Liverpool FC Forum

[account deleted by request]

Another one from my bro.....


A friend of mine went to Buckingham Palace to cut Prince Charles' hair...

Have you gotta permit, I asked him...


No...just take a little off the back...

Took me a while to get that one Shanks..... 

I must be getting old    Not that old that I could pass Woofs test  though 

[babu]

LEARNING TO FLY-pilots test part 1

Concentration is obviously a prime requisite for a pilot.

Most Men will fail miserably.See if you have what it takes to be a pilot...Can you focus purely on the Parrot for 10 seconds ?















Nah! I didn't think so.
Not to worry, me neither....I never wanted to be a friggin' pilot anyway.........

what parrot?

[Judge]

LEARNING TO FLY-pilots test part 1

Concentration is obviously a prime requisite for a pilot.

Most Men will fail miserably.See if you have what it takes to be a pilot...Can you focus purely on the Parrot for 10 seconds ?















Nah! I didn't think so.
Not to worry, me neither....I never wanted to be a friggin' pilot anyway.........

nah, didnt see the parrot, just a beaver 

[account deleted by request]

An anti-smoking group in Liverpool is calling for all movies with smoking scenes to be given an 18 certificate.
SmokeFree Liverpool told BBC's Radio 5 Live it wanted to see the change but the film classification board said the idea was "heavy-handed".

The push - backed by the city council - comes amid research showing young people pick up the bad habit from watching films containing smoking.

One city official said Liverpool may even act alone to restrict film access.

Andy Hull, the city's head of public protection and chair of SmokeFree Liverpool, said an adult rating on movies that depict smoking will reduce the number of young people lighting up.

"The international evidence...is that one in two children between 11 and 18 who witness smoking in movies actually experiment with - and therefore start - smoking themselves," Mr Hull said of recent research.

Liverpool already carries the unenviable title of lung cancer capital of England, with some of the highest smoking rates in the UK.

Not popular

Mr Hull said Liverpool wants the British Board of Film Classification to act.


But a spokeswoman for the film board said smoking and alcohol use are already taken into consideration when a film is rated and a blanket 18 certificate for all smoking scenes is "heavy handed".
"To simply classify a film 18 because people smoke in it would not be popular with the public," the spokeswoman said, adding an extensive public consultation has already examined the issue to come up with existing guidelines.

For example, if a character popular with children such as Harry Potter was somehow promoting cigarettes or seen smoking, the film would be rated accordingly, she said.

"We would take that very seriously," she added.

Dr Stacey Anderson, of the UK Centre for Tobacco Control Studies, said the evidence of smoking's influence on young people is very clear.

  I think to simply classify a film 18 because people smoke in it would not be popular with the public

British Board of Film Classification spokeswoman


"The more smoking a child views in films, the more likely they are to take up smoking," she said of the scientific evidence gathered in the United States and elsewhere.

Dr Anderson said characters do not even have to be smoking for there to be an adverse influence, just the sight of a pack of cigarettes or a tobacco advertisement has an effect on youth attitude.

She said if part of the role of the film board is to protect young people from potential harm, then smoking should be included in those considerations.

Mr Hull said if the BBFC is not prepared to adopt an 18 certificate then the city will consider using licensing laws to bring in its own stricter ratings for films screened locally.

So gratuitous drugs,sex and violence in films is OK because that only encourages rape and murder while on crack cocaine, but someone having a cig....... might encourage little Johnny to smoke a cig, and we can't have that can we!

[metalhead]

LEARNING TO FLY-pilots test part 1

Concentration is obviously a prime requisite for a pilot.

Most Men will fail miserably.See if you have what it takes to be a pilot...Can you focus purely on the Parrot for 10 seconds ?















Nah! I didn't think so.
Not to worry, me neither....I never wanted to be a friggin' pilot anyway.........

I can't find the parrot anywhere.

[metalhead]

A young monk arrives at the monastery. He is assigned to helping the other monks in copying the old canons and laws of the church by hand.
He notices, however, that all of the monks are copying from copies, not from the original manuscript. So, the new monk goes to the head abbot to question this, pointing out that if someone made even a small error in the first copy, it would never be picked up. In fact, that error would be continued in all of the subsequent copies.
The head monk, says, 'We have been copying from the copies for centuries, but you make a good point, my son.' So, he goes down into the dark caves underneath the monastery where the original manuscripts are held as archives in a locked vault that hasn't been opened for hundreds of years.
Hours go by and nobody sees the old abbot. So, the young monk gets worried and goes down to look for him.
He sees him banging his head against the wall and wailing, 'We missed the 'R', we missed the 'R'.
His forehead is all bloody and bruised and he is crying uncontrollably. The young monk asks the old abbot, 'What's wrong, father?' With a choking voice, the old abbot replies, 'after all these years..... The word was Celebrate'
----------------------

 

[woof woof !]

[metalhead]

Don't you love these? 

[woof woof !]

   

[metalhead]

This is funny 

You'll probably think some of these are the right answers...

