Liverpool FC Forum

by **dawson99** » Thu Nov 09, 2006 4:49 pm

when u r on here we always suffer dude

by **taff** » Thu Nov 09, 2006 4:50 pm

I know

Now suffer some more cockney :buttrock

by **dawson99** » Thu Nov 09, 2006 4:51 pm

innit!
is cockney racist? nah.

its like if we say that you welsh folk do the inbreeding thing (saying sheep is too darned easy), its not racist if its true :cool:

by **taff** » Thu Nov 09, 2006 4:54 pm

My missus/sister would not be happy with that comment :love:

by **dawson99** » Thu Nov 09, 2006 5:00 pm

his sister is his mother, his father is his brother, they all love one another, the neville family

by **woof woof !** » Fri Nov 10, 2006 7:42 am

Anyone remember this from a tv quiz show

Presenter... "OK Dave the category is sports, name a dangerous race "

Dave,,, "The Arabs"

:laugh:

by **account deleted by request** » Fri Nov 10, 2006 7:48 am

woof woof ! wrote:Anyone remember this from a tv quiz show

Presenter... "OK Dave the category is sports, name a dangerous race "

Dave,,, "The Arabs"

by **112-1077774096** » Fri Nov 10, 2006 8:04 am

it was actually on family fortunes,

anway here are some gems from everyones favourite royal prince phillip.

(1967 When asked if he would like to visit the Soviet Union) "The :censored:

murdered half my family.."

(1981 A comment during the UK's recession) "Everybody was saying we must have more leisure. Now they are complaining they are unemployed.."

(1982 To Solomon Islanders, on being told that their population growth was 5% a year) "You must be out of your minds.."

(1984 On receiving a gift from a Kenyan native woman) "You are a woman aren't you?.."

(1986 To a group of British students in China) "If you stay here much longer you'll all be slitty-eyed.."

(To a Cayman Islander) "Aren't most of you descended from pirates?.."

(c. 1990 To a British expat in Hungary) "You can't have been here that long, you haven't got a potbelly yet.."

(c. 1990, attributed, allegedly when replying to a question as to what type of work he did) "I am self-employed.."

(1995 To a Scottish driving instructor in Oban) "How do you keep the natives off the booze for long enough to pass their test?.."

(1998 To a student who'd trekked in Papua New Guinea) "You managed not to get eaten then?.."

(1988, in The Observer) "I don't think a prostitute is more moral than wife, but they are doing the same thing.."

(1999 On seeing a fuse box while being shown around an Edinburgh factory) "It looks as though it was put in by an Indian.."

(2002 To a school band in Cairns, Australia) "You were playing your instruments weren't you?, or do you have tape recorders under your seats?.."

(2002 To an Aboriginal man on Australia's Tjapukai Aboriginal Cultural Park) "Do you still throw spears at each other..?

(2002 Commenting during the Jubilee tour) "If you travel as much as we do you appreciate how much more comfortable aircraft have become. Unless you travel in something called economy class, which sounds ghastly.."

(2002 Commenting on the London traffic debate, after mayor Ken Livingstone forced through his plan to charge motorists £5 to enter the city) "The problem with London is the tourists. They cause the congestion. If we could just stop tourism we could stop the congestion.."

(Summer 2002 Aboard the floating restaurant 'Il Punto' on the river Orwell in Ipswich, after thoroughly enjoying an excellent full English breakfast) "French cooking's all very well, but they can't do a decent English breakfast.." (Il Punto is owned by Frenchman Regis Crepy..)

(2003 visiting a school, asking a tubby little boy what he wanted to be when he grows up, and being told, 'an astronaut') "You'll have to lose a bit of weight first.."

by **112-1077774096** » Fri Nov 10, 2006 8:05 am

and here are all the gems from family fortunes

family fortunes answers

A way of toasting someone: "Over a fire.."

A Boy's name beginning with the letter J: "Gerald.."

An instrument you can play while walking in the street: "A cello.."

A type of oil: "Sewing-machine oil.."

