Liverpool FC Forum

[The Red Baron]

I was driving along tonight,and something I did about 25 years ago came into my head and I couldnt help laughing.

A mate of mine phoned me up one Sunday morning and asked did Ifancy a day out in Crewe,Crewe why the F.ck would Iwant to go to Crewe Iasked.Anyway it turned out his sister lived in Crewe and he was taking a bed from his Mothers house down to his sisters place.So off we go 4 of us in this battered Allegro with a bed tied on the roofrack.
  When we arrived we had to get the bed up about 6 flights of stairs into this tiny attic flat,After the bed was put together
it was time to go on the p!ss.My mates sister said you cant leave the old bed here theres no room take it with you and dump it on the way home.We had a few pints in his sisters local,then set off for home.We pulled into a lovely country pub miles from anywhere,we thought a few more pints then well ditch the bed in one of these fields.We stayed longer than expected and were getting quite p!ssed.
Ah well time to go we decided,when we went out into the car park I had a brainwave.Some fool had parked a Ford Granada,
next to us and guess what it had a roofrack.The old bed was off the allegro sharpish,and secured on the Granadas roofrack in seconds.We p!ssed ourselves laughing all the way home imagining the look on the fellahs face when he came out of the pub.

Its not the funniest story in the World, perhaps you had to be there lets read some of yours.

[bng89]

I got one for you

My mate was having a party at his house and as you, you get p*ssed.
One of my not so close mates got so bad that he passed out. This is where i come in. He was passed out on his back, so i decided to colour his whole face in with a black permanent pen.

He woke up the next morning, having no idea only to find his face was black.
       Ok you might have had to see it

[66-1112520797]

A few years back I was doing a private job on a Saturday morning, installing a new boiler for this woman.
Anyway she said to me " I'm off out now for the day, I'm going to town and then after round to a mates, and I wont be back until tomorrow."
She said " just shut the door on your way out when ya finished"

By the way she lived in a block of flats ,third or fourth floor I think

So anyway I was working away and I was running up and down the stairs all day getting various bits and pieces from the van. ( while leaving her door open).
Now this could of easily happened to anyone, it was about the seventh time I'd been down to the van I went down to get some sand and cement. BUT when I finally came back up the stairs the front door had shut. F%ck was my initial reaction, she aint coming back till tomorrow all my tools are in there the jobs unfinished and whats more theres an untested Gas pipe and bolier in there.
Brainwave hit me next, Yes I thought, I saw her bathroom window open so I climbed through knocking all this shampoo and Sh!t of the ledge (making a right noise).
I was half way through the window and looked at the carpet in the hallway, and I though to myself I dont recognise that carpet,hmmmm. But neverthe less I climbed in, low and behold it was the wrong flat !!!!!!

I walked round the corner into the lounge and there was some woman sitting there, white as a ghost she was pooing herself while feeding two babies. Once we had seen each other we BOTHED panicked and yelled, I couldnt get out the door quick enough, I couldnt undo the lock I was panicking, good knows how she was feeling !!!

So I quickly ran out and couldnt understand what the f#ck had just happened so I went up another flight of stairs to level 4 and I found the flat I was working in, and guess what ?

The  door was open and always had been, me being a dopey bollox just got the wrong  flat level

[Mikz]

A while back I was looking at our chinese menu and I changed Chicken Leg supper to-Chicken Leg support, when my brother was phoning for a delivery,I convinced him it was a new thing and the best on the menu   Gawd-when he rang and asked for it I was in the other room laughing-"hello could I have a chicken Leg support?"
"Supper you mean?"
'No SUPPORT"       
She ended up hanging up.
Another one I do is , when we visit the wifes parents-her dad is doting a bit,and hes always parked in front of the telly -watching a film. I lift the remote ,go outside the room and change channels when he isnt looking to another film
come back in, then 10 minutes later, change it back and so on
Hes sitting like this     and when i ask him if its a good film he always says its hard to follow lol
My wife was going on and on about this new bottled water shed bought...and i was winding her up saying water is water etc-cant beat the original.....anyway i got fed up with her and while she was upstairs -watered the plants with her bottled stuff, and filled it up with tap water.
She didnt even notice  I was right

