Liverpool FC Forum

[woof woof !]

To another fella
"I think your wife has been cheating on us again .

[drummerphil]

you were that ugly as a baby they had to put tinted glass on the incubator       

[woof woof !]

  For a minute there Phil i thought that last word was "incinerator" 

[Ola Mr Benitez]

I like "your that ugly, your face looks like it was on fire and someone put it out with a spade"

[Judge]

i wouldnt touch you with his

[woof woof !]

"I wouldn't take you to a dog fight , even if I thought you could win" 

[Judge]

"I wouldn't take you to a dog fight , even if I thought you could win" 

in certain areas of thailand they say ''i wouildnt take you to a c'ock fight, even if you could win''   

[RedRoots]

Phils spot on most put downs depends on the individual, One time of of me mates went out with a terrible cardigan on, and when he got to the bar one of the lads said (and i p!ssed me self at the time but not sure how funny it will come across on a forum)

"What are you having to drink Bad-Cardi and Coke"

Theres a fella called Peter with a massive head by ares as well and me mate always goes:

"What would you rather have, A million Quid or Peters head full of pound coins"!!!

I myself luaghing at those, quality.

I like "you have a face like a bucket of lego"
or
"you have a face like a bowl of foreskin"

[Lando_Griffin]

Robbie Williams came up with a good one when describing Sophie Ellis-Bextor:

"She's got a face like my Grandma's ankles."


When someone starts mouthing, and saying they'll beat me at whatever, I say "You couldn't beat an egg with an electric whisk".

"I've had clag nuts that caused me more problems than you could."

"You're so ugly that the term 'Waling Banshee' derives from the day your Mother first saw you."


"You're so fat that the London Olympics organisers need to move you out of the Country to fit the Marathon in."

To a fat person: "Quick! McDonalds have got a sale on!"

The all time best one though, especially if you're able to do it without p*ssing your pants, is this:

My mate had been waiting at the McDonalds drive-thru for about 10 minutes, when this fat bird finally brings him his snap.
Well they have to say "Sorry about your wait". So, quick as a flash, he retorts; "I should worry about yours!", then drives off!

F*cking hilarious that was!!!! (Even though it was very cruel!)

"You're a cheating, weasley, low-life scumbucket with all the charm and social grace of a pubic louse" - Red Dwarf.

Person one: "You can't judge a book by it's cover."
Person two: "You can't confuse (name) with a book. For a start, a books got a spine." - Red Dwarf.

"Now kindly cluck off, before I extract your gibblets, and shove a large seasoned onion between the lips you never kiss with. " - Red Dwarf.


"What will I tell people if they see my face?"

"Tell them you took your car to the crushers and forgot to get out." - Red Dwarf.

"Appreciate what you've got because basically I'm fantastic." - RD.

"You're about as much use as a condom machine in the Vatican." - RD.

Enough of the Red Dwarf quotes now!!!!!



"If brains were cheese you wouldn't have enough to make a sandwich."

"If brains were liquid, yours wouldn't fill a thimble."

"You weren't at the back of the queue when brains were handed out, you turned up a week late."

[Judge]

alot of thought there lando, nice  

[woof woof !]

"I'm sorry I made you cry , but now at least your face is clean "