Liverpool FC Forum

HOLA journalists! That’s Spanish for “hello journalists” by the way. Listen, in Spain, where I am from, we have a snappy saying: “whomsoever says someone else is arrogant is in fact arrogant themselves because they have called someone arrogant”. I think that is perfectly clear, don’t you?

And you know to whom I am referring, don’t you? Listen, I would like you to turn your tape recorders off now.

If you choose to use the 100% correct information I am about to give you in your newspapers, then that is entirely up to you, but please do not quote me directly.

The man to whom I am referring is Ferguson Siralex, the manager of Manchester United, who, let me remind you, have failed to win the Premier League for 11 whole months. Ferguson Siralex has been referring to someone as arrogant who, in fact, is very humble and not at all arrogant.

That man to whom he is referring is, in fact, myself, Rafael “Rafa” Benitez. And the man to whom I am referring is referring to me as arrogant because he is arrogant himself. Ha! I am indeed the Spanish Oscar Wilde, although I am happily married, whereas I believe Oscar Wilde’s marriage was in fact unhappy.


Now, I cannot understand why I, myself, Rafael “Rafa” Benitez, a Spaniard, a Madrista and the man chosen to lead Liverpool to third place in the Premier League - The Very Special One if you will - could be described as arrogant.

Listen, in my humble opinion, I am the most humble man on Merseyside and the Wirral peninsula (that’s a Spanish word you know; Wirral).

In fact, if there were a prize for being the most humble man in football (and I must check if there is) then in all humility, I am sure I would win it.

Listen, I am sure Ferguson Siralex is attempting to bait me into saying something rash, into responding like a bull to a red rag (ah, sweet blood-stained memories . . .) into saying something that would damage the third-place aspirations of Liverpool, the club whom I, merely the son of an upper-middle-class hotel owner, was personally invited to manage. Has Ferguson Siralex ever been personally invited to manage Liverpool? He has not. I rest my case.

And, remember, Liverpool are a big club, not like Everton, who, by the way, are a little club. As are Blackburn Rovers, for whom it is game over if you know what I mean by this gesture [clenches hand into fist and violently jerks it up and down].

I am going to respond by saying absolutely nothing about his arrogance in referring to myself, Rafael “Rafa” Benitez, as arrogant. Except I will say this: Ferguson Siralex is nervous that we were top of the table for two whole hours last week.

He is nervous of my humble self and the last time I mentioned this in public, his poor quality management made the team so nervous that they did not win for two whole days. I do not want to play mind games, but that showed him who was the psychological boss.

Listen, I happen to spontaneously have in my hands a sheet of paper. It contains all my accusations. I accuse him of playing Wayne Rooney in most Premier League games. I accuse him of not drawing at home to Stoke and Hull. I accuse him of not wasting money on Martin Skrtel, Mark Gonzalez and Jermaine Pennant. And I accuse him of still being in the Champions League. Once again, you can see that I, the humble Rafael “Rafa” Benitez, am right yet again. Olé!