Liverpool FC Forum

by **dawson99** » Thu Aug 03, 2006 3:50 pm

im not, im sitting up

by **Judge** » Thu Aug 03, 2006 3:53 pm

attention again eh ?

stop watching jemma jameson porn then

by **dawson99** » Thu Aug 03, 2006 4:02 pm

better than jamie jemmerson porn!

by **account deleted by request** » Thu Aug 03, 2006 4:39 pm

dawson99 wrote:im not, im sitting up

Dawson sitting up with a friend

by **thegreedo** » Thu Aug 03, 2006 4:46 pm

s@int wrote:
dawson99 wrote:im not, im sitting up

Dawson sitting up with a friend

I didn't know Daws was seeing Ciggy?? :eyebrow

by **account deleted by request** » Thu Aug 03, 2006 4:50 pm

thegreedo wrote:
s@int wrote:
dawson99 wrote:im not, im sitting up

Dawson sitting up with a friend

I didn't know Daws was seeing Ciggy??

I thought I was in trouble mentioning Dawson - your as good as dead mate!

by **dawson99** » Thu Aug 03, 2006 4:53 pm

is that picture giving anyone else a semi? :help

by **account deleted by request** » Thu Aug 03, 2006 4:57 pm

dawson99 wrote:is that picture giving anyone else a semi?

you really do crack me up mate

by **anfieldadorer** » Mon Sep 11, 2006 6:35 am

Johnny wants to sleep with a girl in his office but she belongs to to someone else. One day, Johnny get frustrated that he goes up to her and says: " I'll give a thousand dollars if you let me sleep with you."
But the girl says no.
Johny tries again : "I'll be fast, I'll throw the money one the floor, you bend down, I'll be finished by the time you pick it up."
She thinks a moment and wish to consult with her boyfriend. So she calls her boyfriend and tells the story. Her boyfriend says:"Ask him for two thousand dollar and pick up the money very fast, he wont' be able to get his pants down"
So she agrees and accpept Johhny's proposal.
Half an hour goes by and the boyfriend is waiting for his girlfriend to call but he hasn't heard from her. Finally after 45 minutes, the boyfriend calls and asks her what happened.
She tell him:"The :censored:

used coins"

:laugh:

by **anti-hero** » Mon Sep 11, 2006 10:31 am

Here's some quotes from Mitch Hedberg. Said to be the next Seinfeld because of his uncanny ability to come up with brilliant one liners. Sadly, he passed away last year because of a drug overdose.

RIP.

-----

Also considered to be the Kurt Cobain of Comedy because of his long hair and "stoner" appearance.

-----

"The depressing thing about tennis is that no matter how much I play, I'll never be as good as.. a wall. I played a wall once. They're relentless."

"When someone hands you a flyer, it's like they're saying, here, you throw this away."

"I like rice. Rice is great if your hungry and want 2000 of something."

"I hate turkeys. If you stand in the meat section at the grocery store long enough, you start to get mad at turkeys. There's turkey ham, turkey bologna, turkey pastrami.. Some one needs to tell the turkey, man, just be yourself."

"I was going to get my teeth whitened, but I said screw that, I'll just get a tan instead."

"An escalator can never break. It can only become stairs. You would never seen an Escalator temporarily out of order sign, just Escalator temporarily stairs. Sorry for the convenience."

"I was walking down the street with my friend and he said "I hear music" As though there's another way you can take it in. You're not special. That's how I receive it too. I tried to taste it, but it did not work."

"Alcoholism, is a disease, but it's the only disease that you can get yelled at for having. Dammit Otto, you're an alcoholic. Dammit Otto, you have Lupis. One of those two doesn't sound right."

"I was walking by a drycleaner at 3a.m. and there was a sign that said Sorry, we're closed. You don't have to be sorry. It's 3a.m. and your a drycleaner. It would be ridiculous for me to expect you to be open. I'm not gonna come by at 10 and say, hey I was here at 3a.m and you guys were closed. Someone owes me an apology."

"I tried walking into a Target, but I missed."

"I'm sick of following my dreams. I'm just going to ask them where they're going and hook up with them later."

-----

-----

More quotes:

http://hometown.aol.com/valleygirl1983/mitch.html

by **66-1112520797** » Mon Sep 11, 2006 11:06 am

What do you call a man with no arms or legs lying in the grass ??

Russell

by **NiftyNeil** » Mon Sep 11, 2006 12:42 pm

I thought Russell was an epileptic under a pile of leaves.

by **mitch22** » Tue Sep 12, 2006 2:57 pm

>>A man enters a confessional and says to the Irish Priest:
>>
>>"Father, it has been one month since my last confession. I've had
>>s* x
>>with Fannie Green every week
>>for the last month."
>>
>>The priest tells the sinner: "You are forgiven. Go out and say
>>three Hail
>>Mary's'."
>>
>>Soon, another man enters the confessional. "Father, it has been
>>two months
>>since my last confession. I have
>>had s*x with Fannie Green twice a week for the last two months."
>>
>>This time the priest asks: "Who is this Fannie Green?"
>>
>>"A new woman in the neighbourhood," the sinner replies.
>>
>>"Very well," says the priest. "Go and say ten 'Hail Mary's'."
>>
>>The next morning in church, the priest is preparing to deliver
>>his sermon
>>when a gorgeous, tall woman
>>enters the church. All the men's eyes fall upon her as she slowly
>>sashays
>>up the aisle and sits down in front
>>of the Altar. Her dress is green and very short, with matching
>>shiny
>>emerald green shoes.
>>
>>The priest and altar boy gasp as the woman sits down with her
>>legs
>>slightly
>>spread apart, Sharon Stone-style. The priest turns to the altar
>>boy and
>>whisperingly asks: "Is that Fannie Green?"
>>
>>The altar boy replies: "No Father, I think its just the
>>reflection off
>>her shoes".

by **priv** » Fri Sep 15, 2006 10:05 am

These just make you chuckle every time you hear them

Ireland's worst air disaster occurred early this morning when a small two-seater Cessna plane crashed into a cemetery.

Irish search and rescue workers have recovered 1826 bodies so far and expect that number to climb as digging continues into the night

----

Apparently, 1 in 5 people in the world are Chinese.

There are 5 people in my family, so it must be one of them. It's either my mum or my Dad,my older Brother Colin, or my younger Brother Ho-Cha-Chu?

I think its Colin.

:laugh:

by **Mikz** » Fri Sep 15, 2006 1:10 pm

A little boy is kneeling to pray in his room, and he says DEAR HAROLD.. and his father says 'OI! WHOS HAROLD?'
'God' says the boy.
'Who did you hear calling him that?' asked the father
'Everyone in church' the boy said. 'When they pray they say-our father..who art in heaven..HAROLD be thy name :laugh:

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