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by **Rafa D** » Tue Jan 09, 2007 2:34 pm

The Ashes this year started under a wave of excitement after England had won it in 2005 in England. The Aussies were humilated after that and revenge was on their mind during the 18 month gap before the opening test of this Ashes. England fans - with renewed optimism after English Cricket was declared "dead" in 2003 - were travelling in their thousands "Down Under" to see if the boys could bring them back home and keep the Ashes away from them Foster drinking, bbq shrimping, Neighbours loving criminals.

The weeks before the Ashes were not ideal for England, the captain Vaughan was injured and had no chance of being fit, Trescothick went home when he found out his wife was getting 6 inches of pandemonium while he was busting a gut half way round the world - if I was Marcus I would of gone out to Bondi Beach in all my cricket gear with KP (as he is quite good at pulling the birds), pulled a couple of c0ck hungry Kylie lookalikes and took them back the team hotel and video a pounding session with all the lads - I'd even let the "Sherminator" Ian Bell have a go after all he is ginger and it must be hard for the lad. I'd make the bird wear my cricket gear and get her to call out random things the Skysports mics picked up by the wickets like - "Oooo warney" - "nice one shaney" after all it was obvious Warney was going to shaft us all throughout the test matches. He should then off put it on the net for the world to see. Seeing as I am quite a grudgy bastard I would off said things like " My wife's lack a sack of spuds in bed", "She's a weirdo, she's into gimp masks" "she's hanging downstairs, it swings when she walks" etc.

I bet all the England team would happliy bend over for Shane, I can see it now, after the last test match which made it 5 - 0, Freddy got all the lads lined up in the dressing room with there bills hanging round their ankles, KP was first as he loves the Warnster, standing there touching his toes with his Superman boxies dropped. Warney went in, flops his entertainment onto the front of his undies and done to England what he done all throughout the tour.

Our only player who played anything that can be described as well was Monty and what the hell Freddy and Duncan were thinking put Giles in when we had Monty there only they can tell you, Monty came in and stole the show, he is a class act but I just wish he would stop the mongy high fives he tries and misses all the time, he looks like a big kid in the play ground - if it excites you that much Monty do a little sex wee or something stop the missed high five - you look like Borat!

I never really hated the Aussies, you have to admire them, Warney can't keep it in his kecks but is a hell of a bowler, Gilchrist looks like he ate about 50 tablets when he was younger as his face looks like he is pernamently gurning but he took the pi$$ out of our bowlers many a time. They are a class bunch of players but to be honest England didn't turn up.

There is one player in the Aussies team I really do hate with a passion and that is Brett Lee. Firstly who calls your kid Brett? Brett FFS? Either his parents lost a bet, are absolute morons or were a big fan of that tool who used to wrestle in Pink Spandex. I bet they even made his middle name "The Hitman". Brett "the Hitman" Lee no wonder he thinks he's gods gift. He mimicked the umpire in teh 3rd test when he was giving a wicket and I really did want to get a flight over and cave his head in with a stump. Also in the last test he took Freddies wicket and do a gay little clap of the heels, who the :censored:

does he think he is?!? Oi mate, I know your all a bit funny down there but stop acting like dorothy in the wizard of oz, you are offically on my "tw@twatch" list you utter bender.

All in all, we were utter shit.

Rafa Dodd ©

by **babu** » Tue Jan 09, 2007 3:16 pm

hehe, the aussies weren't humiliated in 2005, they lost the series. It was close, without the rain.. who knows.

And there are lots of kids around in oz called brett.

As for warney i have a excerpt from his diary (written in crayon), from the day he destroyed the england batting line-up.

[b]
IF IT WASN'T FOR THE GOOD SPELLING I RECKON WARNEY MAY ACTUALLY HAVE
WRITTEN THIS.

