Liverpool FC Forum

[Greavesie]

NEWCASTLE UTD !

still the best Zara 

[daxy1]

IRISH SAUSAGES
     
    Shamus and Murphy fancied a pint or two but didn't have a lot of money between them, they could only raise the staggering sum of one Euro.
     

    Murphy said 'Hang on, I have an idea.'

       

    He went next door to the butcher's shop and came out with one large sausage.

       

    Shamus said 'Are you crazy? Now we don't have any money at all!'

     

    Murphy replied, 'Don't worry - just follow me.'

     

    He went into the pub where he immediately ordered two pints
    of Guinness and two glasses of Jamieson Whisky.

     

    Shamus said 'Now you've lost it. Do you know how much trouble we will be in? We haven't got any money!!'

     

    Murphy replied, with a smile. 'Don't worry, I have a plan , Cheers! '

     

    They downed their Drinks. Murphy said, 'OK, I'll stick the sausage through my zipper and you go on your knees and put it in your mouth.'

     

    The barman noticed  them, went berserk, and threw them out.

     

    They continued this, pub after pub, getting more and more drunk, all for free.

     

    At the tenth pub Shamus said 'Murphy - I don't think I can do any more of this. I'm drunk and me knees are killing me!'

     

    Murphy said, 'How do you think I feel? I can't even remember which pub I lost the sausage in.'

[Kharhaz]

fi yuo cna raed tihs, yuo hvae a sgtrane mnid too

Cna yuo raed tihs? Olny 55 plepoe out of 100 can.

i cdnuolt blveiee taht I cluod aulaclty uesdnatnrd waht I was rdanieg. The phaonmneal pweor of the hmuan mnid, aoccdrnig to a rscheearch at Cmabrigde Uinervtisy, it dseno't mtaetr in waht oerdr the ltteres in a wrod are, the olny iproamtnt tihng is taht the frsit and lsat ltteer be in the rghit pclae. The rset can be a taotl mses and you can sitll raed it whotuit a pboerlm. Tihs is bcuseae the huamn mnid deos not raed ervey lteter by istlef, but the wrod as a wlohe. Azanmig huh?

Not really a joke, just showing the benefits of living on a chavvy estate !

[dawson99]

Looks like my normal typing after a few beers!

[anfieldadorer]

sorry, have no idea where to put this

but is this a serious article or what

Alonso raises game with 'manly' guise

Saturday April 04 2009
LIVERPOOL'S Spanish international midfielder Xabi Alonso is in the best form of his career at the moment, and apparently it's all down to some horrible facial hair.

Spain coach Vicente del Bosque was asked to give his thoughts on why Alonso -- who scored the equaliser in his country's 2-1 win over Turkey in midweek -- has developed into such an important player for club and country.

And, according to the former Real Madrid manager, it's the result of cultivating a rather unattractive ginger beard.

"Alonso used to have a baby-faced appearance which didn't help his cause in the game. But this hairy beard he has developed has helped him find the strong, manly characteristics that he was previously missing," said Del Bosque.

"He has a serious 'I mean business' air about him now."

Should Liverpool go on to win a Premier League and Champions League double we will give this theory much more credence. Until then, one can only assume that Del Bosque was tired of spouting football cliches and went with the beardy explanation in order to liven up his press conferences.
---


this could be xabi at his peak performance

[Greavesie]

Nanny will love you for that

not ginger enough I feel

[Judge]

Who earns more a prostitute or a drug dealer?
























































a prostitue does. shes the only one who can wash her crack and sell it again

[Dundalk]

Whats the difference between Alan Shearer and Newcastle?

Shearer will be MOTD next year 

[GRAHAM01]

Whats the difference between Alan Shearer and Newcastle?

Shearer will be MOTD next year 

   

[GRAHAM01]

When  girls don't put out!!
This  was written by a guy...it's pretty damn smart.
Girls  -- Please have a sense of humour!

