Liverpool FC Forum

Judge wrote:

Lee J wrote:lol this thread has cheered me up soooo many times

here goes lee, the man with fat lass carpet burns on his nob 

, that still reminds me of my mate who after a drunken knee trembler up against a back alley wall ended up with a knob 2 inches long and 4 inches wide , he'd spent half the time missin' the target and was bangin' the brick wall .   

woof woof ! wrote:This threads proving to be quite cathartic .

Rhodesia (Zimbabwe) 1971 , some old dear gives me a lift as I was hitchiking through Bulawayo . As night was falling she very kindly offers to put me up at her place for the night .

She had a face like a sixty year old ball bag (I'm now able to use my own as reference) , but she could suck the chrome off a gear stick.

was her eye socket ok 

woof woof ! wrote:       EYE'd almost forgotten that one .

better written like that woof

Lee J wrote:My first experience of a fattie was when I was 19. She worked in a local working mens club and i had known her since school. Anyway she lived in a flat above an off license and asked me to walk her home. We went inside and I had already weighed up my exit route out of her bathroom window , onto next doors garage and off down the frog 'n toad. I will just make you all aware that I did NOT want to go through with this but she locked the door and I couldn't see where she had hid the key.

anyhow, we had a coffee and she disappears for 10 minutes and comes back dressed in absolutley nothing. Stark bollok naked. Now, I was only 19 and things started to twitch a bit. Next thing i know my pants are around my ankles and she's sucking like a Dyson. I blew my stones all over her mush and thought - phew, I can live with that. But no. the monster had other ideas. I stalled her for about half an hour using her dildo on her, then she dragged me on top and yell for me to bang her proper. I was struggling to find her cavern through the layers of flab. Finally i reckoned I was in so I started banging like a sh!t house door in a gale.

bang - bang - bang - bang - bang. Then my worst experience ever happened. My '3-for-a-bob' had slipped out and with the full force of my thrust...

...my bell end scraped along the carpet.

It felt like someone had hit it with a hammer. I lept up screaming and holding my todger. I daren't look incase i was bleeding and you know what, the heartless bitch had her dildo back up her and was carrying on. 

I called her a fat heartless cnt and she let me go home. I had a carpet burn on my bell end for a week. 

Sabre wrote:I'm currently happy with my girl and she's fit, but something tells me I'm not finnished with fatties. I like them as jonnymac .

It's good that way, because even the day my girl doesn't care any more about the extra Kg, I'll be equally satisfied. A happy clappy is always a happy clappy

Sabre wrote:I'm not finnished with fatties. I like them as jonnymac .

didnt think jon was fat, nor a bird

but heyho, each to their own 

Lee J wrote:this story haunts me, it was sooooo painful

you loved it