Liverpool FC Forum

[gerrardisgod]

Q: What do you say to a man utd supporter with a good looking bird on his arm?
A: Nice tattoo

[Red Rafa Revolution]

Class

[mikopool]

What have Man Yoo and an Xmas cracker got in common?

One Yank and they fall apart!

hahahahahahaha brilliant!

[mikopool]

Q: spot the odd one out

father christmas, easter rabbit, manchester united fan actually from manchester

A: actually, its a trick question, they are all fictional characters

[Pablo_Escobar]

A Man Utd fan dies on match day and goes to heaven in his Man Utd shirt. He knocks on the old pearly gates and out walks St. Peter in a Arsenal scarf.

"Hello mate" says St. Peter, "I'm sorry, no Man Utd fans in heaven."
"What ?" exclaims the man, astonished.
"You heard, no Man Utd fans."
"But, but, but, I've been a good man", replies the Man Utd supporter.
"Oh really", says St. Peter. "What have you done, then ?"
"Well" said the guy, "Three weeks before I died, I gave 10 pounds to the starving children in Africa".
"Oh" says St. Peter. "anything else?"
"Well, 2 weeks before I died I also gave 10 pounds to the homeless."
"Hmmm. Anything else?"
"Yeah. A week before I died I gave 10 pounds to the Albanian orphans."
"Okay", said St. Peter, "You wait here a minute while I have a word with the governor."
Ten minutes pass before St. Peter returns. He looks the bloke in the eye and says, "I've had a word with God and he agrees with me. Here's your thirty quid back, now f*ck off".

[Pablo_Escobar]

An Arsenal Fan, a Liverpool fan and a Man u fan were all in Saudi Arabia, sharing a smuggled crate of booze. All of a sudden the Saudi police rushed in and arrested them. The mere possession of alcohol is a severe offence in Saudi Arabia, so for the terrible crime of actually being caught consuming the booze, they were sentenced to death!

However, after many months and with the help of very good lawyers, they were able to successfully appeal their sentence down to life imprisonment. By a stroke of luck, it was a Saudi national holiday the day their trial finished, and the extremely benevolent Sheikh decided they could be released after receiving just 20 lashes each of the whip. As they were preparing for their punishment, the Sheikh suddenly said: "It's my first wife's birthday today, and she has asked me to allow each of you one wish before your whipping."

The Arsenal fan was first in line (he had drunk the least), so he thought about this for a while and then said: "Please tie a pillow to my back." This was done, but the pillow only lasted 10 lashes before the whip went through. The Gooner had to be carried away bleeding and crying with pain when the punishment was done. The manc was next up and after watching the scene, said:" Please fix two pillows on my back, under my dress" But even two pillows & 1 dress could only take 15 lashes before the whip went through again.

The L'pool fan was the last one up (he had finished off the crate), but before he could say anything, the Sheikh turned to him and said: "You are from a most beautiful part of the world, your city has some of the best bars, nightclubs and restaurants in Europe, your city and football team is known throughout the world. For this, you may have two wishes!"

"Cheers mate, your Most Royal and Merciful Highness", The scouser replies. "In recognition of your kindness, my first wish is that you give me not 20, but 100 lashes."

"Not only are you an honourable, handsome and powerful man, you are also very brave." The Sheik says with an admiring look on his face. "If 100
lashes is what you desire, then so be it. And your second wish? What is it to be?" the Sheikh asks.

"Please tie the manc scum to my back."

