Liverpool FC Forum

stmichael wrote:Taken from Cuff from .TV's e-season forum.

Thought everyone could do with a laugh.

1. Rafael Benitez does not sleep. He waits.

2. Rafael Benitez has counted to infinity. Twice.

3. In fine print on the last page of the Guinness Book of World Records it notes that all world records are held by Rafael Benitez, and those listed in the book are simply the closest anyone else has ever gotten.

4. There is no theory of evolution, just a list of creatures Rafael Benitez allows to live.

5. Rafael Benitez is the only man to ever defeat a brick wall in a game of tennis.

6. When Rafael Benitez sends in his taxes, he sends blank forms and includes only a picture of himself, crouched and ready to attack. Rafael Benitez has not had to pay taxes ever.

7. A Handicap parking sign does not signify that this spot is for
handicapped people. It is actually in fact a warning, that the spot belongs to Rafael Benitez and that you will be handicapped if you park there.

8. Rafael Benitez originally appeared in the first ever football video game, but was removed by Beta Testers because every button caused him to score. When asked bout this "glitch," Benitez replied, "That's no glitch."

9. Rafael Benitez once shot down a German fighter plane with his finger, by yelling, "Bang!"

10. Rafael Benitez is not hung like a horse... horses are hung like Rafael Benitez

11. Time waits for no man. Unless that man is Rafael Benitez.

12. When Rafael Benitez goes to donate blood, he declines the syringe, and instead requests a hand gun and a bucket.

13. There are no weapons of mass destruction. Just Rafael Benitez.

14. There are no races, only countries of people Rafael Benitez has beaten to different shades of black and blue.

15. When Rafael Benitez falls in water, Rafael Benitez doesn't get wet. Water gets Rafael Benitez.

16. Rafael Benitez CAN believe it's not butter.

17. Rafael Benitez invented black. In fact, he invented the entire spectrum of visible light. Except pink. David Moyes invented pink.

18. Rafael Benitez has the greatest Poker-Face of all time. He won the 1983 World Series of Poker, despite holding only a Joker, a Get out of Jail Free Monopoloy card, a 2 of clubs, 7 of spades and a green #4 card from the game UNO.

19. Archeologists unearthed an old english dictionary dating back to the year 1236. It defined "victim" as "one who has encountered Rafael Benitez"

20. Rafael Benitez doesn't bowl strikes, he just knocks down one pin and the other nine faint.

21. Rafael Benitez can slam a revolving door.

22. Rafael Benitez played Russian Roulete with a fully loaded gun and won.

23. Some people wear Superman pyjamas. Superman wears Rafael Benitez pyjamas.

24. When God said, "let there be light", Rafael Benitez said, "say 'please'."

25. Rafael Benitez uses a night light. Not because Rafael Benitez is afraid of the dark, but the dark is afraid of Rafael Benitez.

classic