Liverpool FC Forum

[Lando_Griffin]

"You aim like a sissy girl!" "Now read this, and NEVER question Lando's spelling again!:

Chiwawa

Just as Judge browsed the site, Lando wiped his a*se (having just sh*t all over the Lawman and his one-eyed friend), and decided to hot-foot it to the back of the taxidermists and get some embalming fluid.
He grabbed the bottle, along with a funnel and a length of hose, then ran back to his sh*t-stained foes.

"Drink this, you vermin scum!" Lando shouted. "Ok boss, they both replied in tandem.

Several minutes later, the taxidermists had 2 new ornaments in the window, and Lando made his way to Bognor Regis with hot granny sex in mind...

[Judge]

upon reaching bognor.......... lando....

[Lando_Griffin]

...Scoured the bingo halls and bowling greens for a suitably ancient harridan.

He...

[Scottbot]

...spotted a dainty little damsel in the corner towards the back, suitably wrinkled and not a day under 80. 'JACKPOT' he thought and tried to catch her eye from across the room....

[Judge]

indeed he did catch her eye, literally, the glass one rolled along the floor towards lando........

[burjennio]

..... Who preceeded to recreate the classic John Barnes Lucozade sport ad by flicking it up and volleying it straight into a nearby bin

[Judge]

where greedo and ace1983 were celebrating a gay birthday bash together.... Lando screamed i want to come.

Judge decided that these chutney ferrets needed exterminating, so aimed an AK-47 in there direction and opened fire...... ack ack ack went the gunfire.....

[Judge]

it ricochetted off lando left buttock and screamed straight into.......

[Lando_Griffin]

The granny he had been planning on taking home and bumming.

"NO!" Lando screamed, as his hot date for the evening leaked blood quicker than a Chinaman's orgasm.

He raced over and cradled the old bat in his copacious arms. He considered sticking it in her as per her dying wish, but reconsidered when he realised she was that ancient she needed half a gallon of lube to do the deed.
Just as she was breathing her last, Judge pounced on the old biddy and started humping her butt-hole with glee. With her last act, the aged termagant moaned with wrinkled delight, and slumped to her death.

Judge continued to sully the old crone's rectum for some considerable time. Hours later, once he had fully contented himself, he drew out the rasping acorn he called a penis, wiped it on the beldam's kagool, and smoked a cigarette butt he found on the floor of the bingo hall. (This is pre-smoking ban of course.)

Having watched Lando and the gang's escape with a kind of detached interest, he set about retrieving their trail and enlisted the aid of the Bingo caller, Redtrader.

Together, they...

[red37]

Hours later, once he had fully contented himself, he drew out the rasping acorn he called a penis

Judge? - You rapscallion of a stallion you 




...set off on a great and glorious adventure, a quest to find the holiest of grails known to man. Namely, the hidden texts of the revered 'Abawusu' tribes parchments that reveal their ancient mythical instructions in the art of penile extension. A clue left behind in the foyer of the 'Gala' premises in Huddersfield led Judge, apprehensively, to conclude that their obvious destination would lead them deep into the dark lands. The wild and unfathomably grim heart of the rain forests of 'De Congo'. Without further ado, Red and Judge made little time in heading straight for the airport - and embarked upon Flight S1033 to Kinshasa, where the trail would be that one step closer to becoming realised...little did they know, that...

[Judge]

lando had sneaked onto the aircraft aswell, thru a small hole in the fusilage (lando was used to small holes, unless he wore an ironing on his back when with women or men for that matter). To disguise himself, lando prolapsed his anus, and began to cover himself in mounds of rectal flesh, that resembled a large but grotesque ripped slipper

just then....................

[Ciggy]

Red37 went home and had a bit of Fray Bentos pie with spuds in the tin............

[red37]

Red37 went home and had a bit of Fray Bentos pie with spuds in the tin............

[Ciggy]

Lando & Judge then decided to hire a barge cruiser, buy some frozen sausage rolls from Iceland and travel up the Norfolk Broads and kill Bernard Matthews. Matthews lived in a £314,899 complex in Great Yarmouth and had apparently been cutting the head of turkeys and dancing around in his yellow bib and brace.

Judge & Lando killed at least five swans they where put in the fridge to use for later on.

Judge was in his element. He loved to waterski behind the boat but as this jalopy only went 2 knots, technically the speed of an old woman chewing a boiled sweet, Lando just dragged Judge through the brown murky water as his skis picked up used condoms, diseased turkeys and his big gob filled with loose turds.....................

[Judge]

Lando & Judge then decided to hire a barge cruiser, buy some frozen sausage rolls from Iceland and travel up the Norfolk Broads and kill Bernard Matthews. Matthews lived in a £314,899 complex in Great Yarmouth and had apparently been cutting the head of turkeys and dancing around in his yellow bib and brace.

Judge & Lando killed at least five swans they where put in the fridge to use for later on.

Judge was in his element. He loved to waterski behind the boat but as this jalopy only went 2 knots, technically the speed of an old woman chewing a boiled sweet, Lando just dragged Judge through the brown murky water as his skis picked up used condoms, diseased turkeys and his big gob filled with loose turds.....................

omg.......... suitably cleaned afterwards by a few hot ladies, judge was fine. Lando thought it necessary to roger ciggy....