[Pablo_Escobar]

Once upon a time in the Kingdom of Heaven, God went missing for six days. Eventually, the Archangel Gabriel found him, resting on the seventh day. He inquired of God, "Where have you been?" God sighed a deep sigh of satisfaction and proudly pointed downwards through the clouds, "Look Gabriel, look what I've made." Archangel Gabriel looked puzzled and said, "What is it?" "It's a planet," replied God, "and I've put Life on it. I'm going to call it Earth and it's going to be a great place of balance." "Balance?" inquired Gabriel, still confused. God explained, pointing to different parts of Earth, "For example, North America will be a place of great opportunity and wealth while South America is going to be poor. Over there I've placed a continent of white people and over there is a continent of black people.," God continued, pointing to different countries. "This one will be extremely hot and arid while this one will be very cold and covered in ice." The Archangel, impressed by God's work, then pointed to a small populated area in the land of Great Britain and said "What's that?" "Ah," said God. "That's Merseyside, the most glorious place on Earth. There's a beautiful river, glorious parks, and buildings, great music and world dominating football teams. The people from Liverpool are going to be modest, intelligent and humorous and they're going to be found traveling the worldas expatriats. They'll be extremely sociable, hard-working and high-achieving, and they will be known throughout the world as diplomats and carriers of peace." Gabriel gasped in wonder and admiration but then proclaimed, "What about balance, God? You said there will be balance!" God replied wisely, "Wait until you see the lazy, arrogant, b'stards I'm putting next to them in Manchester."

[2520years]

Some Liverpool fans and ManUre fans found themselves buying tickets for the same train going to Cardiff for the Cup Final.  The two ManUre fans got their tickets and watched as the Liverpool fans only bought one between them.  "You'll never get away with that our kid!" they gloated.

When the train was pulling away and the inspector came round the two Liverpool fans went into one of the toilets.  The inspector knocked on the door and one of them reached out and showed him their one ticket, and he went away satisfied.

On the way back the (miserable as usual) ManUre fans thought they'd try the same trick.  So they bought one ticket between them.  They were gutted again though when the Liverpool fans didn't buy any!

When the train pulled away the Mancs went in one toilet and excitedly waited for a knock at the door.



The scousers then knocked on their door, said "Tickets please", nicked their ticket and locked themselves in the other toilet!  Outfoxed again...

     

[kalos]

You are in a  room with a double barrell shotgun, a starving crocodile, a man-eating lion and a manusa supporter.

Q. What do you do...?

A. Shoot the manc twice!!

[skipper]

Here's an easy one.

Q:  What do you call a man who supports both Everton and Man U?

A:  A bitter piece of scum.

[PabloAimar]

wat do u call a woman with 2 cu'nts?

mrs. neville

[PabloAimar]

wayne rooney walks into a pub with a peice of sh1t in his hand and says "look wat i nearly stepped in."

[65-1114725958]

Q. Whats the difference between Man Utd and a large turd smelling of rotten kack and covered in flies?

A..... NOTHING!

----------------------------------------------------------

Q.  Why did wayne rooney get a skinhead?

A.  Cause coleen forgot to shave her TW@T !!!!!!!!!!!!!

 

[skipper]

Q. Whats the difference between Man Utd and a large turd smelling of rotten kack and covered in flies?

A..... NOTHING!

----------------------------------------------------------

  So true.

[West]

Q: What's the difference between Alex Ferguson and God?
A: God doesn't think he's Alex Ferguson.



A primary teacher starts a new job at a school and, trying to make a good impression on her first day, explains to her class that she is a Man Utd fan.
She asks her students to raise their hands if they, too, are ManU fans. Everyone in the class raises their hand except one little girl.

The teacher looks at the girl with surprise and says: "Mary, why didn't you raise your hand?"

"Because I'm not a Man Utd fan," she replied.

The teacher, still shocked, asks: "Well, if you're not a Man Utd fan, then who are you a fan of?"

"I'm a Liverpool fan, and proud of it," Mary replied.

The teacher could not believe her ears. "Mary, why are you a Liverpool fan?"

"Because my mum and dad are from Liverpool, and my mum is a Liverpool fan and my dad is a Liverpool fan, so I'm a Liverpool fan too!"

"Well," said the teacher, in an annoyed tone, "that's no reason for you to be a Liverpool fan. You don't have to be just like your parents all of the time.

What if your mum was a prostitute and your dad was a drug addict and car thief, what would you be then?"

"Then," Mary smiled, "I'd be a Man Utd fan."