Liverpool FC Forum

[BringBackTiti]

a bloke on his way into work this morning came to a dead halt in

traffic and thinks to himself



"Wow, this traffic seems worse than usual.



Nothing's moving."



He notices a police officer walking back and forth between the lines

of

cars

so he rolls down his window and asks:





"Officer what's the hold up?"





The officer replies: "It's a Man Utd fan, he's just so depressed about

losing the premiership to Arsenal last season and again to Chelsea

this

season, being knocked out of Europe, losing in the FA Cup final,

selling

out

to a yank and winning naff all after gobbing off all season whilst

Liverpool have won the European Cup , he's threatening to douse

himself in

petrol

and

set himself on fire.





He says his family hates him and his mates are all laughing at him.

I'm

walking around taking a collection for him."





"Oh really?" says the bloke "How much



have you collected so far?".





"Only about a litre, but a lot of people are still siphoning."

[SouthCoastShankly]

A Man Utd fan walks into a pub and is about to order a drink when he notices lots of Liverpool FC memorabilia on the walls.

Realising his mistake he swiftly makes a move for the exit, when the landlord of the pub stops him -
"Leaving so quickly?"

"Sorry mate I think i've walked into the wrong pub"

"Why are you sorry?"

"Well i'm a Man Utd fan.."

"Ahhh, well before I can allow you to leave you have to roll this dice, if you roll any number between 1 and 5 you get the sh1t kicked out of you"

"What if I roll a 6??"

"You get another go!"

[ckay]

What have Man Yoo and an Xmas cracker got in common?

One Yank and they fall apart!

[real fan from abroad]

[LFCNUTTER]

David Moyes and Raffa on a radio interview presenter says to moyes what are your expectations for next season  moyes says I just hope to finish above Liverpool again. And what are your expectations for next season Raffa. I think we will win the league ,win the fa cup , carling cup, super cup and champions league. come on Raffa you have to be realistic says the presenter.
Raffa replies  well that Moyes started it

[Fernando Morientes > 19 <]

[7_Kewell]

Half way into the summer, there is a fire and it’s Old Trafford burning.  The fire brigade arrive and begin to tackle the blaze when, all of a sudden, Alex Ferguson arrives in a panic.  Pushing past the Police and Fire crews, he screams “THE CUPS, WE MUST SAVE THE CUPS”…….”it’s ok” replies the chief fireman,  “we have isolated the fire and it won’t get anywhere near the canteen.”

[murphy0151]

Whats 3 foot long and keeps a c**t warm? A man utd scarf.

[AussieKopite]

Tricky Court Case 

A seven year old English boy was at the centre of a courtroom drama
last week when he challenged a court ruling over who should have custody of
him. 


The boy had a long history of being beaten by his parents and the judge
duly awarded custody to his Aunt.

However, the boy confirmed that his Aunt beat him more than his parents
and refused to live there. When the judge suggested that he live with
his grandparents, the boy cried out that they beat him more than anyone.


The judge then dramatically allowed the boy to choose who should
have custody of him. 




Custody was granted to Manchester United this
morning as the boy firmly believes that they are not capable of beating anyone.

[L-type]

ahaha that last one was class.  I liked The Rafa and Moyes one, but I find it hard to imagine Benitez saying to anyone !!

[7_Kewell]

how do you confuse and Man utd fan?



Give them a map of Manchester

[The Ace1983]

Nothing like a laugh at Man Utd's expense.

[The Ace1983]

Q. What's the difference between a  2 week old corpse and Old Trafford?

A. One of them is a rancid, stinking pile of decay crawling with worms, maggotts and diseases, and the other one is a dead body.

[H_K_LFC]

      theyre all quality

[gerrardisgod]

Q: Did you hear that the British Post Office has just recalled their latest stamps?
A: Well, they had photos of Manchester United players on them - folk couldn't figure out which side to spit on


Q: Why can't you get a cup of tea at Old Trafford?
A: All the mugs are on the field and all the cups are at anfield