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According to OPTA statistics, Chelsea player Fernando Torres completes more successful sulks than any other Premier league player, grumpily covering almost one mile per match.
The surly Spaniard is now the most successful sulker in the league and looks frustrated, bored or petulant for an average of 82 minutes per game, breaking the previously long-standing record set by Nicolas Anelka during his time at Arsenal twelve years ago.
"We've spent some time analysing all the data," said OPTA statistician, "and it shows that Fernando's bottom lip hangs down by his chin - like
hang from a whore's - most of the time he spends on a football pitch.""And if he can convert more sulks into full blown hissy fits he could well go on breaking records for the foreseeable future. That's how good he is."
Fernando who has been perfecting his forlorn, sullen strops for the last 18 months and is sure he can improve now that he's at a 'big' club.
"I was definitely being held back at Liverpool", Torres whined in the general direction of his mother. "With Kenny coming in the whole mood lifted and I didn't feel I could really take my sulking to the next level with everyone around me being so annoyingly positive and slappably upbeat."
"So it was no brainer in the end - I should leave and join a bunch of mercenaries who are already bitching and back-stabbing like girls at a Kerry Katona hen night, making it the perfect place to get really,
moody."And with Nicolas [Anelka] being there I'll be learning from the master himself."
^^^ 