I  never quite figured out why the sexual urge of men and women differ so much. And  I never have figured out the whole Venus and Mars thing. I have never figured  out why men think with their head and women with their heart.

FOR  EXAMPLE:

One evening last week, my girlfriend and I were getting into  bed. Well, the passion starts to heat up, and she eventually says, 'I don't feel  like it, I just want you to hold me.'

I said, 'WHAT??!! What was  that?!'

So she says the words that every boyfriend on the planet dreads  to hear..

'You're just not in touch with my emotional needs as a woman  enough for me to satisfy your physical needs as a man.'

She responded to  my puzzled look by saying, 'Can't you just love me for who I am and not what I  do for you in the bedroom?'

Realizing that nothing was going to happen  that night, I went to sleep.

The very next day I opted to take the day  off of work to spend time with her. We went out to a nice lunch and then went  shopping at a big, big unnamed department store. I walked around with her while  she tried on several different very expensive outfits. She couldn't decide which  one to take, so I told her we'd just buy them all. She wanted new shoes to  compliment her new clothes, so I said, 'Let's get a pair for each  outfit.'

We went on to the jewellery department where she picked out a  pair of diamond earrings. Let me tell you... She was so excited. She must have  thought I was one wave short of a shipwreck. I started to think she was testing  me because she asked for a tennis bracelet when she doesn't even know how to  play tennis

I think I threw her for a loop when I said, 'That's fine,  honey.' She was almost nearing sexual satisfaction from all of the excitement.  Smiling with excited anticipation, she finally said, 'I think this is  all
Dear, let's go to the cashier.'

I could hardly contain myself when  I blurted out, 'No honey, I don't feel like it.'

Her face just went  completely blank as her jaw dropped with a baffled, 'WHAT?'

I then said,  'Honey! I just want you to HOLD this stuff for a while. You're just not in touch  with my financial needs as a man enough for me to satisfy your shopping needs as  a woman.'

And just when she had this look like she was going to kill me,  I added, 'Why can't you just love me for who I am and not for the things I buy  you?'

Apparently I'm not having sex tonight either....but at least that  bitch knows I'm smarter than her.

[fergiesnortswhisky]

anyone who thinks this is racist is an ignorant .   Q. WHY DID SO MANY BLACK SOLDIERS DIE IN THE VIETNAM WAR?   BECAUSE EVERY TIME SOMEBODY SHOUTED "GET DOWN" THEY ALL GOT UP AND STARTED DANCING!

[Festy]

NewCastle won't be relegated this season.

[Gerrard30391]

Had an email the other day saying you can catch Swine Flu from tinned pork.

Luckily, it was only SPAM!

[Effes]

A Liverpudlian walks into a bank in Hope Street and asks for the loan officer.  He tells the loan officer that he is going to Australia on business
for two weeks and needs to borrow £5,000.

The bank officer tells him that the bank will need some form of security for the loan, so the Scouser lad hands over the keys and documents of new Ferrari parked on the street in front of the bank. He produces the Log Book and everything checks out. The loan officer agrees to accept the car as collateral for the loan. The bank's Manager and its officers  all enjoy a good laugh at the rough looking Scouser for using a £120,000 Ferrari
as collateral against a £5000 loan. An employee of the bank then drives the Ferrari into the bank's underground garage and parks it there.

Two weeks later, the Scally returns, repays the £5,000 and the interest,
which comes to £15.41. The loan officer says, "Sir, we are very happy to have had your business, and this transaction has worked out very nicely,
but we are a little puzzled. While you were away, we checked you out and found that you are a multi millionaire. What puzzles us is, why would you bother to borrow "£5,000" ?The Scouser replies:"Where else in Liverpool can I park my car for two weeks for only £15.41
and expect it to be there when I return'"

[Gerrard30391]

Fairy Liquid are sending a million bottles of Fairy Liquid to Rio de Janeiro, apparently a load of french are washing up on the beaches!