A word beginning with Z: "Xylophone.."

A slang word for a girl: "Slag.."

An animal with horns: "A bee..."

A medieval weapon: "Hand-grenade.."

Something made of wool: "A sheep.."

Something a bridegroom might wear: "A dress.."

Someone you wouldn't expect to see in a strip club: "Animals.."

An animal with a long tail: "A rabbit.."

Something a train-spotter would have in his pocket: "A magnifying glass.."

Something you put out for the birds: "Worms.."

A way to prevent snoring: "Put a pillow over his face.."

A word used to describe a very hot day: "A very hot day.."

A song from 'The Sound Of Music': "Dancing Queen.."
(Also from the same family: "I wake up each morning..", "The skies are blue..", and "Over the hills and far away..")

Someone who works early hours: "A burglar.."

Something made to be wheeled around: "A hammer.."

A reason for kneeling: "To be beheaded.."

A nickname for a slim person: "Slimmy.."

A measurement of liquid: "Paint.."

Something that's nice to wear next to your skin: "Pants.."

A famous Dick: "Carrot.."

A wild animal that's native to Britain: "A bear.."

Something that Father Christmas does when he comes to your house: "Feeds your pets.."

Something that comes in 7's: "Fingers.."

A vocalist known by only one name: "Michael Jackson.."

A yellow fruit: "Orange.."

An animal beginning with B: "Bullfrog.."

Something associated with Liverpool: "The Yellow Brick Road.."

A boy mentioned in a nursery rhyme: "Little Red Riding Hood.."

Something associated with Queen Victoria: "Her husbands.."

Something you hide in your socks when you go swimming: "Your legs.."

A place you would keep a pen: "A zoo.."

Something you beat: "An apple.."

Something associated with rain: "Water.."

An animal that lives in the English countryside: "A lion.."

Something you make into a ball: "Eggs.."

A game that uses a black ball: "Darts.."

A popular TV soap: "Dove.."

Other than 'carrier', a type of bag: "Horse.."

Something you might find in a garage: "a grand piano.."

Something a Frenchman would say Answer: "On Garde.."

A fast animal: "A hippo.."

Something you keep in the garden: "A cat.."

Something that gives you goosebumps: "Mumps.."

A character from Little Red Riding Hood: "Hansel and Gretel.."

Something that has a shell: "Batman.."

Any dance apart from the waltz: "The ball dance.."

Something a policeman might say: "Spread 'em.."

Something that frightens Dracula: "The King of the Vampires.."

A non-living object with legs: "A plant.."

A sign of the Zodiac: "April.."

An animal associated with a nursery rhyme: "Andy Pandy.."

A mode of transport that you can walk in: "Your shoes.."

An animal with big ears: "A bear.."

Something you do on water: "Wallpaper.."

A musical instrument you can play in the bath: "A drum kit.."

Something associated with Egypt: "Cigars.."

A part of your body you only have one of: "Your big toe.."

Something you pull: "A potato.."

An animal used as a form of transport: "A turtle.."

A famous Phil or Philip: "Phil Johnson.."

A habit people try to give up: "Spitting.."

A Thunderbirds character: "Doctor Spock.."

Another TV gameshow with the word 'family' in the title: "The Generation Game.."

A seaside resort on the south coast: " Rio de Janeiro.."

Something you open other than a door: "Your bowels.."

Something with a red light on it: "a Dalek.."

Something that makes you scream: "A squirrel.."

A food than can easily be eaten without chewing: "Chips.."

A type of record: "A floppy disk.."

A type of large cat: "Persian.."

A job that a working dog does: "A slave.."

Something people might be allergic to: "Skiing.."

An occupation where you need a torch: "A burglar.."

A well known superstition: "Running in front of a car.."

Something you use a microchip in: "A fish-fryer.."

A dangerous race: "The Arabs.."

A game played in the dark: "Charades.."

Some famous brothers: "Bonnie and Clyde.."

A jacket potato topping: "Jam.."

A part of the body you have more than two of: "Arms.."

Something you find on a fire engine: "Coal.."