SK Warne Match Report 2nd Ashes Test
Day 5 of the second test. We're 1 nil up and If I was playing for
England today I would be thinking... slow and steady lads,slow and steady.
But I'm not thank god and his son Jesus Christ, I'm Australian, and
I've woken up with a horn that a dog couldn't chew, and I'm not sure if
it's because I can't wait to get that cherry in my hand and get stuck
into the soap dodgers... or if it hasn't gone down since phone sex with
Rianna Ponting last night.
Anyway, no one in my room to stick it in, no time to get on the text
messages, so I best jump in the David Gower and work up a nice lather
and give the cleaner some work to do on the tiles.
Hot breakfast this morning, quite by accident. Put the lit end of the
ciggie into my gob while changing hands to down an Iced Coffee. Pup
Clarke thought it was a hell of a joke until I told him I used his
p00fy white skivvy to mop up after a phone conversation with his sister last night. All the boys are full of beans this morning though at breaky. Pigeon was telling everyone the odds he'd got for us to win this
morning, and how he's whacked all the money he won on McGilla not being
selected, straight on us. :censored:

could have shared his bookie with me, I
happen to think we'll get up today too. Particularly with the team
they've got on the park. Giles couldn't turn a steak into $hit. Jones
couldn't keep a farking secret, or buy a run. "Bell end" wouldn't know
what I was chucking at him, in fact Kay Pee and that bloke with the stupid name that doesn't usually get a game are there only hope.
>Arrive at the ground and while the rest of them are keen to get into
the nets for a warm up, I've got plans to test out the Adelaide sewage
system by sending one of the biggest turds Adelaide has ever seen into it.
I'm only 15 minutes into this fine little session, not even up the
centrefold spread yet, when I hear a muffled voice talking about the
history of test cricket and how if you look back, the chances of
Australia getting a win are so remote it's not worth considering, and
how England just need to go steady, nothing silly needs to be done, a
draw here will do just fine with 3 tests still to go, maybe we can
wear down an ageing aussie side...
then, along with that monster turd I was talking about, the penny has
dropped... I'm in the wrong farking change room, and I'm listening to
Freddy Flinstone give his pre match "inspiring" speech.... note to
self, NEVER complain about punters speeches again.
So with the knowledge that we now had the game in the bag, out we trot
to the centre. I've grabbed the new ball and told punter I'll sort
this lot out.. punters told me to pull my stupid head in and wait till
I'm told.... this is what happens when you give a short man from
Tasmania a bit of authority, he tries to make you pay for all the
inbreeding jokes ever created. Still, I'll bide my time, we've got all
day. 10 minutes into session 1 and punter can't even look at me when
he throws me the rock... of course I let him know he's made the first
good call for the game, and I've asked him to trot down to fine leg
please.. even he laughed at that one while jogging to first slip.
An hour or so later and I'm well on the way to completely stripping
any sense of pride the unwashed have built in the past 4 days.
Strauss was easy, nice catch by Mr. Cricket by the way, this bloke is
so good to me, and the team for that matter, I almost feel guilty
about pegging his new girlfriend. Bell "end" run out by me, even when
getting run out this poor ba$tard has my name next to his in the
wicket column.... Kay Pee, I enjoyed this one, certainly wiped the
stupid smile from his south african dial.....Giles, from one spinner
to one that isn't, this was a forgettable one.....
and then Hoggard, felt sorry for this poor :censored:

, I've never seen
anyone this ugly before, I can see why he grows that hair. So that's
that... we had 168 to knock off in the final session, which was always
going to happen. 2-0 to us, punter named man of the match, but we all
know I deserved it.
Beers will flow in our rooms, tears will flow in theirs. The Ashes are
back, and thank god they didn't have them for long enough for anyone to
realise!

Love to your missus

SK Warne.

by **Rafa D** » Tue Jan 09, 2007 4:21 pm

babu PMSL at Warney diary.

From what the media have said over here mate, the Aussies were slated and humilated by losing the Ashes in Aussieland

by **Big Niall** » Wed Jan 10, 2007 11:22 am

I have no interest in cricket but would want England to beat Australia in any sport. Being Irish I was generally brought up to cheer AGAINST England but aussie sportsmen are a disgrace. I remember the Lions down there and Ronan O'Gara was punched while defenceless on the ground several times and then the Aussies were a disgrace in the Internation rules ( a mixture of Aussie rules and Gaelic games) and acted like a bunch of cowards and thugs.

