Liverpool FC Forum

by **NANNY RED** » Tue May 20, 2008 9:53 am

Loads on here maybe 99 per cent will be to young to get this lady but her last joke in the clip is a cracker

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=ocN0jtkxSRw

by **Dundalk** » Tue May 20, 2008 10:06 am

http://www.boreme.com/boreme/funny-2005/dog-bites-dog-p1.php

by **Kharhaz** » Sat May 24, 2008 10:30 pm

Benefits of having Alzheimer's disease.

5. You never have to watch reruns on television.

4. You are always meeting new people.

3. You don't have to remember the whines and complaints of your spouse.

2. You can hide your own Easter eggs.

1. Mysteries are always interesting.

Im not kidding you I posted this joke on some site and the amount of envelopes I was sent !

by **kalos** » Wed Jun 04, 2008 9:04 pm

The Alzheimers Sufferer's Society is protesting outside 10 Downing St for the NHS to cough up on newer more expensive drugs.

Group Leader on Loudhailer: "What do we want?"

Sufferer's- "Better treatment!"

Group Leader - "When do we want it?"

Sufferer's- "...what...?"

by **Kash_Mountain** » Wed Jun 04, 2008 10:07 pm

Old school joke-

Have you heard the secret about butter?

No.

Well I can't tell you anyway, just in case you spread it!!!

I know I know it' a terrible joke

by **Kewell2Dominate** » Thu Jun 05, 2008 4:58 am

Kash_Mountain wrote:Old school joke-

Have you heard the secret about butter?

No.

Well I can't tell you anyway, just in case you spread it!!!

I know I know it' a terrible joke

Fookin awful joke that one.

What did one lesbian vampire say to the other?

I'll see you next month!!!!!

by **Dundalk** » Tue Jun 10, 2008 1:02 am

John O’Reilly hoisted his beer and said, “Here’s to spending the rest of me life, between the legs of me wife!”

That won him the top prize at the pub for the best toast of the night.

He went home and told his wife, Mary, “I won the prize for the Best toast of the night”.

She said, “Aye, did ye now. And what was your toast?”

John said, “Here’s to spending the rest of me life, sitting in church beside me wife.”

“Oh, that is very nice indeed, John!” Mary said.

The next day, Mary ran into one of John’s drinking buddies on the street corner. The man chuckled leeringly and said, “John won the prize the other night at the pub with a toast about you, Mary.”

She said, “Aye, he told me, and I was a bit surprised myself. You know, he’s only been there twice in the last four years. Once he fell asleep and the other time I had to pull him by the ears to make him come.”

by **ConnO'var** » Tue Jun 10, 2008 1:07 am

Kewell2Dominate wrote:
Kash_Mountain wrote:Old school joke-

Have you heard the secret about butter?

No.

Well I can't tell you anyway, just in case you spread it!!!

I know I know it' a terrible joke

Fookin awful joke that one.

What did one lesbian vampire say to the other?

I'll see you next month!!!!!

Ewwww!....

PMSL!

by **112-1077774096** » Tue Jun 10, 2008 2:16 am

i watched a porn film last night, the lead actor was a thalidomide, he had an arm like a baby's c0ck

sorry

by **Judge** » Fri Jun 13, 2008 4:50 pm

one or two rhymes for the kids

Humpty Dumpty sat on a wall

Humpty Dumpty had a great fall

The structure of the wall was incorrect

So he won a grand with Claims Direct.

It's Raining, It's Pouring.

Oh s**t, it's Global Warming.

Jack and Jill went into town

To fetch some chips and sweeties.

He can't keep his heart rate down

And she's got diabetes.

Mary had a little skirt

with splits right up the sides

and everywhere that Mary went

the boys could see her thighs.

Mary had another skirt

'twas split right up the front

...But she didn't wear that one often.

Mary had a little lamb

her father shot it dead.

Now it goes to school with her

between two chunks of bread.

Simple Simon met a pie man going to the fair.

Said Simple Simon to the pie man

'What have u got there?'

Said the pie man unto Simon

Pies you d**khead.

Mary had a little lamb

it ran into a pylon.

10,000 volts went up its :censored:

and turned its wool to nylon.

Georgie Porgie Pudding and Pie

kissed the girls and made them cry.

When the boys came out to play

he kissed them too cause he was gay.

Jack and Jill

went up the hill

to have a little fun.

Jill, the dill,

forgot her pill,

and now they have a son.

Jack and Jill

Went up the hill

And planned to do some kissing.

Jack made a pass

and grabbed her :censored:

Now two of his teeth are missing.

Mary had a little lamb

Its fleece was white and wispy.

Then it caught Foot and Mouth Disease

And now it's black and crispy.

by **dawson99** » Fri Jun 13, 2008 4:56 pm

Dundalk wrote:John O’Reilly hoisted his beer and said, “Here’s to spending the rest of me life, between the legs of me wife!”

That won him the top prize at the pub for the best toast of the night.

He went home and told his wife, Mary, “I won the prize for the Best toast of the night”.

She said, “Aye, did ye now. And what was your toast?”

John said, “Here’s to spending the rest of me life, sitting in church beside me wife.”

“Oh, that is very nice indeed, John!” Mary said.

The next day, Mary ran into one of John’s drinking buddies on the street corner. The man chuckled leeringly and said, “John won the prize the other night at the pub with a toast about you, Mary.”

She said, “Aye, he told me, and I was a bit surprised myself. You know, he’s only been there twice in the last four years. Once he fell asleep and the other time I had to pull him by the ears to make him come.”

by **Dundalk** » Sun Jun 22, 2008 3:50 pm

Did you hear what happened to the blind circumciser?

He got the sack

by **Dundalk** » Thu Jun 26, 2008 2:48 pm

A man walks into a petrol station and says, "Can I please have a KitKat Chunky."

The lady behind the till gets him a KitKat Chunky and brings it back to him.

"No," says the man, "I wanted a normal KitKat, you fat bitch."

by **dawson99** » Thu Jun 26, 2008 2:52 pm

Dundalk wrote:A man walks into a petrol station and says, "Can I please have a KitKat Chunky."

The lady behind the till gets him a KitKat Chunky and brings it back to him.

"No," says the man, "I wanted a normal KitKat, you fat bitch."

pure genius

by **Dundalk** » Thu Jun 26, 2008 2:57 pm

A man goes to his doctor's and says, "Doc, I've just been raped by an Elephant!".

The stunned doctor replies, "What makes you say that?".

"Well," says the man holding his hands about a foot or so apart, "my arsehole feels this big!".

"Bend over, and let me have a look." asks the doctor.

The guy bends over and sure enough, his arsehole is about ten inches across.

"But I thought that elephants only had a long, thin penis?" states the doctor.

"Yeah, I know," says the agitated man, "but it fingered me first!".

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