Liverpool FC Forum

[Dundalk]

I backed a horse the other day, it came in so late it had to tiptoe back to the stables.

[Dundalk]

The Grim Reaper came for me last night but I managed to beat him off with a vacuum cleaner.

Talk about Dyson with death!

[redhayesy]

A german dwarf came to  London,whilst there he visited soho, went with a prostitute. she thought "he'll never manage & should be easy money".  just before he started ,he put a big spring on each elbow & knee & then sh@gged her for four hours non-stop. afterwards she said breathlessly "how do you manage that?"
he said "it's my foursprung dwarftechnique" 
 

[stmichael]

just heard that the pakistan team hotel has burnt down. police are looking for the player who threw the match.

[burjennio]

Went up to a fat bird in a club last night and asked her if she had a pen. "Yes I have" she giggled back fiddling about in her handbag .I told her to get to it before the farmer knew she was missing.

[redhayesy]

i met a girl in the park last night & there was an instant spark between us.
she fell instally to my feet & as i started to sh@g her i thought......  these tazer guns are well worth the fecking money.

[redhayesy]

i sh@gged a girl with a stutter last night. i was lucky, i just managed to finish before she said no.

[redhayesy]

what has evil kenevil & george micheal got in common?  they both have skid marks on their helmets.

[redhayesy]

george michael's settled well in prison. he's already wrote a song about his skin head cell mate... it will be his new single called "hairless fister".

[roberto green]

I really wish everyone would get off George Michaels back...

The warden says it's my turn now

[redhayesy]

george michael has been forced to give hand jobs to his fellow in-mates before having to make hot  chocolate for them. he is currently working on a new single about his time inside
called "W*nk me off before your cocoa"

[redhayesy]

i couldn't afford an ipad so i have bought myself an ipatch. it's a pirate version  

[redhayesy]

hi i'm carlos tevez & this is my new lean, mean, fat reducing grilling machine...........
it's so good i put my face on it!!  

[burjennio]

hi i'm carlos tevez & this is my new lean, mean, fat reducing grilling machine...........
it's so good i put my face on it!!  

THAT IS MY JOKE, I ADAPTED IT FROM AN EARLER SIMON WESTON ONE, YOU OWE ME MONEY FOR USING THAT 

[redhayesy]

hi i'm carlos tevez & this is my new lean, mean, fat reducing grilling machine...........
it's so good i put my face on it!!  

THAT IS MY JOKE, I ADAPTED IT FROM AN EARLER SIMON WESTON ONE, YOU OWE ME MONEY FOR USING THAT 

nice one mate,shows we have the same sence of humour... the cheques in the post