Liverpool FC Forum

by **Kenny Kan** » Wed Jun 22, 2011 12:36 am

Phone rings, woman answers, pervert breathes, have you got a tight baldy c***? woman replies, he's on the couch, who will I say is calling?

by **babu** » Wed Jun 22, 2011 1:35 pm

Kenny Kan wrote:Phone rings, woman answers, pervert breathes, have you got a tight baldy c***? woman replies, he's on the couch, who will I say is calling?

by **Greavesie** » Wed Jun 22, 2011 1:59 pm

similar to that one but

A science professor tries to explain sex education to his students, to simplify things he turns to one of his blonde students and asks:

'For example, do you know what your @rsehole is doing while your having an orgasm?'

She replies:

'probably at the pub having a drink with his mates'

by **Kharhaz** » Thu Jun 23, 2011 11:12 pm

My polish wife is struggling to come to terms with the English language. The other night she said to me "Me be going out with friends night".

Smiling, I had to do my duty as an English gentleman and mildly correct her.

"No you'r fucking not !"

by **Kenny Kan** » Fri Jun 24, 2011 2:37 am

3 men were captured by female savages & told their dicks would be removed in a manner appropriate 2 their jobs.1st man was a lumberjack, so his would be chopped off2nd man was a butcher so his would be sliced off. 3rd man in hysterics! his captors asked what was so funny?He replied:I work for Dyson!

by **anti-hero** » Mon Jun 27, 2011 5:39 am

by **crazyhorse** » Mon Jun 27, 2011 11:12 am

bunglemark2 wrote:This dyslexia is giving me a pain in my ears

Are you that dyslexic pervert who shagged a lorry..?

And caught HGV?

:oops:

by **dawson99** » Tue Jun 28, 2011 11:09 am

crazyhorse wrote:
bunglemark2 wrote:This dyslexia is giving me a pain in my ears

Are you that dyslexic pervert who shagged a lorry..?

And caught HGV?

and went to an animal party dressed as a goat?

by **Kenny Kan** » Tue Jun 28, 2011 1:32 pm

bunglemark2 wrote:My wife is running around the house making a hell of a noise.
Shouting things like, "I'm freezing - let me in".

That,s shiy

by **bunglemark2** » Tue Jun 28, 2011 5:43 pm

First thing this morning, there was a tap on my door.
Funny sense of humour my plumber has.

by **bunglemark2** » Tue Jun 28, 2011 5:44 pm

I was working late at the Carphone Warehouse last night when I received this text from my girlfriend:
'Hun,thespacebuttonisfaultyonthisphone.
Whenyougethomepleasegivemeanalternative.'

And as I eagerly rushed home, I couldn't help but wonder...

What the hell does 'ternative' mean?

by **bunglemark2** » Tue Jun 28, 2011 5:45 pm

A man goes into a library and asks for a book on suicide.

The librarian says; "F**k off, you won't bring it back."

by **bunglemark2** » Tue Jun 28, 2011 5:47 pm

My Jamaican mate walked in on me doing a crossword.
I said "You have to help me. I need a 10 letter word meaning Great in ambition and scope". "I've been trying to do this for 2 weeks"
He said "Monumental"
I said "No I'm not"

by **bunglemark2** » Tue Jun 28, 2011 5:48 pm

My wife said to me, "I'm fed up with you being so lazy. Pack your bags and leave."

I said, "You pack them."

by **bunglemark2** » Tue Jun 28, 2011 5:51 pm

The kitchen staff really helps my wife get the cooking done quicker.

I say staff... but really it's just a big stick I use to beat her with.

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