Liverpool FC Forum

by **Roger Red Hat** » Wed Jul 07, 2004 11:14 am

Zidane, Luis Figo and David Beckham are standing in Heaven before the throne of God. God looks at them and says; "And so here you are here to face your Lord and maker. I shall ask each of you a question."
Addressing Zidane first he asks, "Zinedine, the world's greatest football player, what is it that you believe brought you here before me?"

Zidane looks God in the eye and says passionately, "I believe football to be the food of life. Nothing else brings such unbridled joy to so many people, from the slums of Marseilles to the bright lights of Madrid. I have devoted my life to bring such joy to people, with little else, who stood on
the terraces supporting their team." God smiles and offers Zidane a seat to his left.

He then turns to Luis Figo, "And similarly you, Luis, a hero to so many, what do you think it was brought you to my throne?" Figo stands tall and proud, "I believe courage, honour and passion are the fundamentals to life
and I've spent my whole playing career providing a living embodiment of these commitments." God, moved by the passion of his speech offers Figo a seat to his right.

He then turns to Beckham, "And David, presumably you just want your ball back?"

by **stmichael** » Wed Jul 07, 2004 12:27 pm

David Beckham walks into a sperm donor bank,

"I'd like to donate some sperm" he says to the receptionist.

"Certainly Sir" replies the receptionist, "have you donated before?".

"Yes" replies Beckham "you should have my details on your computer".

"Oh yes, I've found your details" says the receptionist "but I see you're going to need help. Shall I call Posh Spice for you?"

"Why do I need help?" asks Beckham. The receptionist replies

"Well David, it says on your record that you're a useless w#nker...."

by **taff** » Wed Jul 07, 2004 12:44 pm

Good news from Iraq is Saddam Hussein has been sentenced to the death penalty but the bad news is Beckhams taking it

by **stmichael** » Wed Jul 07, 2004 12:50 pm

Alex Ferguson is on Who Wants To Be A Millionaire.. He is stuck on the question for £1 million - What creature lives in a set - a) a cuckoo, B) a badger, c) a rabbit or d) an elephant.

Alex Ferguson uses his 50/50 and is left with a) a cuckoo and B) a badger.

He is still clueless as to the correct answer so he uses his last lifeline and rings David Beckham. Alex Ferguson repeats the question and the two remaining options to Beckham. Beckham confidently says "I am 100% certain it's a badger boss"

Alex Ferguson thanks Beckham, gives B) a badger as his final answer and wins the £1 million prize.

At training next day he takes Beckham to one side and thanks him again. "By the way David", he said, "why were you so certain you were right?" Beckham replies with a smug smile on his face "because everyone knows a cuckoo lives in a clock........"

:laugh:

by **Dom1** » Wed Jul 07, 2004 2:10 pm

taff wrote:Good news from Iraq is Saddam Hussein has been sentenced to the death penalty but the bad news is Beckhams taking it

I have heard that 1 already, he isnt taking it anymore, some kind of joke thing i was told

by **ckay** » Wed Jul 07, 2004 2:27 pm

Posh Spice has broken the world gang bang record. In 120 mins her shaven Tw*t F*cked the whole country!!

by **mynameisred** » Wed Jul 07, 2004 2:35 pm

What Happened to Beckham when he went to mount Olive?

by **mynameisred** » Wed Jul 07, 2004 2:36 pm

Popeye kicked the ****** out of him

by **taff** » Wed Jul 07, 2004 5:39 pm

Figo, Ronaldo and Beckham are at the pearly gates of
heaven, when
St. Peter opens the gate.

He turns to Figo and asks 'why do you deserves eternal
happiness in
heaven my son'.

Figo replies 'I am an artist, i inspire young people
to be great
footballers, and in turn take them away from a life of
crime.'

St. Peter nods, impressed.

He turns to Ronaldo and asks the same question.

Ronaldo retorts 'When i play football i treat everyone
as an equal,
i see no ethnic or racial divides. The boy from Rio is
the same as
the superstar from Madrid.'

One again St. Peter is impressed, and nods.

Next he turns to Beckham.

"I suppose you want your ball back?"

by **taff** » Wed Jul 07, 2004 5:40 pm

Ooops thats the first joke

by **zarababe** » Wed Jul 07, 2004 6:12 pm

Says it all I suppose

by **Dom1** » Wed Jul 07, 2004 6:17 pm

did he get that book to late then.....

by **supersub** » Wed Jul 07, 2004 11:31 pm

by **ckay** » Thu Jul 08, 2004 11:31 am

Class!!!!

by **zarababe** » Thu Jul 08, 2004 12:52 pm

Liverpool FC Forum

Beckham bashing - Any jokes?

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