Jokes thread - Post your funniest jokes here

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Postby joko » Tue May 09, 2006 3:16 pm

WHAT SIZE?
A young man went into a sex shop to buy some condoms and a sales girl approached him...
Sales girl: "Can I help you, Sir?"
Young man: "Yes, I want to buy some condoms."
Sales girl: "What size do you need, Sir?"
Young man: "I didn't realize they came in different sizes. I don't know what size I would need."
Sales girl: "May I hold your penis to tell what size you would need?"

As she was holding the penis, she called for assistance:

"Give me a SMALL one..."
"Wait! Make it MEDIUM..."
"Wait! Make it LARGE..."
" :censored:! Give me a TISSUE !!!"

:blush: :D
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Postby joko » Tue May 09, 2006 3:24 pm

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:O
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Postby woof woof ! » Tue May 09, 2006 6:05 pm

Two bald fella's are discussing their baldness .

1st fella "I was thinking of getting a transplant but changed my mind"
2nd fella "Why ? it sounds like a good idea "
1st fella  " I think I'd look a bit stupid with a kidney sewn to my head "

:D
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Postby ste123lfc » Sun May 21, 2006 1:38 pm

Q.  What goes beep beep beep beep.

A. The West Ham tour bus reversing back into the depot. :D
From Shankly to Brendan we follow our team, Rome to Istanbul we've all lived the dream. Our journey is long, our goal stays the same, to keep for our children the famous red name.
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Postby Mikz » Sun May 21, 2006 5:26 pm

A polar bear walks into a bar
and says....

"can........................I........................have...........................
a..................beer.................................please?"

The barman looks at him and says....

"what's with the BIG PAWS?"
'' Gary lineker may well have scored 5 goals in 5 minutes , but i think you have to say, what else did he do '' ...Jimmy Hill
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Postby account deleted by request » Mon May 22, 2006 4:38 am

Whats the difference between a good vacum cleaner and a wife











The vacum cleaner still sucks after five years
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Postby dawson99 » Mon May 22, 2006 8:13 am

:D
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Postby Woollyback » Wed May 31, 2006 11:46 pm

a bloke loses a leg in an explosion whilst working down the gold mine. he goes down the job centre and says to the woman "i'm old, and who the hell wants a one-legged gold digger these days?"

the woman strokes her chin and replies.......................















































                  ..................... "paul mccartney?"  :D
b*ll*c*ks and s*i*e
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Postby mitch22 » Tue Jul 18, 2006 2:57 pm

2 fish swim into a concrete wall






DAM:p
Liverpool are magic Everton are ..... :censored:
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Postby account deleted by request » Thu Jul 20, 2006 7:36 am

A bridegroom walks down the aisle laughing. His best man says" why are you laughing, your getting married today"
The bridegroom says "last night I had the best B.job of my life and today im marrying the person who gave it me.
The bride walks down the aisle laughing. Her bridesmaid asks, " why are you laughing, your getting married today.
The bride says "last night I gave the last B.job of my life."
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Postby babu » Fri Jul 21, 2006 9:30 am

The Pentagon announced TODAY the formation of a new 500-man elite fighting unit called the
United States Redneck Special Forces (USRSF)

These Alabama, Arkansas, Georgia, Kentucky, Mississippi, West Virginia, Missouri, Oklahoma, Tennessee, and Texas boys will be dropped off into Iraq and have been given only the
following facts about terrorists:

1. The season opened today.
2. There is no limit.
3. They taste just like chicken.
4. They don't like beer, pickups, country music or Jesus.
5. They are directly responsible for the death of Dale Earnhardt.


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The Pentagon expects the problem in Iraq to be over by Friday



:D
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Postby Kharhaz » Sat Jul 22, 2006 1:12 am

A guys sat in a car outside school he says hey come in me car i'll give ya a sweetie, girl says hey give me the bag i'll come in ya mouth!
Bill Shankly: “I was the best manager in Britain because I was never devious or cheated anyone. I’d break my wife’s legs if I played against her, but I’d never cheat her.”
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Postby davo_LFC » Sat Jul 22, 2006 1:47 am

Whats michael jacksons favourite type of cheese?
Babybell :D :O ???
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Postby luvliverpool » Sat Jul 22, 2006 8:05 pm

Ferrari Formula 1 Team have announced that they have fired their entire Pit Crew yesterday. The action followed Ferrari's decision to take  advantage of the British Government's Work For the Dole Scheme and hire unemployed youths from Manchester. The decision was brought on by a recent documentary on how unemployed Mancs were able to remove a  set of car wheels in less than 6 seconds with just a pair of mole grips each.

Whereas Ferrari's existing crew can only do it in 8 seconds with millions  of pounds worth of high-tech gear. This was thought to be an
excellent and bold move by Ferrari management, as most F1 races are won and lost in the pits.

Ferrari are now seen to have a massive advantage over every other
team. However, Ferrari got more than they bargained for during the
Manc Crew's first practice session. Not only were they able to change the tyres in under 6 seconds, but within 12 seconds they had also resprayed, rebadged, and sold the vehicle to the McLaren Team for four dozen bottles of Beer, a gram of Coke and a quick shuffty at Montoya's bird in the shower.
Anfield The Home And Heart Of Football
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Postby anfieldadorer » Wed Jul 26, 2006 3:47 pm

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:laugh:
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