Liverpool FC Forum

by **NANNY RED** » Tue Nov 18, 2008 11:25 pm

I think my little saying is quite funny

Lifes like a di.ck when it gets hard f.uck it :laugh:

by **shakey** » Fri Nov 28, 2008 9:28 pm

Bloody Hell!! That Hotel Murder Mystery Weekend in Mumbai was a bit over the flammin top

by **Dundalk** » Sat Nov 29, 2008 12:42 am

by **Greavesie** » Sat Nov 29, 2008 6:07 pm

A 13 year old girl from Middlesborough writes in to a teen magazine:
'Dear Sandra, my problem is I'm a 13 year old girl and I'm still a virgin, do yo think my Dad's queer?'

by **Number 9** » Sat Nov 29, 2008 7:46 pm

Greavesie wrote:A 13 year old girl from Middlesborough writes in to a teen magazine:
'Dear Sandra, my problem is I'm a 13 year old girl and I'm still a virgin, do yo think my Dad's queer?'

Fecking hell!
I take it thats been made up after that sick kunt was jailed for raping his daughters thousands of times and fathering 9 kids with them in England?
I usually quite open minded,but that is just not funny!

by **Greavesie** » Sat Nov 29, 2008 9:03 pm

no its not, its just a jab at the place in general mate, no offence intended

by **dawson99** » Sat Nov 29, 2008 9:06 pm

I laughed, sorry

by **dawson99** » Wed Dec 03, 2008 10:45 am

Tom had been in Police work for 25 years.
Finally sick of the stress, he quits his job and buys 50 acres of land in
Alaska as far from humanity as possible.

He sees the postman once a week and gets groceries once a month.
Otherwise it's total peace and quiet. After six months or so of almost total isolation, someone knocks on his door. He opens it and a huge, bearded man is standing there.

'Name's Cliff, your neighbor from forty miles up the road. Having a Christmas party Friday night. Thought you might like to come at about 5:00...'
'Great', says Tom, 'after six months out here I'm ready to meet some local folks Thank you.'
As Cliff is leaving, he stops. 'Gotta warn you.

Be some drinking'.'

'Not a problem' says Tom. 'After 25 years in the business, I can drink with the best of 'em'.

Again, the big man starts to leave and stops.

'More 'n' likely gonna be some fighting' too.'

'Well, I get along with people, I'll be all right! .

I'll be there. Thanks again.'

'More'n likely be some wild sex, too,'

'Now that's really not a problem' says Tom, warming to the idea. 'I've been all alone for six months! I'll definitely be there.
By the way, what should I wear?'

'Don't much matter. Just gonna be the two of us.'

by **andy_g** » Wed Dec 03, 2008 11:59 am

apparently al qaeda have planted explosive devices in tins of alphabetti spaghetti. if you open one it could spell disaster.

by **SouthCoastShankly** » Wed Dec 03, 2008 12:06 pm

I ate 30 yoghurt's last night, I was mullered

by **Toffeehater** » Thu Dec 04, 2008 10:11 am

andy_g wrote:apparently al qaeda have planted explosive devices in tins of alphabetti spaghetti. if you open one it could spell disaster.

Taxi please

by **Roger Red Hat** » Thu Dec 04, 2008 10:45 am

Paddy and Mick on the building site taking their lunch break...

Paddy: Hey Mick, give us one of your butties mate, I've forgot mine.
Mick: No problem Paddy, here ya go

Paddy takes a bite and spits it out in disgust

Paddy: Wot de fek is in those butties Mick?
Mick: It's crab paste Paddy
Paddy: where de fek did ya get it from?
Mick: Boot's.

by **Greavesie** » Thu Dec 04, 2008 3:48 pm

Paddy has broken his leg, his mate Mick comes round to see him.
Paddy says 'do me a favour, nip upstairs and get my slippers, my feet are freezing!'
Mick goes upstairs and sees Paddy's two gorgeous 19 year old twin daughters sitting on the bed.
he says, 'your Dad's sent me up here to :censored:

both of you'
they say, 'get away, prove it!'
Mick shouts, 'both of them Paddy?'
Paddy shouts back 'course both of them, what's the point in fuking one!'

by **Greavesie** » Thu Dec 04, 2008 3:49 pm

Paddy and 5 Englishmen are in a police lineup for a suspected rape case.
The victim walks in
Paddy jumps forward and shouts 'Thats her'!

by **Dundalk** » Thu Dec 04, 2008 9:21 pm

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