Liverpool FC Forum

[stmichael]

Terrible blow for Aston Villa regarding the African Nations Cup: Emile Heskey isn't African

[dawson99]

I was going to make some vegetable soup but he'll only spill it everywhere.

[Kharhaz]

What do you get if you cross a horse with a retard?

Stacey Solomon.

[RedAnt]

Elton John wants to buy Aston Villa. He heard the strikers are bent and keane.

[stmichael]

Elton John wants to buy Aston Villa. He heard the strikers are bent and keane.

[andy_g]

what do you call a kid with no legs and an eye patch?




names

[Reg]

The German Tourist


A middle-aged German tourist on his first visit to Orlando, Florida, finds the red light district and enters a large brothel.

The madam asks him to be seated and sends over a young lady to entertain him. They sit and talk, frolic a little, giggle a bit, drink a bit, and she sits on his lap. He whispers in her ear and she gasps and runs away!

Seeing this, the madam sends over a more experienced lady to entertain the gentleman. They sit and talk, frolic a little, giggle a bit, drink a bit, and she sits on his lap. He whispers in her ear, and she too screams, "No!" and walks quickly away.
The madam is surprised that this ordinary looking man has asked for something so outrageous that her two girls will have nothing to do with him. She decides that only her most experienced lady, Lola, will do. Lola has never said no, and it's not likely anything would surprise her.
So the madam sends her over to Hans. They sit and talk, frolic a little, giggle a bit, drink a bit, and she sits on his lap. He whispers in her ear and she screams, "NO WAY, BUDDY!" and smacks him as hard as she can and leaves.
Madam is by now absolutely intrigued, having seen nothing like this in all her years of operating a brothel. She hasn't done the bedroom work herself for a long time, but she's sure she has said yes to everything a man could possibly ask for.
She just has to find out what this man wants that has made her girls so angry. Besides she sees a chance to teach her employees a lesson.
So she goes over to Hans and says that she's the best in the house and is available. She sits and talks with him. They frolic, giggle, drink and then she sits in his lap.
Hans leans forwards and whispers in her ear, "Can I pay in Euros?"

[Kharhaz]

Nice one reg

[RedAnt]

It's a bit hypocritcal of the spanish to boo black players aint it? After all, they're all foreigners too.

Stole that from Viz 

[RedAnt]

On holiday a few years back, I took part in a quiz and managed to reach the final only to lose out after what I consider to this day, to be a correct answer. The question asked 'What 'C' would you associate Jeremy Clarkson with?' to which I confidently replied '<unt'. Not only was I told the answer was incorrect, but I was asked by the holiday rep to leave the premises immediately! Has anyone else experienced such appalling treatment whilst holidaying with one's family?

[Redman in wales]

Just won an innuendo contest. Had to beat off some stiff competition though!!

[bunglemark2]

Patrice Evra

[RedAnt]

Just bought the new FIFA game. Can anyone tell me which button to press to make Ballotelli stamp on someones head please?

[dawson99]

I took a girl home from a club last night.

As we got inside my house I said, "You'll be walking funny tomorrow."

"Ooooooh" she smiled, "Have a biggun do we?"

I locked the door and said, "No, I'm going to cut off your feet."

[RED BEERGOGGLES]

Paddy see's a sign in a shop window saying Pies 50p Wanks a pound ,so he goes in and asks the woman behind the counter
are you the lass that gives the wanks out ? Woman replies yes ,so Paddy says well wash those fecking hands I want a pie .