Liverpool FC Forum

[Roger Red Hat]

Paddy the Irishman died in a fire and was burnt pretty badly.
So the morgue needed someone to identify the body. His two best friends, Seamus and Sean (also Irishmen), were sent for. Seamus went in and the mortician pulled back the sheet. Seamus said "Yup, he's burnt pretty bad. Roll him over". So the mortician rolled him over. Seamus looked and said "Nope, it ain't Paddy". The mortician thought that was rather strange and then he brought Sean in to identify the body. Sean took a look at him and said, "Yup, he's burnt real bad, roll him over". The mortician rolled him over and Sean looked down and said,"No, it ain't Paddy". The mortician asked, "How can you tell?" Sean said, "Well, Paddy had two arseholes." "What, he had two arseholes???" said the mortician. "Yup, everyone knew he had two arseholes. Every time we went into town, folks would say, "Here comes Paddy with them two arseholes...."

[66-1120597113]

Little red riding hood goes for  walk in the woods!
True to form,out pops the big bad wolf.......Baring his teeth and salivating he growls
'Im gonna suck your ti.ts'

Looking a little bemused little red riding hood lifts her dress,pulls off her knickers and screams...................









For fu.ck sake stick to the story and eat me!!!

[112-1077774096]

A seven-year-old boy was at the centre of a Liverpool courtroom drama yesterday when he challenged a court ruling over who should have custody of him. The boy has a history of being beaten by his parents and the judge initially awarded custody to his aunt, in keeping with child custody law and regulations requiring
that family unity be maintained to the degree possible.

The boy surprised the court when he proclaimed that his aunt beat him more than his parents and he adamantly refused to live with her. When the judge then suggested that he live with his grandparents, the boy cried out that they also beat him.

After considering the remainder of the immediate family and learning that domestic violence was apparently a way of life among them, the judge took the unprecedented step of allowing the boy to propose who
should have custody of him. After two recesses to check legal references and confer with child welfare officials, the judge granted temporary custody to Everton Football Club whom the boy firmly believes are incapable of beating anyone.

[wrighty (not mark!)]

What's big white and can't climb trees.........................














a fridge 

[greenred]

There were two eggs in a frying pan. One says to the other: "Jesus, it's hot in here" The other replies: "Arrgggh! A talking egg" 

[LFC #1]

What's big white and can't climb trees.........................














a fridge 

by far the worst! 

[112-1077774096]

paddy and mick go for a job, they are sat in the foremans office and the forman asks paddy his name, "its paddy sir" say paddy. "oh says the foreman, we are posh here so you name is actually patrick". he turns to mick and says "and whats your name"?

mick replies "its mickrick sir"

[wrighty (not mark!)]

what's blue, white and can't climb trees?








A fridge with a denim jacket

[LFC #1]

Knock Knock

Who's there?

Fuck

Fuck who......?


Fuck you!

[112-1077774096]

whats white with tartan trousers and cant climb trees?


rupert the fridge

[wrighty (not mark!)]

what's big, red and eats rocks?











I BIG RED ROCKEATER

[greenred]

paddy and mick go for a job, they are sat in the foremans office and the forman asks paddy his name, "its paddy sir" say paddy. "oh says the foreman, we are posh here so you name is actually patrick". he turns to mick and says "and whats your name"?

mick replies "its mickrick sir"

Ok,one thick paddy joke was enough

[112-1077774096]

paddy amd mick are walking down the street and they see seamus with a big salmom.

"where did you get that" ask paddy

"someone held me over the river, when the salmon swam past i tickled its stomach and it jumped out the water" replied seamus.

so off paddy and mick go, the find a bridge and paddy hangs mick over the side in hope of catching a salmon.

after 10 minutes mick shouts to paddy " pull me up Quick"

Paddy shouts "why? have you caught a salmon"

"NO THERES A TRAIN COMING"

[wrighty (not mark!)]

What's got three legs and lives on a farm?







Paul and Heather McCartney

[LFC #1]

Paddy builds a pier in the desert. A man approaches wondering why their is a pier in the desert of all places? Upon learning  Paddy is Irish, the man proclaims "Only an Irishman would be stupid enough to build a pier in a desert", to whcih Paddy replies "Yes, but only an Australian would be stupid enough to pay to fish off the end of it"