Liverpool FC Forum

by **bunglemark2** » Fri Jul 29, 2011 9:43 am

Polly put the kettle on,
Polly put the kettle on,
Polly put the kettle on,

Polly has Alzheimer's.

by **bunglemark2** » Fri Jul 29, 2011 9:44 am

I've started a new business in Afghanistan making land mines that look like prayer mats.

It's going well. Prophets are going through the roof.

by **crazyhorse** » Sat Jul 30, 2011 10:04 am

I drove by Amy Winehouses place last Saturday.. i could hear her songs being played backwards..

I guess she was decomposing!

by **Ian Rush's Right foot** » Sat Jul 30, 2011 7:52 pm

Amy Winehouse arrives at the Pearly Gates and there is a big queue. An angel comes forward and takes her to the front. St Peter smiles at her and allows her through.

"Wow, is my fame so great that I get a pass to the front even up here?" asks Amy.

"Dream on, love," says St Peter. "We're still waiting for a Norwegian interpreter for this lot."

by **ethanr** » Sat Jul 30, 2011 8:04 pm

Ian Rush's Right foot wrote:Amy Winehouse arrives at the Pearly Gates and there is a big queue. An angel comes forward and takes her to the front. St Peter smiles at her and allows her through.

"Wow, is my fame so great that I get a pass to the front even up here?" asks Amy.

"Dream on, love," says St Peter. "We're still waiting for a Norwegian interpreter for this lot."

Too soon

But that was funny

by **dawson99** » Mon Aug 01, 2011 11:54 am

A girl came up to me in a bar - short skirt, tits like ripe fruit, hair in a pony tail.
"What would you say if I told you I was wearing no underwear?" she breathed.

"I'd say 'neither am I'."

She raised her eyebrows. "Really? I'm wearing none because it gives men like you..." she licked her lips, "easy access..."

"Oh?" I replied. "I've got none on because I shat myself in the gents."

by **Reg** » Mon Aug 01, 2011 12:36 pm

Thats awful Daws !! :laugh:

by **Kenny Kan** » Mon Aug 01, 2011 12:50 pm

You could have made that an Irish one, that would've pi$$ed off Bunglebollox. :laugh:

by **bunglemark2** » Mon Aug 01, 2011 2:33 pm

Kenny Kan wrote:

You could have made that an Irish one, that would've pi$$ed off Bunglebollox.

I could've told a few a few about yer Ma taking it up the swiss....but everybody knows that already

by **dawson99** » Tue Aug 02, 2011 11:01 am

Finally worked out the true definition of irony

When the woman who comes to your office to lecture you about sexual harrasment has massive tits.

by **laza** » Sun Aug 21, 2011 8:09 am

Latest score from African cup

Nigeria 8 Ethiopia Didn't

by **Kenny Kan** » Sun Aug 21, 2011 10:02 am

laza wrote:Latest score from African cup

Nigeria 8 Ethiopia Didn't

by **Boocity** » Tue Oct 11, 2011 9:08 am

Two men in pub,

1st Man - Have you ever looked at your wife's face when having sex.

2nd Man - I did once and saw the anger in her face

1st Man - Why anger?

2nd Man - Because she was watching from the window.

by **Boocity** » Tue Oct 11, 2011 9:11 am

Man - Get me a beer from the fridge

Wife - There's nothing worse than a male chauvinist pig.

man - Yes there is, a woman who doesn't do as she's told.

by **Boocity** » Mon Oct 17, 2011 5:39 am

A zoo keeper gets raped by an elephant, and he's rushed to hospital for treatment. The doctor examines him and asks why his ar5e has been stretched out 10 inches when an elephant's pen!s is only 4ins wide.

Weeping, the man says "The dirty b@st@rd fingered me first."

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