Liverpool FC Forum

by **kazza 1** » Mon Mar 27, 2006 2:53 pm

Two engineering students were walking across campus when one said, "Where did you get such a great bike?"

The second engineer replied, "Well, I was walking along yesterday minding my own business when a beautiful woman rode up on this bike. She threw the bike to the ground, took off all her clothes and said, 'Take what you want.'"

The second engineer nodded approvingly, "Good choice; the clothes probably wouldn't have fit."

by **Judge** » Mon Mar 27, 2006 2:58 pm

kazza 1 wrote:Two engineering students were walking across campus when one said, "Where did you get such a great bike?"

The second engineer replied, "Well, I was walking along yesterday minding my own business when a kazza rode up on this bike. I threw the bike to the ground, took off all my clothes and said, 'Take what you want.'"

The second engineer nodded approvingly about the story of the bike riding tart, "Good choice; the clothes probably wouldn't have fit."

good personal joke kazza

by **stmichael** » Mon Mar 27, 2006 7:37 pm

A man is sat at the liverpool v everton game the other day
there is an empty seat next to him, so a guy shouts over and says:

'hey mate whys that seat empty? that's disgusting for a derby game'

so the guy replies

'it was my wifes but she died last week'

'oh im sorry mate, but why didnt you ask one of your mates to go instead ?'

to which he replies:

'no-one could make it because theyve all gone to the funeral'

by **dawson99** » Thu Mar 30, 2006 2:19 pm

A man bumps into a woman in a hotel lobby and as he does, his elbow
> goes into her breast. They are both quite startled. The man turns to her
> and says, "Ma'am, if your heart is as soft as your breast, I know
> you'll forgive me." She replies, "If your d*ck is as hard as your elbow, I'm
> in Room 221."

A couple had been married for 50 years. They were sitting at the
> breakfast table one morning when the wife says, "Just think, fifty
> years ago we were sitting here at this breakfast table together." "I know,"
> the old man said, "we were probably sitting here naked as jaybirds
> fifty years ago." "Well," Granny snickered, "let's relive some old times."
> Whereupon the two stripped to the buff and sat down at the table. "You
> know, honey," the little old lady breathlessly replied, "My ni*ples are
> as hot for you today as they were fifty years ago. "I wouldn't be
> surprised," replied Gramps. "One's in your coffee and the other is in
> your oatmeal."

by **anfieldadorer** » Thu Mar 30, 2006 4:24 pm

stmichael wrote:Phil Neville was arrested last night for assaulting a taxi driver who asked him what way he was heading.

by **kazza 1** » Thu Mar 30, 2006 7:03 pm

Judge wrote:
kazza 1 wrote:Two engineering students were walking across campus when one said, "Where did you get such a great bike?"

The second engineer replied, "Well, I was walking along yesterday minding my own business when a kazza rode up on this bike. I threw the bike to the ground, took off all my clothes and said, 'Take what you want.'"

The second engineer nodded approvingly about the story of the bike riding tart, "Good choice; the clothes probably wouldn't have fit."

good personal joke kazza

Very good Judge. :laugh:

by **kazza 1** » Thu Mar 30, 2006 7:07 pm

Young Justin has a cursing problem, and his father’s getting tired of it.

He decides to ask a shrink what to do. The shrink says, “Negative reinforcement. Since Christmas is coming up, ask Justin what he wants from Santa. If he curses while he tells you his wish list, leave a pile of dog poop in place of each gift he requests.”

Two days before Christmas, Justin’s father asks him what he wants for Christmas. “I want a damn teddy bear lying beside me when I wake up. When I go downstairs, I want to see a damn train going around the damn tree. And when I go outside, I want to see a damn bike leaning up against the damn garage.”

On Christmas morning, Justin wakes up and rolls into a pile of dog poop. Confused, he walks downstairs and sees another pile under the tree. He walks outside, looks at a huge pile of dog poo by the garage, and walks inside. His dad smiles and asks, “What did Santa bring you this year?”

Justin replies, “I think I got a goddamn dog, but I can’t find the son of a bitch!”

by **anfieldadorer** » Sun Apr 23, 2006 3:18 am

CLOONEY AGREES TO PLAY MOURINHO

http://www.contactmusic.com/new....02_2006

hair is the issue
:laugh:

by **anfieldadorer** » Sun Apr 23, 2006 3:42 am

it's a joke to me so i put it here:

Chelsea manager Jose Mourinho showed a distinct lack of class after failing to shake Rafa's hands after Liverpool dumped Chelsea out of the cup.

Jose Mourinho who bought his Chelsea team with Abramovich's millions refused to shake Rafa's hand after it was offered by Liverpool's boss at the final whistle.

During the post match interview Jose refused to congratulate Rafa Benitez citing bad refereeing decisions and 'wishing' Liverpool luck in qualifying for the Champions League.

Chelsea, a club with no history, will therefore feel no embarrasment at their manager's actions. But we all know no Liverpool manager would ever act in such an arrogant petulant manner.

2-1 to the European Champions. Enough said.

by **anti-hero** » Sun Apr 23, 2006 7:38 am

Seems that Rafa wasnt the only one that spoilt Maureen-io's day..

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=qmDs_spbmn8

by **anfieldadorer** » Sun Apr 23, 2006 8:14 am

anti-hero wrote:Seems that Rafa wasnt the only one that spoilt Maureen-io's day..

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=qmDs_spbmn8

class that

any idea in which match was that happening?

by **anti-hero** » Sun Apr 23, 2006 8:38 am

Remember when we beat Chelsea 2 to 1... ?

I think it had something to do with an FA Cup semi-final..

I'm guessing the advice Mourinho gave to Fat Frank about him losing some weight backfired and Mourinho, (as always...) is looking for someone else to blame..

by **anfieldadorer** » Sun Apr 23, 2006 9:31 am

of course not, i was too young

by **The Ace1983** » Sun Apr 23, 2006 10:06 am

Q. What's got two legs and bleeds?
A. Half a dog.

by **dawson99** » Mon Apr 24, 2006 6:28 pm

joses been seeing taking viagra
apparently he cant get past a semi

(joke courtesy of somsone and i cant remeber!!!)

Liverpool FC Forum

Jokes thread - Post your funniest jokes here

Who is online