Liverpool FC Forum

[RUSHIE#9]

Never sh'agged a fattie   I did however have a night of terror with a Greek hunchback .

It was thirty odd years ago but the nightmare is still with me . I was making my way overland from India  back to the UK and somehow ended up on a small island about a hour out of Athens where I met this couple ,an English fella and his Greek wife. She wasn't bad looking BUT did have an enormous hump and a walk that Quasimodo would have been proud of. One night I'm sitting in the taverna and in she shuffles minus her husband, turns out he's gone to Athens on business and won't be back till the next day. We had a meal and a few ouzos after which (being the gentleman I am) I offered to escort her home. We got to her door and she invites me in . Now just to be clear, sex with this Greek bellringer was the furthest thing from my mind, she was however a very intelligent woman and a great conversationalist so in I went and we spent the next couple of hours emptying a bottle of brandy whilst discussing life the universe and everything......... I'ts now 3am and I'm making ready to leave when she says "why don't you stay here tonight , you can sleep in one of the spare rooms ". Being well p'issed by now I was more than happy to stumble into one of the spare bedrooms and collapse onto a big brass bed, and thats when the terror began.

I'd only been on the bed for a couple of minutes when I heard the faint but distinct scrape scrape scrape as she dragged one foot behind the other slowly approaching my door. In true hammer house of horror style the door opened with a long drawn out creak that had my hair standing on end and into the room shuffled Quasimodo dressed in a long white nightgown and carrying a lit candle.
Without a word she approached the bed , set down the candle , hitched up her nightgown and sat on my face ! Lads, I was blowing bubbles out of my f'ucking ears . I was torn between a feeling of compassion and the desire to throw up as this creature bore down on my face with increasing ferocity, but when she started to yodel I thought "fu'ck, at this rate she's was gonna break my teeth" . Summoning up what stamina I had left I forced her off my face and onto the floor where I proceeded to do the dirty deed. I was thinking to myself "let's get this over as quickly as possible" when I noticed that with her legs raised of the ground she was rocking backwards and forwards on her hump , requiring absolutely no effort from me . To my everlasting shame I have to admit I began to enjoy it .   I'll spare you the rest of the sordid details but suffice to say that when I passed her in the street the following day her gammy leg was dragging even further behind than usual and when I greeted her the gimp blanked me completely !!!

Feckin hell I'm reading this in the office and I am seriously struggling not to laugh out loud!

That bit about her rockin on her hump    , anyone else get a mental picture of woof humpin a turtle on its back there or is that just me? 

Never been with a fattie meself but might consider doing it just for the comedy value! 

[66-1112520797]

Never been with a fattie meself but might consider doing it just for the comedy value!

Its a great life experiance mate, and if your young its certainly character building.

[redtrader74]

Never sh'agged a fattie    I did however have a night of terror with a Greek hunchback .

It was thirty odd years ago but the nightmare is still with me . I was making my way overland from India  back to the UK and somehow ended up on a small island about a hour out of Athens where I met this couple ,an English fella and his Greek wife. She wasn't bad looking BUT did have an enormous hump and a walk that Quasimodo would have been proud of. One night I'm sitting in the taverna and in she shuffles minus her husband, turns out he's gone to Athens on business and won't be back till the next day. We had a meal and a few ouzos after which (being the gentleman I am) I offered to escort her home. We got to her door and she invites me in . Now just to be clear, sex with this Greek bellringer was the furthest thing from my mind, she was however a very intelligent woman and a great conversationalist so in I went and we spent the next couple of hours emptying a bottle of brandy whilst discussing life the universe and everything......... I'ts now 3am and I'm making ready to leave when she says "why don't you stay here tonight , you can sleep in one of the spare rooms ". Being well p'issed by now I was more than happy to stumble into one of the spare bedrooms and collapse onto a big brass bed, and thats when the terror began.

I'd only been on the bed for a couple of minutes when I heard the faint but distinct scrape scrape scrape as she dragged one foot behind the other slowly approaching my door. In true hammer house of horror style the door opened with a long drawn out creak that had my hair standing on end and into the room shuffled Quasimodo dressed in a long white nightgown and carrying a lit candle .
Without a word she approached the bed , set down the candle , hitched up her nightgown and sat on my face ! Lads, I was blowing bubbles out of my f'ucking ears . I was torn between a feeling of compassion and the desire to throw up as this creature bore down on my face with increasing ferocity, but when she started to yodel I thought "fu'ck, at this rate she's was gonna break my teeth" . Summoning up what stamina I had left I forced her off my face and onto the floor where I proceeded to do the dirty deed. I was thinking to myself "let's get this over as quickly as possible" when I noticed that with her legs raised of the ground she was rocking backwards and forwards on her hump , requiring absolutely no effort from me . To my everlasting shame I have to admit I began to enjoy it .   I'll spare you the rest of the sordid details but suffice to say that when I passed her in the street the following day her gammy leg was dragging even further behind than usual and when I greeted her the gimp blanked me completely !!!

Woof Woof you bstard you've imprinted mental pictures i'll never get rid of     One being an image of you shagging a tortoise on its back.

