Liverpool FC Forum

[right side man]

How many men does it take to open a beer?
None. It should be opened when she brings it.
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Why is a Laundromat a really bad place to pick up a woman?
Because a woman who can't even afford a washing machine will probably never be able to support you.
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Why do women have smaller feet than men?
It's one of those "evolutionary things" that allows them to stand closer to the kitchen sink.
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How do you know when a woman is about to say something smart?
When she starts a sentence with "A man once told me..."
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How do you fix a woman's watch?
You don't. There is a clock on the oven.
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Why do men fart more than women?
Because women can't shut up long enough to build up the required pressure.
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If your dog is barking at the back door and your wife is yelling at the front door, who do you let in first?
The dog, of course - He'll shut up once you let him in.
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What's worse than a Male Chauvinist Pig?
A woman who won't do what she's told.
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I married a Miss Right.
I just didn't know her first name was Always.
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Scientists have discovered a food that diminishes a woman's sex drive by 90%.
It's called a Wedding Cake.
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Why do men die before their wives?
They want to.
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Women will never be equal to men until they can walk down the street with a baldhead and a beer gut and still think they are sexy.
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In the beginning, God created the earth and rested.
Then God created Man and rested.
Then God created Woman.
Since then, neither God nor Man has rested.

[dawson99]

and my personal fave:

Why do women wear make up and perfume?

because they're ugly and they smell

(was alot funnier when i was 12, now i think they are all great )

[JBG]

How many men does it take to open a beer?
None. It should be opened when she brings it.
-------------------------------------------------------------------
Why is a Laundromat a really bad place to pick up a woman?
Because a woman who can't even afford a washing machine will probably never be able to support you.
--------------------------------------------------------------------
Why do women have smaller feet than men?
It's one of those "evolutionary things" that allows them to stand closer to the kitchen sink.
-------------------------------------------------------------------
How do you know when a woman is about to say something smart?
When she starts a sentence with "A man once told me..."
-------------------------------------------------------------------
How do you fix a woman's watch?
You don't. There is a clock on the oven.
-------------------------------------------------------------------
Why do men fart more than women?
Because women can't shut up long enough to build up the required pressure.
-------------------------------------------------------------------
If your dog is barking at the back door and your wife is yelling at the front door, who do you let in first?
The dog, of course - He'll shut up once you let him in.
-------------------------------------------------------------------
What's worse than a Male Chauvinist Pig?
A woman who won't do what she's told.
-------------------------------------------------------------------
I married a Miss Right.
I just didn't know her first name was Always.
-------------------------------------------------------------------
Scientists have discovered a food that diminishes a woman's sex drive by 90%.
It's called a Wedding Cake.
-------------------------------------------------------------------
Why do men die before their wives?
They want to.
-------------------------------------------------------------------
Women will never be equal to men until they can walk down the street with a baldhead and a beer gut and still think they are sexy.
-------------------------------------------------------------------
In the beginning, God created the earth and rested.
Then God created Man and rested.
Then God created Woman.
Since then, neither God nor Man has rested.

Hi Dom. 

[Dom1]

hey john

[stmichael]

hi dom

you know, you might be quite convincing if it wasn't for the fact that all you multiple ID's have exactly the same IP address.

[116-1104673748]

And I expect that our female members would either post a thread to strike back.Of course,most of the jokes ARE true.
Word of Warning
If you see a group of women and teenage girls wearing Liverpool shirts walking towards you carrying ladles,pans,brooms and violin cases and kitchen knives.
RUN!

[andy_g]

right! because a woman with 5 hands is a truly scary thing

[116-1104673748]

Anything with 1,3,4,5 etc. hands(as long as not 2) is scary.Animals are not included because they don't have hands.They have paws,hoofs,tentacles.

[Woollyback]

he just gets better and better      

[JBG]

The maestro. 

[Ciggy]

Anything with 1,3,4,5 etc. hands(as long as not 2) is scary.Animals are not included because they don't have hands.They have paws,hoofs,tentacles.

   

[andy_g]

Anything with 1,3,4,5 etc. hands(as long as not 2) is scary.Animals are not included because they don't have hands.They have paws,hoofs,tentacles.

nothing... but nothing gets past our thomas.

[Woollyback]

2 blokes chatting in the pub, one says "y'know, my wife's an angel"

"You're lucky" says the other, "mine's still alive"   

[Dom1]

hi dom

you know, you might be quite convincing if it wasn't for the fact that all you multiple ID's have exactly the same IP address.

oh wudnt ya know it, im not dumb mick! 

just a sh*thouse 

[Dom1]

what have kfc and woman got in common?







once your past the tender breast and juicy things all you have left is a greasy box