Liverpool FC Forum

[Ciggy]

A duck walked into a bar and approached the barman.

'Got any bread?' the duck asked,

'I'm sorry,' replied the barman, 'We don't sell bread.'

The duck looked at his feet dissapointedly, before asking, 'Got any bread?'

'No, we haven't,' said the barman, a little confused.

'Erm, got any bread?' repeated the duck.

The Barman began to get a little annoyed. 'No!'

'Oh... Have you got any bread?'

'Look. It's a bar, we serve alcohol, we don't sell bread.'

'I see,' said the duck 'Got any bread?'

'For Christ sake, We don't sell bread!'

'Aah, right... Got any bread?'

'That's it,' shouted the barman, 'If you ask me that once more I'm gonna nail your ****** beak to the bar!'

To which the duck replied, 'Got any nails?'

'NO!'

'Well... Got any bread?'

     

[woof woof !]

Fat Wife to Husband " I've got something in my shoe"
Husband to FW "It's your tits "

[Judge]

[woof woof !]

Fella walks into a bar orders a pint ,downs it then jumps on the bar whips his kn'ob out and pis'ses all over the bar man and assorted customers .The barman smashes the fella down gives him a good kicking and drags him to the door .All the time the fella is apologising even through bloodied and broken teeth . "I'm sorry ,I'm sorry ,I just can't help myself ,i'm so embarrassed "
The barman by now feeling a little sorry for him says "Look lad ,do yourself a favour and get some help".
"I will " says the fella "I'm really sorry and embarrassed by my behaviour"

A couple of weeks later the fella walks back into the same bar and thanks the barman for his advice "I listend to what you said , I got some help and now I'm cured ! "
"Thats great " says the barman "You can have a pint on the house"
The fella downs it and as before jumps up on the bar and pis'ses all over the place. "I thought you said you were cured !! " shouts the enraged barman. "I am " says the fella "I'm not embarrassed anymore"

[Ciggy]

An Italian, a Frenchman and a Scouser are discussing their  performance's in bed. The Italian says - "When I've a finished a makin da love with my girlfriend I go down and gently tickle the back of her knees, she floatsa 6 inches abovea da bed in ecstasy"

The Frenchman replies - "Zat is nossing, when Ah 'ave finished making ze love with my girlfriend Ah kiss all ze way down her body, and zen Ah lick zer soles of her feet wiz mah tongue and she floats ze 12 inches above ze bed in pure ecstasy"

The Scouser says - "Dat's nothin, when I've finished shaggin me bird, I get out of bed, walk over to da winda and wipe my knob clean on da curtains. She hits the ****in roof !!!"

Sorry a bit crude from me but I had to tell it  

[Ciggy]

A scouser walks into a bar in spain, and on the bar is a bottle full of 2 Euro coins.
"Whats the collection for?" he asks: The barman replies "We have a competition you engliiish piiig, the first person to make my donkey laugh wins this bottle of money"
"OK, I'll have a go" says the scouser so he puts in his money and walks into the room next door where the donkey is.

1 Min later, the scouser walks back out, and the donkey is laughing his socks off. The Scouser picks up the bottle and walks out.

1 Year later: The same scouser walks in to the same bar (Another euro cup tie) and again, on the bar is a bottle full of money.
"What this time?" said the scouser. "Aha-I remember you, you engliiish piiig, only this time not so easy- this time you have to make my donkey cry, ha!"
"Okay" said the scouser, puts his money in the bottle and makes his way into the next room.
1 min later, he walks out and the donkey is crying is cryin its eyes out.
The Scouser picks up the bottle and goes to walk out. "Wait, you engliiish piiig!", says the barman, "how did you manage it?".
The scouser replied: "easy really, first time I told him my ***k was bigger than his- second time I proved it to him". And he walked out....

[Dom1]

EAT ME ......... FOOLS  

STICK THIS GRAPE UP URE GRAPE PASSAGEWAY..........  

[Dalglish]

Peewee reckons AB a joke

[112-1077774096]

[Dalglish]

Well he makes me laugh

[112-1077774096]

do you laugh with him or laugh at him 

[Dalglish]

Don't try and pin me down to  a reply on that one Pewee you bugger !!!!

[112-1077774096]

the public have a right to know

[Dalglish]

Come , come Peewee, you know how upset he gets !!!!

[112-1077774096]

im surprised he hasnt bitten yet, i think hes online