[GRAHAM01]

not the first time but the funniest time i ever went with a fattie was many years ago when i was about 20/21 ish me and the lads had gone out and were well on are way to getting pi*sed, we had gone in to this club and were showing the silky   skills on the dance floor when we noticed a group of fridge lovers looking us up and down

we thought we would have a laugh and play up to them so all of us were winding them up and dirty dancing with them, getting them a bit hot under the coller anyway as the night and the games progressed ( and the drink flowed ) the dancing and games were getting a little out of hand as we dared each other in to doing more and more

we ended up going back to one of there houses for a little after party and i had been latched on to by one of the larger fillies who dragged me off to a bedroom and then gave me a lap dance, i`ve never seen anything like it in all my life it was frightening there she was dending over trying to touch her toes and wiggle her momouth in my face

when she had finished her little routine she pulled me on to the bed and to be fair she gave one of the best blow jobs i`ve ever had

she said she wanted to go on top but i wasn`t having that so got my energy up and dived on top and got the deed done as fast as i could, once the deed had been done i just rolled off (watching not to burn my on the light bulb) and went to sleep

the next morning she was trying to have seconds but i made my leave and got out of there

i`ve never been back to that club

[woof woof !]

i just rolled off (watching not to burn my on the light bulb) and went to sleep

  Classy .

[GRAHAM01]

why thank you

so was she, classy that is 

[Bad Bob]

F.ucking belter of a thread, this!

[stmichael]

Oh dear. This takes me back to Uni days. To be honest in the first year I had no standards whatsoever. 

Slept with a few fatties. How do you ask?

A: Piece of cake!

[andy_g]

threads like this make it almost worth coming back

[112-1077774096]

[EddieC]

Only shagged one proper fattie, about two years ago. Usual story, got p!ssed up & went home with her, and I told her as much the next morning.

A couple of days later I got a call: 'do you wanna come round, I've got some beers in the fridge'. Not only did she not care that I only done her cos I was drunk, she was actually angling for a repeat! I went round there about 5 or 6 times over the following weeks, every time drinking her beer then making my excuses, until one night her plan actually worked. I got too p!ssed and shagged her again, after that I decided the risk wasn't worth the free beer 

[stmichael]

I'm a lot more picky now though. I've decided that the face is also important.

I could never be beside the pool and fall in love with a body. But I could be in the bakery and fall in love with a cute chubby girl stuffin her face with a cheese pastie. 

[grayghost]

Jesus i only ever shagged 1 fatty but she was the 1 that got away. It was when i went on holiday to spain with a couple of mates and it was about 2 in the morning and we were as as fook and all of us caught the eye of this girl. Yes she was fat but she new how to work it she had the best Tits i have ever seen big and well formed. Well she ended up being from Liverpool and me being the only 1 from there we started chatting on some table on are own while the rest of the boys were of hunting. WELL that first night i only got a couple of kisses i would have had more but some old guy just comes over and sits at the table. Am like who the fooks this it ends up being her dad i think but he was ok we talked aswell but she ended up getting off with her dad.. But the next night i was out all day looking for this girl and i couldt find her untill ad given up i was on my way back to the all night bar when over the road there she is and with out her dad my luck was in i had to confince her to come back the hotel while the lads were out mind you but when we got there Holy the sex was great ft girls love to make noise ans she certanly did and then she said the Magic words that every guy would love to here......." You can stick up my if you want" oooooomy god that was my first time visting Brown town banging that fat was so good. Trust me boys once you go fat you never go back.

[babu]

as a wise woman once said 'a standing cock has no conscience'

same woman also said 'if you tell your mate's, i will bitch slap you up and down the street'. I am assuming telling people on the internet would be worse, so i'll keep my hefty stories to myself.

Coward!    (Plus, don't think I didn't notice the plural there! )

that's it!! 

I'll not have anyone calling babu a coward. (ps eagle eye, plural is quite correct)

Melbourne cup day, when i was 23. Spent a fruitless drunken day trying to tune hotties. dressed to kill, i was.

fast forward to 2 am, in some yuppie night club. still no luck. with the last of my rational thoughts, i decided to lower my standards.

fast forward too 3 am. I have this 6'2 yeti pinned against a wall, doing my best to convince her, she should take me home. My mates half-heartly try to tell me i would regret it.

She takes me back to her place, and i just remmebered being terrified when she got undressed. I don't mind handles, but for the love of god. 

Nevertheless, i did the deed. However she failed to mention that she lived at home, and the angry looking man at her door watching us was her dad. I was too drunk to stop after i noticed him, so i kinda looked apologetically at him while i finished, put my clothes on and ran out the front door... into the bush, then the letter box.. etc etc.

[GRAHAM01]

I'm a lot more picky now though. I've decided that the face is also important.

I could never be beside the pool and fall in love with a body. But I could be in the bakery and fall in love with a cute chubby girl stuffin her face with a cheese pastie. 

i can see it now st mic

your walking down the road one day with your cute chubby girl when you are stopped by some muppet asking question on how couples meet

hello sir hello madam, so how did you meet

well says mrs st mic it was love at first sight i was in my local greggs and in he walked as i took a nibble out of my low fat cheese delight his eyes meet mine and we have dined of cheese pastys ever since ( she swoons )

and you sir

i only had enough money for a sausage roll and there she was taking a gob full of a cheese pasty and a bag full of them in her hand i thought i would help her out with a few and it`s just gone on from there