and that they will introduce him to the leaders soon. The next Monday there is no report, nor the following Monday.
       So they send Reilly to find out what happened to Murphy. When she arrives, she goes straight to the tavern, and gets friendly with the bartender. Once she feels they have bonded, she asks where she can find Murphy. "Well," says the bartender, "if it's Murphy the constable you want, you just go out to the High Road, take a left and go 4 blocks to the police station."
       Reilly describes the man she wants. The bartender says, "Ah, that sounds like Murphy the farmer. Well, you follow Bog Street down the hill to the edge of town, bear right and keep going 2 more miles."
       Reilly explains that the man she's looking for just came from America about 5 or 6 weeks before. "Oh," answers the bartender, "you want Murphy the spy."

[account deleted by request]

that joke reminded me of this one :-

A young man is walking through a small village one day and decides to stop by a bar and have a beer. He walks into a bar, and sees a grizzled old man, crying into his beer. Curious, the young man sits down and says, "Hey old timer, why the long face?"
The old man looks at him and points out the window, "See that dock out there? I built that dock with my own two hands, plank by plank, nail by nail, but do they call me McGregor the dockbuilder? No, no."
The old man continued, "And see that ship out there? I've been fishing these waters for my village for 35 years! But do they call me McGregor the fisherman? No, no."
The old man continued, "And see all the crops in the farms out there? I planted and have been farming those crops for my village for nearly 45 years! But do they call me McGregor the farmer? No, no."
The old man starts to cry again, "But you feck one goat..."

[account deleted by request]

One fine sunny morning, the irish priest took a walk in the local forest. He had been walking by the small stream when he noticed a sad, sad looking frog sitting on a toadstool.

"What's wrong with you?" said the irish priest.

"Well," said the frog, "the reason I am so sad on this fine day is because I wasn't always a frog."

"Really!" said the irish priest. "Can you explain!"

"Once upon a time I was an 11 year old Choir boy at the local church. I too was walking through this forest when I was confronted by the wicked witch of the forest. 'Let me pass!' I yelled, but to no avail. She called me a cheeky little boy and with a flash of her wand, turned me into this frog you see before you."

"That's an incredible story" said the irish priest. "Is there no way of reversing this spell that the witch has cast upon you?."

"Yes" said the frog, "It is said, that if a nice kind person would pick me up, take me home, give me food & Warmth and with a good nights sleep would wake up a boy once again."

"Today's your lucky day!" said the irish priest, and picked up the frog and took him home. The irish priest gave the frog lots of food, placed him by the fire and at bedtime put the frog on the pillow beside him. When the irish priest awoke, he saw the 11-year-old Choirboy beside him in bed,

"And that my lord is the case for the Defense....... "

[Boocity]

Ear Infection
 
They always ask at the doctor's reception why you are there, and you have to answer in front of others what's wrong and sometimes it is embarrassing.

 
There's nothing worse than a Doctor's Receptionist who insists you tell her what is wrong with you, in a room full of other patients.   
I know most of us have experienced this, and I love the way this old guy handled it.

 
A 75-year-old man walked into a crowded waiting room and approached the desk.
The Receptionist said, 'Yes sir, what are you seeing the Doctor for today?'

 
'There's something wrong with my dick', he replied.

 
The receptionist became irritated and said, 'You shouldn't come into a crowded waiting room and say things like that.  '

 
'Why not, you asked me what was wrong and I told you,' he said.

 
The Receptionist replied; 'Now you've caused some embarrassment in this room full of people.   
You should have said there is something wrong with your ear or something and discussed the problem further with the Doctor in private.'

 
The man replied, 'You shouldn't ask people questions in a roomful of strangers if the answer could embarrass anyone.   
The man walked out, waited several minutes, and then re-entered.

 
The Receptionist smiled smugly and asked, 'Yes??'

 
'There's something wrong with my ear,' he stated.

 
The Receptionist nodded approvingly and smiled, knowing he had taken her advice.   
'And what is wrong with your ear, Sir?'

 
'I can't p!ss out of it,' he replied.

 
The waiting room erupted in laughter.