Liverpool FC Forum

by **RedSi35** » Mon May 30, 2011 11:01 pm

Not lfc friendly but made me chuckle

A man is walking his three-legged dog on and finds a lamp which he picks up and removes the cork.

Out pops a genie who says "Thank you for releasing me from the lamp, O Master. I have the power to grant you one wish - anything you desire".

The man says "Can you make my dog win a Pet Show?"

The genie says "What, with only three legs? Wish again!"

So the man thinks for a while and asks "Can you arrange for Liverpool to win the Premier League then?"

tTo which the Genie replies, "Let's have another look at that :censored:

dog."

by **RedSi35** » Mon May 30, 2011 11:09 pm

Ryan Giggs today admitted to suffering from homesickness, saying that, even though he's happy in Manchester, he does Miss Wales occasionally.

When my girlfriend said she was leaving because of my obsession with The Monkees, I thought she was joking.

And then I saw her face.

Cheryl Cole walks into a bar and asks for a gin and tonic.

The barman shrugs his shoulders

Women are like second hand cars.

Doesn't matter how much you like it, always remember another bloke's thrashed the :censored:

out of it then got rid of it for a better one.

by **crazyhorse** » Tue May 31, 2011 12:57 am

Anyone hear of the constipated mathematician?

He had to work it out with a pencil.....

by **crazyhorse** » Tue May 31, 2011 12:59 am

Or then there is the famous Al Ge-bra terrorist movement.....
They are working on obtaining weapons of maths destruction....

I will get my coat.

by **crazyhorse** » Tue May 31, 2011 1:00 am

Last Christman I bought my missus a pair of slippers and a Rabbit..

I told her if she did not like the slippers she could go and f~ck herself

by **Roger Red Hat** » Tue May 31, 2011 9:37 am

Manchester United have announce they will be unveiling a banner across the front of the stadium that will read '19 times...'

the number of times they actually touched the ball against Barca.

by **Dundalk** » Mon Jun 13, 2011 8:24 pm

A girl asks her doctor "how many calories are there in cum"

Doctor says "don't worry lass, if you're gonna swallow it, no one's gonna give a f**k how fat you are"

by **metalhead** » Tue Jun 14, 2011 9:05 pm

Dundalk wrote:A girl asks her doctor "how many calories are there in cum"

Doctor says "don't worry lass, if you're gonna swallow it, no one's gonna give a f**k how fat you are"

that's dirty :laugh:

by **tubby** » Tue Jun 14, 2011 9:05 pm

Watching some cartoon thing called "Finding Keano" - it's about the hunt for some Irish fella, who wants to play for every club in the UK.

by **bunglemark2** » Wed Jun 15, 2011 9:17 am

My wife is running around the house making a hell of a noise.
Shouting things like, "I'm freezing - let me in".

by **bunglemark2** » Wed Jun 15, 2011 9:18 am

This dyslexia is giving me a pain in my ears

by **bunglemark2** » Wed Jun 15, 2011 9:18 am

I went out into the garden and to my horror the wife was slumped on the grass.
The dog had dug her up again

by **bunglemark2** » Wed Jun 15, 2011 9:19 am

I asked my welsh mate how many sexual partners he has had, he starting counting then fell asleep.

by **bunglemark2** » Wed Jun 15, 2011 9:19 am

The worst pub I've ever been to was called The Fiddle.

It really was a vile inn.

by **stmichael** » Wed Jun 15, 2011 10:44 am

Medical fact: If a woman drinks two glasses of wine a day it increases the chance of a stroke......

If you let her finish the bottle she'll probably suck it as well!

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