Jokes thread - Post your funniest jokes here

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Postby redhayesy » Tue Feb 01, 2011 7:48 pm

JUST IN. -Charlie Adam was travellin to Liverpool by donkey & Everton were hoping to sign the donkey but it turned them down as they haven't got a carrot. :D
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Postby RedSi35 » Tue Feb 01, 2011 10:58 pm

Fernando Torres.....
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Postby andy_g » Wed Feb 02, 2011 9:14 am

Dundalk wrote:My racing snail hasn't been doing too well recently so I removed his shell thinking it would make him more aerodynamic.
It hasn't worked; if anything, he's more sluggish.

:laugh:  :laugh:  :laugh:


best. joke. ever.
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Get Down! everybody's gonna leave their seat
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Postby Woollyback » Mon Feb 07, 2011 2:02 pm

£15 for a full sunday dinner that feeds 6? that's why mums go to iceland

£10 for a 16 year old bouncing up and down on your c.ock all day? that's why dads go to thailand
b*ll*c*ks and s*i*e
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Postby dawson99 » Mon Feb 07, 2011 3:07 pm

I told my girlfriend that I would be turned on if she let me watch her :censored: another woman.

She said she would like to f*ck Fernando Torres.

Touché
0118 999 881 999 119 7253
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Postby andy_g » Mon Feb 07, 2011 3:59 pm

i told my girlfriend i would be turned on if she let me watch her fúck another woman. so she whacked my mum in the face with a cricket bat.
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Get Down! everybody's gonna leave their seat
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Postby brentd4 » Mon Feb 07, 2011 4:55 pm

I do sympathise with Chelsea.

I've just spent 49 million on plastic surgery, and thankfully I'm meeting loads of girls.

'Cause I tell you, I would be :censored: if I'd spent 50 million and still couldn't score.
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Postby redhayesy » Thu Feb 10, 2011 11:12 pm

BREAKING NEWS!!  10,000 Egyptian troops pile into Jordan..... she said she's abit sore but quite enjoyed it!! :D
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Postby Woollyback » Sat Feb 12, 2011 9:30 am

roses are straight
violets are twisted
bend over love
you're about to get fisted


bet you don't get that on moonpig.com  :laugh:
b*ll*c*ks and s*i*e
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Postby Roger Red Hat » Mon Feb 14, 2011 12:38 pm

Woollyback wrote:roses are straight
violets are twisted
bend over love
you're about to get fisted


bet you don't get that on moonpig.com  :laugh:

:laugh:   moonpig.com

I've had a look and it's not on there
Sex, drugs and sausage rolls!
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Postby stmichael » Mon Feb 14, 2011 12:39 pm

i see meryl streep is to play maggie thatcher in a new film. the film is unsuitable for minors. :D
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Postby laza » Tue Apr 05, 2011 12:46 pm

An Englishman, a Scotsman, an Irishman, a Welshman, a Latvian, a Turk,
an Aussie, a German, a Yank, an Egyptian, a Jap, a Lebanese, a Mexican,
a Spaniard, a Russian, a Pole, a Lithuanian, a Swede, a Finn, an
Israeli, a Romanian, a Bulgarian, a Serb, a Swiss, a Greek, a
Singaporean, an Italian, a Norwegian and an African went to a night club.






The bouncer said "Sorry, I can’t let you in without a Thai"
Forever Red in this life and the next
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Postby redbilly » Wed Apr 13, 2011 9:59 pm

I don't know why Fulham fans are complaining. I'm sure their statue was cheaper than the £50m Chelsea paid for theirs! :)
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Postby Greavesie » Wed Apr 13, 2011 10:03 pm

bought a penis enlarger for £40 off ebay the other day

B@stard sent me magnifying glass!
All round the fields of Anfield Road
Where once we watched the King Kenny play (and could he play!)
Stevie Heighway on the wing
We had dreams and songs to sing
'Bout the glory, round the Fields of Anfield Road

JFT 96 - Gone but never forgotten
YNWA 15/4/1989
God Bless You All
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Postby Greavesie » Wed Apr 13, 2011 10:04 pm

went for my routine check up the other day, everything was going pretty well until he stuck his index finger in my @rse....

....do you think I should change dentists?
All round the fields of Anfield Road
Where once we watched the King Kenny play (and could he play!)
Stevie Heighway on the wing
We had dreams and songs to sing
'Bout the glory, round the Fields of Anfield Road

JFT 96 - Gone but never forgotten
YNWA 15/4/1989
God Bless You All
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