Liverpool FC Forum

by **Judge** » Mon Mar 17, 2008 10:44 am

THE MAN RULES

At last a guy has taken the time to write this all down:

Finally , the guys side of the story.
(i must admit its pretty good)

We hear ''THE RULES'' from the female side.

Now here are the rules from the male side.

These are our rules! - please note....these are all numbered ''1'' ON PURPOSE!

1. If we ask what is wrong and you say ''nothing'', we will act like nothings wrong.
We know youre lying, but it is just not worth the hassle.

1. If you ask a question you dont want an answer to, expect an answer you dont want to hear.

1. When we have to go somewhere, absolutely anything you wear is fine...REALLY.

1 Dont ask us what we're thinking about unless you are prepared to discuss such topics as football and alike.

1. You have enough clothes

1. You have too many shoes

1. I am in shape. ROUND is a shape!

1. Thankyou for reading this. Yes, I know, i have to sleep on the couch tonight; But did you know, men really dont mind that! Its like camping.

1. men are not mind readers

1. Learn to work the toilet seat. Your a big girl. If its up, put it down...We need it up, you need it down. You dont hear us complaining about you leaving it down.

1. Sunday sports. Its like the full moon or the changing of the tides. Let it be.

1. Crying is blackmail.

1. Ask for what you want.
let us be clear on this one:
subtle hints do not work!
strong hints do not work!
obvious hints do not work
JUST SAY IT!

1. yes or no are perfectly acceptable answers to almost every question.

1. come to us with a problem ONLY if you want help solving it. Thats what we do.
SYMPATHY IS WHAT YOUR FEMALE FRIENDS ARE FOR

1. Anything we said 6 months ago is inadmissible in an argument.
In fact, all comments become null and void after 7 days.

1. if you think your fat, you probably are. Dont ask us!

1. If something we said can be interpreted two ways and one of the ways makes you sad or angry....we meant the other one

1. You can either ask us to do something or tell us how you want it done.
NOT BOTH......
If you already know best how to do it, just do it yourself

1. Whenever possible, please say whatever you have to say during commercials.

1. Christopher Columbus did not need directions and neither do we

1. All men see in only 16 colours, like windows default setting.
Peach, for example, is a fruit, not a colour. Pumpkin, is also a fruit. We have NO idea what mauve is.

1. if it itches, it will be scratched. We do that.

PASS THIS TO AS MANY MEN AS YOU CAN - TO GIVE THEM A LAUGH
PASS THIS TO AS MANY WOMEN AS YOU CAN - TO EDUCATE THEM

by **Judge** » Mon Mar 17, 2008 3:15 pm

the above may appeal to woollyback, woof and peewee

and dawson

by **Woollyback** » Mon Mar 17, 2008 3:49 pm

yep me dawson, & woof are the only real men on the forum (presuming you put peewee's name down as a decoy...) the rest of you are all big pink skipping ropes

got this off a girl i know this morning (could think of other things i'd like off her but that's another story :wwww

)

WHY MEN ARE NEVER DEPRESSED:

Men Are Just Happier People--

Your last name stays put.
The garage is all yours.
Wedding plans take care of themselves. Chocolate is just another snack.
You can never be pregnant.
Car mechanics tell you the truth.
The world is your urinal.
You never have to drive to another petrol station restroom because this one is just too icky.
You don't have to stop and think of which way to turn a nut on a bolt.
Same work, more pay.
Wrinkles add character.
People never stare at your chest when you're talking to them.
New shoes don't cut, blister, or mangle your feet.
One mood all the time.

Phone conversations are over in 30 seconds flat.
You know stuff about tanks and engines. A five-day vacation requires only one suitcase.
You can open all your own jars.
You get extra credit for the slightest act of thoughtfulness.

Your underwear is £8.95 for a three-pack. Three pairs of shoes are more than enough. You never have strap problems in public.
You are unable to see wrinkles in your clothes.
Everything on your face stays its original colour.
The same hairstyle lasts for years, maybe decades.
You only have to shave your face and neck.

You can play with toys all your life.
One wallet and one pair of shoes -- one colour for all seasons.
You can wear shorts no matter how your legs look.
You can "do" your nails with a pocket knife.
You have freedom of choice concerning growing a mustache.

You can do Christmas shopping for 25 relatives on December 24 in 25 minutes.

No wonder men are happier.

by **stmichael** » Mon Mar 17, 2008 3:50 pm

Woollyback wrote:yep me dawson, & woof are the only loreal men on the forum

because you're worth it?

by **dawson99** » Mon Mar 17, 2008 4:02 pm

these are the rules i show all potential partners:

Rules For Women

This is a list of rules that guys wished women knew…

1. Learn to work the toilet seat: if it’s up put it down.

2. Don’t cut your hair. Ever.

3. Don’t make us guess.

4. If you ask a question you don’t want an answer to, expect an answer you don’t want to hear.

5. Sometimes, he’s not thinking about you. Live with it.

6. He’s never thinking about “The Relationship.”

7. Get rid of your cat. And no, it’s not different, it’s just like every other cat.

8. Dogs are better than cats.

9. Sunday = Sports. It’s like the full moon or the changing of the tides. Let it be.

10. Shopping is not everybody’s idea of a good time.

11. Anything you wear is fine. Really.

12. You have enough clothes.

13. You have too many shoes.

14. Crying is blackmail. Use it if you must, but don’t expect us to like it.

15. Your brother is an idiot.

16. Ask for what you want. Subtle hints don’t work.

17. No, he doesn’t know what day it is. He never will. Mark anniversaries on a calendar.

18. Share the bathroom

19. Share the closet.

20. Yes and No are perfectly acceptable answers.

21. A headache that lasts for 17 months is a problem. See a doctor.

22. Nothing says ‘I love you’ like sex in the morning.

23. Foreign films are best left to foreigners.

24. Check your oil.

25. Anything we said 6 or 8 months ago is inadmissible in an argument.

26. Christopher Columbus didn’t need directions, and neither do we.
27. If you think you’re getting on the heavy side, you probably are. Don’t ask us.

28. Yes, peeing standing up is more difficult than peeing from point blank range. We’re bound to miss sometimes.

29. Don’t fake it. We’d rather be ineffective than deceived.

30. If you don’t dress like the Victoria’s Secret girls, don’t expect us to act like soap opera guys.
31. Let us ogle. If we don’t look at other women, how can we know how pretty you are?

32. Don’t rub the lamp if you don’t want the genie to come out.

33. You can either ask us to do something OR tell us how you want it done-not both.

34. Women wearing Wonder bras and low-cut blouses lose their right to complain about having their boobs stared at.

by **Judge** » Mon Mar 17, 2008 4:39 pm

dawson, half of those are in my original post :pirate

by **dawson99** » Mon Mar 17, 2008 4:41 pm

yeah, but mine are articulated better :;):

by **Judge** » Mon Mar 17, 2008 4:42 pm

well you must have copied and pasted it, theres no spelling mistakes

by **dawson99** » Mon Mar 17, 2008 4:43 pm

fkcu oyu

by **Judge** » Mon Mar 17, 2008 4:45 pm

dawson99 wrote:fkcu oyu

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