Liverpool Football Club for some reason, in their crusade for the Premiership title, must enter the Derby, one of the world's great horse races.
So let's go to Derek Thompson at Sky's "At The Races" for the runners and riders.
Our first horse is Seabuscuit, who did very well recently in the Welsh Grand National, where all the horses are chased by sexually depraved Welshmen with bestial intentions.
Next is a horse called "Desert Orchid". Now personally I have always thought it was strange to train a horse in the desert, with all the sand and excessive heat being a big concern.
Our next horse is "Luke Chadwick" formerly of Manchester United. Now here, I would usually insert a humerous quip about how ugly he is and the joke would be that he's so ugly, I have included him in a set of pictures of horses but....LOOK AT HIM FOR FOOKS SAKE!!!! A picture says a thousand words and every three of those words are "YOU UGLY BASTARDO!!!!!"
Next comes the world famous "Red Rum". Now I am a longtime horse-racing expert, but even so, I've always found it amazing that a bottle of liquor could firstly enter a horse race and furthermore WIN three Grand Nationals.
How did it do that without any legs?
Amazing stuff.
Our next horse is the favourite. Probably on account that he has wings. Here he is at Doncaster recently, winning the race with his rider, the ancient warrior Bellerephon.
OK, now according to my sources, the going will be soft then will get harder and firmer, which is basically what happens when Alex Ferguson watches Gary Neville change into his kit before a match.
Now, over to John for the latest odds
teams.