[dawson99]

When me and my mates were really drunk wed found this dead cat lying in the road, it had been run over and was already dead and since we were drunk we hought wed have a little fun.
There is this chinese that we dont like, always getting our orders wrong and stuff, so my mate grabbed the cat by the tail and literally just swung it over his shoulder. It was a friday night so it was busy in there and there was a bit of a queue. So my mate just walks into the chinese, and chucks the cat on the counter.
"and thats the last one im sending u tonite" he said and then looking sober as a judge just walked out.

Well, if i had done that it woulda been class 

[Judge]

looking sober as a judge just walked out.

thanks dawson 

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when i was 10 i threw a stick over some power lines, but the stick got stuck across them. As i looked across the valley i could see lights going out across burley in wharfedale.

i shat myself. within 10 minutes an angry electric engineer, fire brigade and police dashed to the site of the stick. Me and my mates were just standing there gobsmacked.

I admitted that i'd thrown the stick and thought i was gonna be taken to prison. At the time i couldnt understand why i'd shorted out the whole of burley, as i said to the engineer that birds stand on the lines all the time.

he said angrily ''that they dont straddle them though''

i felt stupid at the time, but my mates thought i was a hero

we all laugh about it in the pub when we reminisce

[jonnymac1979]

When I was in school, I managed to get my hands on official letterheaded paper with the logo and address etc... on it.

I then drafted a letter, addressing it to my parents, asking if they wouldn't mind paying a visit to the school due to my younger brother's (also in the same school about three years younger though) unexplained absences from lessons, and also to discuss his general lack of co-operation and respect for other pupils and especially teachers.  I think I threw a few more bits in there to really get the juices flowing, stuff about keeping him back a year if his behaviour did not impove, stuff like that.  I don't know what came over me to do this.  Was killing myself laughing though as I was making this letter up.  Forged his year head's signature and everything.  I printed it out on the official paper, admired my genius and I posted it.  Then I stupidly forgot about it.

A couple of days later after I had finished school for the day, I went straight to the house of some girl I was seeing at the time.  I rang home to tell my Ma not to make me any tea as I would be having a meal at this girls house.  Anyway, when she picked the phone up, my Ma was crying.  And I could hear my Dad and brother roaring at each other in the background.

"What's wrong Mum?"

"Oh lad, it's your brother, I've had a letter off the school about him........."

OH SHIT!!!!!

And that's when it hit me what I'd done.  My poor brother had probably been getting the bollocking of his life for about an hour until I phoned up the house and cooled it all down.  No longer did I find it funny.  Anyway, once I'd told her that it was me who had sent it, my Ma's voice suddenly turned into the violent 13 year old voice of my brother, screaming down the phone that I was a bastard and he would fucking kill me as soon as he could get his hands on me.  And I believed him and I would have deserved it.

I got home from this girls about 10pm that night and sheepishly walked in the house and just said sorry to everyone.  No more was said about it, they could see it was a joke that had gone wrong.  The plan was for me to be there when they opened it so I could diffuse the situation after about five minutes once I'd had a laugh.  I was an idiot though, I forgot all about it and my brother paid for it big time.

Having said that, almost ten years on and I'm sitting here typing this now and it still makes me laugh out loud.  When you think about it properly, no real harm was done and it was a killer prank.

 

[babu]

I used to live for pranks and practical jokes.

When i was in my first year at university, I lived in a college that had co-ed dorms. It was a lot of fun.