A famous royal: "Mail.."

Something you do before going to bed: "Sleep.."

An item of clothing worn by the Three Muskateers: "A horse.."

An animal you see at the zoo: "Dog.."

Something you might do in a power cut: "Read a book.."

A famous Parisian landmark: "Hawaii.."

One of Harry Enfield's characters: "Sooty.."

A famous Irishman: "Disraeli.."

The first place detectives look for fingerprints: "The floor.."

Something you associate with the sea: "A coffin.."

A famous Arthur: "Shakespeare.."

A type of cut: "Skull.."

A weapon in the game of Cluedo: "Dice.."

Something people take to the beach: "Turkey.."

A reason someone digs a hole in the road: "Grave digger.."

An ingredient in chicken stuffing: "Chicken.."

Something a girl should know about a man before marrying him: "His name.."

A bird with a long neck: "A blackbird.."

A bird with a long neck (2): "Naomi Campbell.."

An item of clothing a woman might borrow from a man: "Underpants.."

Something taken from a hotel as a souvenir: "The lamps.."

Something you keep in a garden shed: "A gardener.."

A song with moon in the title: "Blue Suede Moon.."

A famous cowboy: "Buck Rogers.."

A famous Wild-West character: "Wild Bill Eacock.."

Something you'd associate with the three bears: "Red Riding Hood.."

Fruit used in fruit salad: "Cucumber.."

Something you wear on the beach: "A deckchair.."

A method of cooking fish: "Cod.."

Something you borrow from your partner: "Shoes.."

A part of the body beginning with N: "Knee.."

A famous Scotsman: "Vinnie Jones.."

A famous Scotsman (2): "Jock.."

Something red: "My cardigan.."

A kind of ache: "Fillet-o-fish.."

Something you open other than a door: "Your bowels.."

Something with a hole in it: "A window.."

Something you do in the bathroom: "Decorate.."

Something you put on walls: "Roofs.."

A domestic animal: "A leopard.."

Something that floats in the bath: "Water.."

Something in the garden that's green: "The shed.."

Something a blind man might use: "A sword.."

The last thing you take off before going to bed: "Your feet.."

Something that flies without an engine: "A bicycle with wings.."

:laugh:

by **taff** » Fri Nov 10, 2006 10:18 am

Prince Philip is like an old neighbour you'd have if you lived in Chipping Sodbury or somewhere like that

by **JBG** » Fri Nov 10, 2006 12:48 pm

woof woof ! wrote:Anyone remember this from a tv quiz show

Presenter... "OK Dave the category is sports, name a dangerous race "

Dave,,, "The Arabs"

Absolutely priceless! :bowdown

Incidentally, there is a show next week on Channel 4 about how the British are a mixture of different races dating back to Roman times.

by **taff** » Fri Nov 10, 2006 1:35 pm

Maybe that explains my fascianation with chariot racing

by **Big Niall** » Fri Nov 10, 2006 1:56 pm

I saw an excellent programme about Britain before too about how it is such a mixture, both in biology and culture."British" things like the potatoes, pygamas, washing daily, sterling, royal family etc are all imports.

Britain learned a lot from the both immigration and british observations in countries it colonised.

While immigration levels must be controlled, I believe it is generally a good thing.

by **account deleted by request** » Fri Nov 10, 2006 4:00 pm

There was a windup on Radio City this morning to an asian butchers, when he asked the butcher for a "bit of pork" he was called a fkn white :censored:

repeatedly and threatened with what he would do with and to his mother. Anybody hear it ?

by **67-1161385641** » Fri Nov 10, 2006 11:14 pm

s@int wrote:There was a windup on Radio City this morning to an asian butchers, when he asked the butcher for a "bit of pork" he was called a fkn white repeatedly and threatened with what he would do with and to his mother. Anybody hear it ?

I heard about it from a guy from work, a butcher should sell all meats. A total overreaction from a tool. He's the type of moron who will sit in front of TV at 10pm and scratch his head wondering why that bastid Griffin is gaining fascist support.

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