Just a lil tip Jay Jay, Save a fortune on laundry bills. Give your dirty shirts to Oxfam. They will wash and iron them and you can buy them back for fifty pence.
Save on booze by drinking cold tea instead of whisky. The following morning you can create the effects of a hangover by drinking a thimble full of washing up liquid and banging your head repeatedly on the wall.
Just a lil tip Jay Jay, Record the sound of your wife having an orgasm, and then listen to the tape through headphones next time you make love. That way you can have sex without waking her up.
Just a lil top Jay Jay, Putting just the right amount of gin in your goldfish bowl makes the fishes' eyes bulge and causes them to swim in an amusing manner.
Just a lil tip Jay Jay, As adverts on the television tell us not to use light switches if we smell gas, I find it useful to always have a candle ready for use in such emergencies.