The Everton board have decided to change sponsorship with Carling to Tampax with effect immediate. They considered it a good change since the club was going through a very bad period!
A van driver used to amuse himself by scaring the s**t out of every Man U fan he saw strutting down the road in his red and white uniform. He would swerve as if to hit them, and at the last minute, swerve back onto the road. One day as he was driving along the road, he saw a priest hitch-hiking. He thought he would do his good deed for the day and offer the priest a lift. "Where are you going, Father?" he asked.
"I'm going to say Mass at St Joseph's church, about 2 miles down the road," came the reply.
"No problem," said the driver, "Jump in and I'll give you a lift."
The happy priest climbed into the van and they set off down the road. Suddenly the driver caught site of a Manc on the pavement, and instinctively swerved as if to hit him, but just in time, remembering the priest in his van, swerved back to the road again, narrowly missing the guy. Although he was certain that he didn't hit him, however, he still heard a loud "Thud". Not understanding where the noise came from, he glanced in his mirrors, and, seeing nothing, said to the priest, "Sorry Father, I almost hit that Manchester Supporter walking down the road there."
"That's okay," replied the priest, "I got the f****** with the door!!"
Jokes - I have a few submit your best
24 posts
• Page 1 of 2 • 1, 2
by Chrissy » Fri Feb 11, 2005 9:26 am
A primary teacher explains to her class that she is a Manchester Utd fan. She asks her students to raise their hands if they, too, are Man U fans. Everyone in the class raises their hand except one little girl. The teacher looks at the girl with surprise and says, "Mary, why didn't you raise your hand?"
"Because I'm not a Man U fan," she replied.
The teacher, still shocked, asked, "Well, if you are not a Man U fan, then who are you a fan of?"
"I am a Liverpool fan, and proud of it," Mary replied.
The teacher could not believe her ears.
"Mary, why, pray tell, are you a Liverpool fan?"
"Because my mum is a Liverpool fan, and my dad is a Liverpool fan, so I'm a Liverpool fan too!"
"Well," said the teacher in an obviously annoyed tone, "that is no reason for you to be a Liverpool fan. You don't have to be just like your parents all of the time. What if your mum was a prostitute and your dad was a drug addict, what would you be then?"
"Then," Mary smiled, "Then I'd be a Manchester Utd fan."
"Because I'm not a Man U fan," she replied.
The teacher, still shocked, asked, "Well, if you are not a Man U fan, then who are you a fan of?"
"I am a Liverpool fan, and proud of it," Mary replied.
The teacher could not believe her ears.
"Mary, why, pray tell, are you a Liverpool fan?"
"Because my mum is a Liverpool fan, and my dad is a Liverpool fan, so I'm a Liverpool fan too!"
"Well," said the teacher in an obviously annoyed tone, "that is no reason for you to be a Liverpool fan. You don't have to be just like your parents all of the time. What if your mum was a prostitute and your dad was a drug addict, what would you be then?"
"Then," Mary smiled, "Then I'd be a Manchester Utd fan."
-
Chrissy - >> LFC Elite Member <<
- Posts: 309
- Joined: Wed Dec 08, 2004 9:25 am
- Location: Planet Earth
by Chrissy » Fri Feb 11, 2005 9:27 am
A man goes to Liverpool airport and eventually goes into the departure lounge to wait for the call for his flight home. The place is a mess. All around him are overturned tables, smashed windows, upturned chairs, broken flight monitors and crowd control barriers littering the floor. "Christ, what happened here?" he asks one of the ground crew.
"Oh," he replies. "Bloody hopeless it was, we had the Everton squad in here this morning filming the new Puma ad!"
Today is David Moyes’ 30th birthday and he will be having a meal with his team-mates tonight. However, they will have to eat with their hands as they have no silverware.
Q: What do you call a MANC in a three bedroom semi?
A burglar.
(No Offence to anyone from manchester)
"Oh," he replies. "Bloody hopeless it was, we had the Everton squad in here this morning filming the new Puma ad!"
Today is David Moyes’ 30th birthday and he will be having a meal with his team-mates tonight. However, they will have to eat with their hands as they have no silverware.
Q: What do you call a MANC in a three bedroom semi?
A burglar.
(No Offence to anyone from manchester)
-
Chrissy - >> LFC Elite Member <<
- Posts: 309
- Joined: Wed Dec 08, 2004 9:25 am
- Location: Planet Earth
by Fingers » Fri Feb 11, 2005 11:53 am
a golden oldie
The Manchester United Virus ... This is where your PC thinks it's far
superior to any other PC and develops a memory disorder, forgetting
anything
that happened before 1993.
The David Beckham Virus ... This mainly affects newer PCs. The computer
looks great, all the lights are on, but nothing works.
The Roy Keane Virus ... This one is particularly nasty and will throw you
out of Windows at the slightest provocation.
The Alex Ferguson Virus ... The computer develops a continuous whining
noise
and the on screen clock runs a lot faster or slower than all the other
computers in the building (depending on how your day's been).
The Tim Howard Virus .... This one's notparticularly harmful but you
just can't save anything.
The Neville Bros. Virus ..... Just when you think things can't get any
worse, this one pops up and causes a calamitous error.
