Liverpool FC Forum

by **66-1112520797** » Thu Aug 24, 2006 10:45 am

This fella's driving his lorry down the road, and all of a sudden this Irish bloke in his car behind him starts flashing him franticly. The Irish fellas on the horn waving his arms out the window trying to get the drivers attention. After a mile or so the bloke pulls over and the Irishman says.
( in an Irish accent)

" Excuse me sir, ya losing your load"

to which the driver of the lorry replies...... " F.uck off mate, I'm gritting "

One more.

How do you confuse an Irishman.......... Stick him in a round room and tell him theres a mars bar in the corner.

by **Big Niall** » Thu Aug 24, 2006 11:07 am

God was telling Jesus about how life should be - a mixture of goodness and sufferring to be balanced.

He said, Florida has the most beautiful sunshine but I give it hurricanes so people don't feel too comfortable.

I give Scandanavia great wealth but ensure long dark, cold winters so their souls will suffer a bit.

Jesus asked about Ireland, he said that it has mild winters and summers, a nice coastline, decent wealth, where is their suffering?

To which god replied "wait until you see the neighbours I gave them"

by **JBG** » Thu Aug 24, 2006 11:26 am

by **thegreedo** » Thu Aug 24, 2006 1:17 pm

Big Niall wrote:God was telling Jesus about how life should be - a mixture of goodness and sufferring to be balanced.

He said, Florida has the most beautiful sunshine but I give it hurricanes so people don't feel too comfortable.

I give Scandanavia great wealth but ensure long dark, cold winters so their souls will suffer a bit.

Jesus asked about Ireland, he said that it has mild winters and summers, a nice coastline, decent wealth, where is their suffering?

To which god replied "wait until you see the neighbours I gave them"

Great comeback Niall lad! Fair play!! :nod

by **112-1077774096** » Thu Aug 24, 2006 1:32 pm

pat and mick go for a job on a building site, the foreman says to pat "whats your name?" "Pat" came the repy.

"ah, we are quite posh here" said the foreman, "your name is patrick"

turning to Mick the foreman asked "and whats your name?"

"mickrick" came the reply :laugh:

by **66-1112520797** » Thu Aug 24, 2006 1:47 pm

peewee wrote:pat and mick go for a job on a building site, the foreman says to pat "whats your name?" "Pat" came the repy.

"ah, we are quite posh here" said the foreman, "your name is patrick"

turning to Mick the foreman asked "and whats your name?"

"mickrick" came the reply

quality

by **jkop** » Thu Aug 24, 2006 1:58 pm

Des wrote:What are you shaking your head about brother?
If your that sensitive, you shouldnt be on the net.
Ireland and semtex have a long running connection Many of us have bore the brunt of it, but we dont mope about it at the slightest joke.
If we dont like a post-ignore it ignorance is bliss

Okay sure ill do what you say :bowdown

by **jkop** » Thu Aug 24, 2006 2:14 pm

Sorry Des i dont mean to be cheeky, just the wife was poking me again with her stick, no hard feelings.

by **Des** » Thu Aug 24, 2006 3:30 pm

No problem brother.
Cant believe she STILL has that stick :;):

by **Des** » Thu Aug 24, 2006 3:34 pm

Bamaga man wrote:This fella's driving his lorry down the road, and all of a sudden this Irish bloke in his car behind him starts flashing him franticly. The Irish fellas on the horn waving his arms out the window trying to get the drivers attention. After a mile or so the bloke pulls over and the Irishman says.
( in an Irish accent)

" Excuse me sir, ya losing your load"

to which the driver of the lorry replies...... " F.uck off mate, I'm gritting "

One more.

How do you confuse an Irishman.......... Stick him in a round room and tell him theres a mars bar in the corner.

quality brother.

Or line 3 spades up against the wall and ask him to take his pick

by **Big Niall** » Thu Aug 24, 2006 3:54 pm

An Irishman and an Englishman were argueing over whose people are tougher. The Irishman says there's only one way to settle the argument, they each have to kick each other in the nuts and see who can take it better.

So the Englishman stands up with his legs spread out while the Irish man sprints for 20 metres and launches a mighty kick into Englishman's nuts sending him flying through the air howling. He falls on the ground with his nuts up by his throat and starts puking and crying in agony.

After about 10 minutes, he gets up very slowly and says that he's turn now, to which the Irishman says "nah, its okay, you can win the argument, see ya" :buttrock

by **dawson99** » Thu Aug 24, 2006 3:55 pm

two gay irishman:

william fitz-patrick and patrick fitz-william

by **Des** » Thu Aug 24, 2006 3:56 pm

Ha ha HAAAAA thats hilarious brother

by **greenred** » Thu Aug 24, 2006 4:25 pm

This is the transcript of the ACTUAL radio conversation between the British
and the Irish, off the coast of Kerry, Oct 98. Radio conversation released by
the Chief of Naval Operations 10-10-01:

IRISH: Please divert your course 15 degrees to the South, to avoid a collision.

BRITISH: Recommend you divert your course 15 degrees to the North, to
avoid a collision.

IRISH: Negative. You will have to divert your course 15 degrees to the South
to avoid a collision.

BRITISH: This is the Captain of a British navy ship. I say again, divert YOUR
course.

IRISH: Negative. I say again, You will have to divert YOUR course.

BRITISH: THIS IS THE AIRCRAFT CARRIER HMS ARK ROYAL! THE
SECOND LARGEST SHIP IN THE BRITISH ATLANTIC FLEET. WE ARE
ACCOMPANIED BY THREE DESTROYERS, THREE CRUISERS, AND
NUMEROUS SUPPORT VESSELS. I DEMAND THAT YOU CHANGE YOUR
COURSE 15 DEGREES NORTH, I SAY AGAIN, THAT IS 15 DEGREES
NORTH, OR COUNTER-MEASURES WILL BE UNDERTAKEN TO ENSURE
THE SAFETY OF THIS SHIP.

IRISH: We are a lighthouse. Your call.

by **JBG** » Thu Aug 24, 2006 5:00 pm

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