Anyway about half way through the first term, I went to one of my Zoology classes, where we had to dissect a feotal pig. About half way through the dissection i noticed a few work stations empty (some students obviously did not want to take part). So I reached over and stuffed a spare pig into my rucksack.

me and my mate went giggling all the way back to college with a feotal pig in my bag. When i got to my own dorm, i went into the toliet and taped the pig to the inside of the toilet bowl.

The idea was that the next person using that toliet would get quite a nice shock. So a couple of us set up camp on the outside steps with some beers and waited. About an hour later this 3rd year Chick (incidently she was very hot) goes into the toilet, 3 minutes later comes screaming out of the toilet with her shorts around her ankles.

As it happened the prank worked better than expected because, she did not look in the bowl before she did her business (i never found out if it was #1 or #2) and only saw the pigs face staring up at her when she flushed.

Ohh boy i was persona not grata with her and her friends for ages after that. worth it though.

[JBG]

Convincing a lot of innocents here that I was Cheesecakery and Honululu Bob...............

[Judge]

Convincing a lot of innocents here that I was Cheesecakery and Honululu Bob...............

was or wasnt ?? which is it 

[Woollyback]

when we were about 14 we robbed a little boat from the beach and rowed out to an old freight ship that had been "mothballed" for storage in the harbour. we managed to get aboard this old thing and got into the wheelhouse and trashed some rooms. in one storage room was all those self-inflating life rafts which we promptly cranked open until BANG! the fecker burst into life and quickly inflated itself, filling this whole bloody storage room. anyway, inside the liferaft there were emergency food & water and 2 emergency distress flares which we robbed and made our way back to the beach in this stolen rowing boat.

we headed off to an old disused quarry on the far side of town near a load of cliffs down to the sea and set these distress flares off up in the sky not thinking anything of it other than what a laugh we'd just had. anyway, walking back toward town a coastguard landrover sped past with full blue lights & siren on, then we noticed the lifeboat was preparing to launch down at the harbour. sh*tting ourselves we all scurried home and sat tight. later that night on the local news there was a report about how a full scale air & sea search & rescue operation had been launched after reports of distress flares coming from behind the cliffs, but nothing had been found and that coastguard would resume their search at daybreak the next day. the raf helicopter was out, the lifeboat was out, the coastguard were out and we absolutely shat ourselves   for about a month after that every time the doorbell went i was dreading it being the police 

[dward]

enjoyed reading these

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my one (not as big as some others, but anyway):

When I was about 12, I went on holiday with my Dad, Mum, little brother, sister and her husband to Italy.

We ended up going to Venice for a day. So in the evening, we went to a restaurant.

All the adults had wine or beer and me and Sean (my brother) had coke.

Before the meal came, me and my sister decided to play a prank on my Dad.

Since all the drinks were in the same type of glass, we thought it would be funny to swap my coke with Dad's wine.

I waited until he was distracted, and I quickly swapped.

Me and my sister were cracking up, but trying not to show it.

We waited until he had a drink of his "wine" and when he did, the look on his face was like this:

The he said: "Fizzy wine...?"

   

So we laughed and laughed, then swapped them back.

Then we decided to do it again.

Once again, I waited for him to get distracted, them swapped my coke with his wine. He didn't notice. But then Sean tried to swap his coke with Dad's "wine" and he caught him.

"Don't be trying that again, you little fart" he said. He was feeling very proud of not being fooled again.

But he took a sip of his wine and said: "What?......not again!"

Very funny at the time

[numptie]

I once crapped on a bowling green on my way home from the pub.  Laughed for hours at the though of the old geezers all standing round staring at it.   I wonder if the better players tried to play round it.

[Woollyback]

my mate john crapped on fred's weather map down the albert dock

[Lando_Griffin]

Errr - hard to remember many "pranks" as such, I usually concentrated on making people look silly in arguements!!!

There was a time though when me and my mate decided it was a good idea to have a camp-fire on the park near us.

Trouble was - it was amongst all the trees. We went home, jolly and everything, but then saw all these fire engines razzing past.

Don't know if it was anything to do with me though!!!!!