The Ryan Giggs Virus ... The computer develops a processor problem whereby
it thinks it's better than it actually is. It also experiences dramatic
fluctuations in performance.
The Luke Chadwick Virus .... This is a particularly ugly one.
The Manchester United Shirt Virus... This one is especially hard to detect
as the format changes every 3 months.........................
The Manchester United Virus ... This is where your PC thinks it's far
superior to any other PC and develops a memory disorder, forgetting
anything
that happened before 1993.
The David Beckham Virus ... This mainly affects newer PCs. The computer
looks great, all the lights are on, but nothing works.
The Roy Keane Virus ... This one is particularly nasty and will throw you
out of Windows at the slightest provocation.
The Alex Ferguson Virus ... The computer develops a continuous whining
noise
and the on screen clock runs a lot faster or slower than all the other
computers in the building (depending on how your day's been).
The Tim Howard Virus .... This one's notparticularly harmful but you
just can't save anything.
The Neville Bros. Virus ..... Just when you think things can't get any
worse, this one pops up and causes a calamitous error.
The Ryan Giggs Virus ... The computer develops a processor problem whereby
it thinks it's better than it actually is. It also experiences dramatic
fluctuations in performance.
The Luke Chadwick Virus .... This is a particularly ugly one.
The Manchester United Shirt Virus... This one is especially hard to detect
as the format changes every 3 months.........................
As always I am focused on supporting the Cloob and the Manager
-
Fingers - Posts: 200
- Joined: Thu Aug 26, 2004 6:24 pm
- Location: Watford, England
by anfieldadorer » Sun Mar 06, 2005 3:34 am
Mr. Japanese
First school day in an American School. The female teacher introduces a
new student. Sakiro Suzuki (son of Sony CEO).
The class starts:
Teacher: "let's see who masters the American Culture History. Who said:
GIVE ME THE FREEDOM OR THE DEATH".
It was quiet in the class. Suzuki rises the hand: " Patrick Henry 1775
in Philadelphia"
"Very good Suzuki."
And who said: "The State is the people. The people may not go down.
Suzuki stands: :" Abraham Lincoln 1863 in Washington. "
The teacher look at the students and says: "Shame you. Suzuki is
Japanese and knows the American History better than you".
A voice is coming out from background: "Kiss my ***, you damned
Japanese"
"Who said that?" the teacher screams. Suzuki rises the hand and without
waiting he says: " General McArthur 1942 at Panama Canal and Lee Iacocca
1982 in the BOD meeting of General Motor."
The class is super quiet. From behind: "I must vomit"
The teacher screams: "Who was that?"
Suzuki answers: "George Bush Senior to Japanese First Minister Tanaka
during lunch in Tokyo 1991"
One of the students stands and screams angrily: "Blow me one"
The teacher upset: "Now stop. Who was that now?"
Suzuki without blinking the eye: "Bill Clinton to Monica Levinsky 1997
in Washington in oval room of White House"
Another students stands and screams: "Suzuki damned you"
Suzuki says: "Valentino Rossi in Ryo at Grand Prix Motorcycle racing in
South Africa 2002"
The class falls in hysteria, the teacher becomes unconscious. The door
opens and the principal comes in: "**ck, I have never seen such a mess"
Suzuki: German Chancellor Schroeder after he was betrayed in the budget
by Finance Minister Eichel.
First school day in an American School. The female teacher introduces a
new student. Sakiro Suzuki (son of Sony CEO).
The class starts:
Teacher: "let's see who masters the American Culture History. Who said:
GIVE ME THE FREEDOM OR THE DEATH".
It was quiet in the class. Suzuki rises the hand: " Patrick Henry 1775
in Philadelphia"
"Very good Suzuki."
And who said: "The State is the people. The people may not go down.
Suzuki stands: :" Abraham Lincoln 1863 in Washington. "
The teacher look at the students and says: "Shame you. Suzuki is
Japanese and knows the American History better than you".
A voice is coming out from background: "Kiss my ***, you damned
Japanese"
"Who said that?" the teacher screams. Suzuki rises the hand and without
waiting he says: " General McArthur 1942 at Panama Canal and Lee Iacocca
1982 in the BOD meeting of General Motor."
The class is super quiet. From behind: "I must vomit"
The teacher screams: "Who was that?"
Suzuki answers: "George Bush Senior to Japanese First Minister Tanaka
during lunch in Tokyo 1991"
One of the students stands and screams angrily: "Blow me one"
The teacher upset: "Now stop. Who was that now?"
Suzuki without blinking the eye: "Bill Clinton to Monica Levinsky 1997
in Washington in oval room of White House"
Another students stands and screams: "Suzuki damned you"
Suzuki says: "Valentino Rossi in Ryo at Grand Prix Motorcycle racing in
South Africa 2002"
The class falls in hysteria, the teacher becomes unconscious. The door
opens and the principal comes in: "**ck, I have never seen such a mess"
Suzuki: German Chancellor Schroeder after he was betrayed in the budget
by Finance Minister Eichel.
-
anfieldadorer - >> LFC Elite Member <<
- Posts: 4847
- Joined: Mon Jan 26, 2004 10:40 am
24 posts
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