The aussie people I have met are sound but put a sport jersey on an aussie and they become scumbags.

So next Ashes tour I will cheer for England no matter how rubbish the team is.

Anyway England won the one that really counts - Rugby Union world cup final.

by **babu** » Wed Jan 10, 2007 1:02 pm

Big Niall wrote:I have no interest in cricket but would want England to beat Australia in any sport. Being Irish I was generally brought up to cheer AGAINST England but aussie sportsmen are a disgrace. I remember the Lions down there and Ronan O'Gara was punched while defenceless on the ground several times and then the Aussies were a disgrace in the Internation rules ( a mixture of Aussie rules and Gaelic games) and acted like a bunch of cowards and thugs.

The aussie people I have met are sound but put a sport jersey on an aussie and they become scumbags.

So next Ashes tour I will cheer for England no matter how rubbish the team is.

Anyway England won the one that really counts - Rugby Union world cup final.

aye that's your opinion. I love union, but there is an element of thuggery in it, and Australia are not excempt(sp). But England's record in that area is worse, IMO. I have always liked the way the Irish play, very little dirty tactics, IMO.

But if you are talking about Cricket, i would have to disagree. One of the australians main objectives is to headfuck the opponent, and it works.

As for the fans of cricket in Oz, i believe they want to see a contest. I remeber fondly watching the West Windies team, esp the bowlers, recieveing a standing ovation from the Gabba crowd when they bowled out Aus (captained by Border) 13 runs short of the target.

When you say 'put a jersey on an aussie they become scumbags' I would have to agree, but only to the opposition (& hopefully only while the game is being played). This is a good thing, not a bad thing, IMO.

by **CardinalRed** » Thu Jan 11, 2007 1:33 pm

Big Niall wrote:The aussie people I have met are sound but put a sport jersey on an aussie and they become scumbags.

I think Scumbags is overdoing it, what they do become is ruthless professionals, I wish one or two more of our sportsmen had the same gene in them.
I think back to people like Ian Botham, Daley Thompson, Seb Coe & Steve Ovett..... These guys would stop at nothing to win but the modern pampered sportsman seems happy to have just got to that level and not interested in pushing the bar up......?

:cool:

by **babu** » Thu Jan 11, 2007 2:08 pm

CardinalRed wrote:
Big Niall wrote:The aussie people I have met are sound but put a sport jersey on an aussie and they become scumbags.

I think Scumbags is overdoing it, what they do become is ruthless professionals, I wish one or two more of our sportsmen had the same gene in them.
I think back to people like Ian Botham, Daley Thompson, Seb Coe & Steve Ovett..... These guys would stop at nothing to win but the modern pampered sportsman seems happy to have just got to that level and not interested in pushing the bar up......?

wholly agree. Read Mike Atherton's autobiography if you want on lesson of defeatism. That has to change.

by **Rafa D** » Tue Jan 16, 2007 7:05 am

We're not getting our bums handed to us by New Zealand

How did we ever win the Ashes in 2005?!? I reckon the Aussies lost it on purpose to raise interest and sell out their stadiums.

by **Big Niall** » Tue Jan 16, 2007 11:29 am

CardinalRed wrote:
Big Niall wrote:The aussie people I have met are sound but put a sport jersey on an aussie and they become scumbags.

I think Scumbags is overdoing it, what they do become is ruthless professionals, I wish one or two more of our sportsmen had the same gene in them.
I think back to people like Ian Botham, Daley Thompson, Seb Coe & Steve Ovett..... These guys would stop at nothing to win but the modern pampered sportsman seems happy to have just got to that level and not interested in pushing the bar up......?

So punching a player when he is on the ground is "a winning mentality"?

The Aussie behaviour when their professionals who are all big guys (as Aussie rules guys are big) refusing to play international rules football against the irish amateurs (average size men) and instead punching everything in sight is a winning mentality - bunch of cowards.

Apologies to my ancesters

but I hope England trounce Australia at cricket/rugby /football etc.

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