Liverpool FC Forum

by **bunglemark2** » Wed Jun 29, 2011 9:11 pm

The weather today is like a muslim. It's either Sunni or Shi'ite.

by **dawson99** » Wed Jun 29, 2011 9:13 pm

Today, I realised if you watch cinderella backwards, it's about a woman who learns her place.

by **bunglemark2** » Thu Jun 30, 2011 9:42 am

Scientology, for those who think that religion isn't far-fetched enough.

by **bunglemark2** » Thu Jun 30, 2011 9:42 am

Ryan Giggs today admitted to suffering from homesickness, saying that, even though he's happy in Manchester, he does Miss Wales occasionally.

by **dawson99** » Thu Jun 30, 2011 9:46 am

bunglemark2 wrote:Ryan Giggs today admitted to suffering from homesickness, saying that, even though he's happy in Manchester, he does Miss Wales occasionally.

by **Redman in wales** » Thu Jun 30, 2011 10:14 pm

My girlfriend's father gave me a nudge earlier when she had walked out the room and whispered "Have you thought about popping the question to my daughter then or what?" "Can I do that?" I asked. "Yeah of course" he replied. "You have my consent". "SARAH!" I shouted, "Can we have anal sex tonight?"

by **Redman in wales** » Thu Jun 30, 2011 10:18 pm

A woman comes home and tells her husband, "Remember those headaches I've been having all these years? Well, they're gone." "No more headaches?" the husband asks, "What happened?" His wife replies, "Angie referred me to a hypnotist and he told me to stand in front of a mirror, stare at myself and repeat: I do NOT have a headache. I do NOT have a headache. I do NOT have a headache".

"Well, it worked! The headaches are all gone." "Well, that is wonderful," proclaims the husband.

His wife then says, "You know, you haven't been exactly a ball of fire in the bedroom these last few years. Why don't you go see the hypnotist and see if he can do anything for that?" Reluctantly, the husband agrees to try it.

Following his appointment, the husband comes home, rips off his clothes, picks up his wife and carries her into the bedroom. He puts her on the bed and says "Don't move, I'll be right back".

He goes into the bathroom and comes back a few minutes later and jumps into bed and makes passionate love to his wife like never before.

His wife says "WOW! - that was wonderful!" The husband says, "Don't move! I will be right back."

He goes back into the bathroom, comes back, and round two was even better than the first time. The wife sits up and her head is spinning. "OH MY," she proclaims. Her husband again says, "Don't move, I'll be right back."

With that, he goes back in the bathroom.

This time, his wife quietly follows him in the bathroom. She sees him standing at the mirror and saying "She's not my wife. She's not my wife. She's not my wife"

by **metalhead** » Thu Jun 30, 2011 10:40 pm

bunglemark2 wrote:The weather today is like a muslim. It's either Sunni or Shi'ite.

thats a very old joke :laugh:

still funny

by **bunglemark2** » Fri Jul 01, 2011 9:51 am

Rick Astley asked me if he could borrow my collection of Pixar films.
"Okay," I said. "You can have Toy Story, Cars and Finding Nemo but I'm never gonna give you Up."

by **bunglemark2** » Fri Jul 01, 2011 9:52 am

How many children with Attention Deficit Disorder does it take to change a light bulb?

Let's go ride our bikes!

by **Kenny Kan** » Fri Jul 01, 2011 10:33 am

How do you confuse an Irishman, stick him in a round room and tell him there's a Mars bar in the corner.

by **Boocity** » Mon Jul 04, 2011 8:33 am

Kenny Kan wrote:How do you confuse an Irishman, stick him in a round room and tell him there's a Mars bar in the corner.

That's so old and sh!t, and its 'tell him to p!ss in the corner'

by **Kenny Kan** » Mon Jul 04, 2011 9:14 am

Boocity wrote:
Kenny Kan wrote:How do you confuse an Irishman, stick him in a round room and tell him there's a Mars bar in the corner.

That's so old and sh!t, and its 'tell him to p!ss in the corner'

I'm just going with the grain of recent jokes on this page.

And no, it's not tell him to pi.ss in the corner my friend told me so, so feck off.

by **Boocity** » Mon Jul 04, 2011 1:58 pm

Kenny Kan wrote:
Boocity wrote:
Kenny Kan wrote:How do you confuse an Irishman, stick him in a round room and tell him there's a Mars bar in the corner.

That's so old and sh!t, and its 'tell him to p!ss in the corner'

I'm just going with the grain of recent jokes on this page.

And no, it's not tell him to pi.ss in the corner my friend told me so, so feck off.

Yes, going with the grain is about right that Rick Astley one by Bunglemark was sh!t as well.

Never heard it with a mars bar before, I take it your friend's an Aussie so he's bound to be wrong

by **SouthCoastShankly** » Tue Jul 26, 2011 4:31 pm

A seven-year-old boy was at the centre of a
Liverpool courtroom drama yesterday when he challenged a court ruling over
who should have custody of him. The boy has a history of being beaten by
his parents and the judge initially awarded custody to his aunt, in
keeping with child custody law and regulations requiring that family unity
be maintained to the degree possible.

The boy surprised the court when he proclaimed that his aunt beat him
more than his parents and he adamantly refused to live with her. When the
judge then suggested that he live with his grandparents, the boy cried out
that they also beat him.

After considering the remainder of the immediate family and learning that
domestic violence was apparently a way of life among them, the judge took
the unprecedented step of allowing the boy to propose who should have
custody of him. After two recesses to check legal references and confer
with child welfare officials, the judge granted temporary custody to
Everton Football Club whom the boy firmly believes are incapable of
beating anyone.

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