Liverpool FC Forum

by **Boocity** » Fri Apr 09, 2010 10:51 am

kazza wrote:A man in bed after sex with his new Thai wife who kept stroking his penis. He asks "do you like it that much?' She replies "no, I just miss mine."

Funny

by **Boocity** » Tue Apr 13, 2010 9:05 am

John O'Reilly hoisted his beer and said, "Here's to spending the rest of me life, between the legs of me wife!" That won him the top prize at the pub for the best toast of the night! He went home and told his wife, Mary, "I won the prize for the Best toast of the night." She said, "Aye, did ye now. And what was your toast?" John said, "Here's to spending the rest of me life, sitting in church beside me wife." "Oh, that is very nice indeed, John!" Mary said. The next day, Mary ran into one of John's drinking buddies on the street corner. The man chuckled leeringly and said, "John won the prize the other night at the pub with a toast about you, Mary." She said, "Aye, he told me, and I was a bit surprised meself. You know, he's only been there twice in the last four years once he fell asleep, and the other time I had to pull him by the ears to make him come."

by **Boocity** » Tue Apr 13, 2010 9:34 am

Gordon Brown, or Gordon the Useless One as he is known by some of his colleagues, was looking for a lady of the night.

He found three such girls in a local pub, a blonde, a brunette and a redhead.

To the blonde he said, 'I am the Prime Minister of England. Now how much would it cost me to spend some time with you?'

She replied, £200.'

To the brunette he asked the same question.

Her reply was £100.

He then asked the redhead

Her reply was, 'Mr. Prime Minister, if you can get my skirt up as high as my taxes, my pants as low as my wages, get that thing of yours as hard as the times we are living in, and keep it rising like the price of petrol, keep me warmer than it is in my flat and screw me the way you have Pensioners, then it isn't going to cost you a bloody penny!'

by **roberto green** » Fri Apr 16, 2010 9:20 pm

What's the difference between the Icelandic Volcano and Cheryl Cole?

The Volcano is still blowing Ash

by **tubby** » Fri Apr 16, 2010 9:34 pm

j-max wrote:
dawson99 wrote:An ugly woman walks into a shop with her two kids.
The shopkeeper asks: "Are they twins?"
The woman says: "No, he's 9 and she's 7. Why do you ask, do you think they
look alike?"
"No", he replies "I just can't believe you got laid twice"

lol good one

:laugh

That's a quality one. I'm gonna use that for sure.

by **tubby** » Fri Apr 16, 2010 9:42 pm

s@int wrote:
LFC2007 wrote:How is that funny?

Presumably he is going to make them wait while he has a cup of tea?

Tell you what I was proper :censored:

depressed today after my flight got cancelled but reading through this joke thread has got me laughing.

:buttrock

by **tubby** » Fri Apr 16, 2010 9:58 pm

Reg wrote:Little Johnny attended a horse auction with his father. He watched as his father moved from horse to horse, running his hands up and down the horse's legs and rump, and chest.. After a few minutes, Johnny asked, 'Dad, why are you doing that?' His father replied, 'Because when I'm buying horses, I have to make sure that they are healthy and in good shape before I buy. Johnny, looking worried, said, 'Dad, I think the UPS guy is getting ready to buy Mum ..'

by **dawson99** » Sat Apr 17, 2010 7:47 am

Q: What's the friendliest school?
A: Hi school.

I'm here all week

by **Dundalk** » Sat Aug 07, 2010 1:48 pm

How many prostitutes does it take to change a light bulb?

I don't know, I hired four the other night but we done other stuff :wwww

by **Dundalk** » Sat Aug 07, 2010 1:50 pm

My mate was killed in a terrible accident at a petrol station.

I fill up every time I pass

by **roberto green** » Sat Aug 07, 2010 5:24 pm

Paddy finds a sandwich with 2 red wires sticking out of it.

He phones the police and says

"Bejesus, I've found a sandwich dat looks like a bomb"

The operator asks

"Is it tickin?"

Paddy says

"No I think It's beef"

by **rocky29** » Sat Aug 07, 2010 5:36 pm

how do you get an irishman on your roof?

Tell him the drinks are on the house!

by **roberto green** » Sat Aug 07, 2010 6:13 pm

Paddy was speaking to Murphy about his new 14 year old girlfriend and said "she phoned me up last night and told me she was an undercover cop.How cools that at her age"

by **Judge** » Fri Aug 13, 2010 1:37 pm

did u like the alzheimers joke i told u yesterday ?

by **Dundalk** » Thu Sep 02, 2010 1:07 pm

Teacher: If I gave you 2 rabbits , and another 2 rabbits and another 2, how many will you have?

Johnny: Seven Sir

Teacher: No, listen carefully. If I gave you 2 rabbits , and another 2 rabbits and another 2, how many will you have?

Johnny: Seven

Teacher: Let me put it to you differently. If I gave you 2 apples, and another 2 apples and another 2, how many will you have?

Johnny: Six.

Teacher: Good. Now if I gave you 2 rabbits , and another 2 rabbits and another 2, how many will you have?

Johnny: Seven!!!

Teacher: Where did you get seven from?!?!?

Johnny: Because I have 1 at home!!!

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