Liverpool FC Forum

by **Woollyback** » Tue Oct 24, 2006 11:23 am

A man walks into a bar and orders a triple scotch. The barman gives it to him and he gulps in down in one swoop.

"Hey buddy, you must be having it rough. Whats up with you?" says the bartender.

"Well, I got home early from work last night and found my wife and my best friend in bed with each other!"

"Thats terrible pal, the next drink is on the house." So the bartender gives him another triple scotch and again he gulps it down. "If you don't mind me asking, what did you say to your wife?"

"I told her I've had enough and I want a divorce!"

"Good for you! You said the right thing. So what did you say to your best friend?"

"Well, I walked up to him, looked him straight in the eyes and said... ...BAD DOG!"

by **adamnbarrett** » Tue Oct 24, 2006 11:24 am

by **dawson99** » Tue Oct 24, 2006 11:52 am

Barry Belfast walks into a pub when at uni and asks the barman for 6 shots of whiskey
barman" six shots? whats the occasion?"
Barry "my first ever blow job"
barman "nice one, the 7th is on the house mate"

Barry "well if 6 doesnt get the taste out of my mouth im trying something else!!!"

by **sophe_lfc_4_lyf** » Tue Oct 24, 2006 12:20 pm

Haha well funny jokes

x

by **The Ace1983** » Tue Oct 24, 2006 12:57 pm

This bloke goes into his local boozer looking shocked and bewildered (with under-tones of anger and depression). He walks up to the bar and orders a quadrouple Scotch.
"What's up with you?" asks the Landlord
"My son's just told me that he's gay." says the distressed man.
"Oh, I am sorry." remarks the landlord "This one's on the house." The man drinks up and after a few more and a bit of crying he leaves.

The next day, the same man walks into the bar looking even worse than the day before. He walks up to the landlord and says
"A quadrouple whisky please." As the barman starts getting his drink, he asks
"What's wrong now? It can't be worse than yesterday!"
"That's what you know!" says the man "After my eldest came out yesterday, it inspired my other son to do the same!"
"Wow!" says the Landlord "Two gay sons! That's terrible. This drink's on the house of course" So the man drinks it and a few more and leaves.

The next day he walks in to the bar again looking terrible.
"Give me a quadrouple whisky!" he says to the Landlord.
"Again!?!" exclaims the Landlord "Doesn't anyone in your family like women?"
"Yeah," replies the man "My daughter!"

by **CardinalRed** » Tue Oct 24, 2006 3:15 pm

A guy walks into a pub one night wearing a T Shirt saying "Falklands Veteran", the Landlord says, "don't say a word mate, leave your money where it is, the drinks are on me tonight for one of our brave boys... The Veteran drinks all night and it don't cost him a penny, just as the Landlord is calling time he says to the Veteran "you boys are always welcome in here, you did a brilliant thing all those years ago" the Veteran leans over and whispers in his ear "gracias amigo"

by **jkop** » Tue Oct 24, 2006 3:28 pm

Tom thumb, Cinderella, and Quazimodo were talking one day and Tom said i bet im the smallest person in the world, Cinderella said i bet im the prettiest girl in the world, and Quazi said i bet in the ugliest person in the world. So they looked up the records, i told you i am the smallest person said Tom, Cinderella said i am the prettiest girl in the world, and Quazi said who the f.uck is Lando ?

by **jkop** » Tue Oct 24, 2006 3:33 pm

Did you hear about the magic tractor ?

It drove down a lane and turned into a field. :wwww

by **Mikz** » Tue Oct 24, 2006 9:12 pm

A doctor is talking to one of his patients and says I have good news and bad news for ya.
'The bad news is -we had to amputate both yer legs'...the guy says 'whats the good news?'
The doctor says -'the guy in the next bed wants to buy yer slippers.' :laugh:

Doctor Doctor..I cant stop telling lies

I find that hard to believe

by **mattylfc** » Wed Oct 25, 2006 12:11 pm

Did you hear about the Irish man that tried to blow up a car?...

He burnt his lips on the exhaust pipe.

by **jkop** » Wed Oct 25, 2006 1:39 pm

The police service of Northern Ireland were driving down the road when all of a sudden the police swerved and left the road and hit a tree,.... the IRA said they planted it !

by **82-1162220337** » Mon Oct 30, 2006 4:17 pm

by **metalhead** » Mon Oct 30, 2006 4:26 pm

mattylfc wrote:Did you hear about the Irish man that tried to blow up a car?...

He burnt his lips on the exhaust pipe.

fookin hell! :laugh:

by **jkop** » Mon Oct 30, 2006 5:42 pm

Roberts2 wrote:

by **joko** » Mon Oct 30, 2006 6:28 pm

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