--------------------------------------------------------------------------------

UNIVERSITY CHALLENGE (BBC2)
Jeremy Paxman: What is another name for 'cherrypickers' and
'cheesemongers'?
Contestant: Homosexuals.
Paxman: No. They're regiments in the British Army who will be very upset
with you.


BEG, BORROW OR STEAL (BBC2)
Jamie Theakston: Where do you think Cambridge University is?
Contestant: Geography isn't my strong point.
Theakston: There's a clue in the title.
Contestant: Leicester .

BBC NORFOLK
Stewart White: Who had a worldwide hit with What A Wonderful World?
Contestant: I don't know.
White: I'll give you some clues: what do you call the part between your
hand and your elbow?
Contestant: Arm.
White: Correct. And if you're not weak, you're...?
Contestant: Strong.
White: Correct - and what was Lord Mountbatten's first name?
Contestant: Louis.
White: Well, there we are then. So who had a worldwide hit with the song
What A Wonderful World?
Contestant: Frank Sinatra?


LATE SHOW (BBC MIDLANDS )
Alex Trelinski: What is the capital of Italy ?
Contestant: France .
Trelinski: France is another country. Try again.
Contestant: Oh, um, Benidorm.
Trelinski: Wrong, sorry, let's try another question. In which country is
the Parthenon?
Contestant: Sorry, I don't know.
Trelinski: Just guess a country then.
Contestant: Paris .


THE WEAKEST LINK (BBC2)
Anne Robinson: - Oscar Wilde, Adolf Hitler and Jeffrey Archer have all
written books about their experiences in what: - Prison, or the
Conservative Party?
Contestant: The Conservative Party.


BEACON RADIO ( WOLVERHAMPTON )
DJ Mark: For ?10, what is the nationality of the Pope?
Ruth from Rowley Regis: I think I know that one. Is it Jewish?


UNIVERSITY CHALLENGE
Bamber Gascoigne: What was Gandhi's first name?
Contestant: Goosey?


GWR FM ( Bristol )
Presenter: What happened in Dallas on November 22, 1963?
Contestant: I don't know, I wasn't watching it then.


RTE RADIO 2FM ( IRELAND )
Presenter: What is the name of the long- running TV comedy show about
pensioners: Last Of The...?
Caller: Mohicans.


PHIL WOOD SHOW (BBC RADIO MANCHESTER )
Phil: What's 11 squared?
Contestant: I don't know.
Phil: I'll give you a clue. It's two ones with a two in the middle.
Contestant: Is it five?


RICHARD AND JUDY
Q: Which American actor is married to Nicole Kidman?
A: Forrest Gump.

RICHARD AND JUDY
Leslie: On which street did Sherlock Holmes live?
Contestant: Er. . .
Leslie: He makes bread . . .
Contestant: Er . ...
Leslie: He makes cakes . . .
Contestant: Kipling Street ?


LINCS FM PHONE-IN
Presenter: Which is the largest Spanish-speaking country in the world?
Contestant: Barcelona .
Presenter: I was really after the name of a country.
Contestant: I'm sorry, I don't know the names of any countries in Spain


NATIONAL LOTTERY (BBC1)
Question: What is the world's largest continent?
Contestant: The Pacific


ROCK FM ( PRESTON )
Presenter: Name a film starring Bob Hoskins that is also the name of a
famous painting by Leonardo da Vinci.
Contestant: Who Framed Roger Rabbit?


THE BIGGEST GAME IN TOWN (ITV)
Steve Le Fevre: What was signed, to bring World War I to an end in 1918?

Contestant: Magna Carta?


JAMES O'BRIEN SHOW (LBC)
O'Brien: How many kings of England have been called Henry?
Contestant: Er, well, I know there was a Henry the Eighth ... ER?ER ...
Three?


CHRIS SEARLE SHOW (BBC RADIO BRISTOL )
Searle: In which European country is Mount Etna ?
Caller: Japan .
Searle: I did say which European country, so in case you didn't hear
that, I can let you try again.
Caller: Er .... Mexico ?

PAUL WAPPAT (BBC RADIO NEWCASTLE )
Paul Wappat: How long did the Six-Day War between Egypt and Israel last?

Contestant (after long pause): Fourteen days.


DARYL DENHAM'S DRIVETIME (VIRGIN RADIO)
Daryl Denham: In which country would you spend shekels?
Contestant: Holland ?
Denham: Try the next letter of the alphabet.
Contestant: Iceland ? Ireland ?
Denham (helpfully): It's a bad line. Did you say Israel ?
Contestant: No.


PHIL WOOD SHOW (BBC GMR)
Wood: What 'K' could be described as the Islamic Bible?
Contestant: Er. .. .
Wood: It's got two syllables . . . Kor . . .
Contestant: Blimey?
Wood: Ha ha ha ha, no. The past participle of run . . .
Contestant: (Silence)
Wood: OK, try it another way. Today I run, yesterday I . . .
Contestant: Walked?


THE VAULT
Melanie Sykes: What is the name given to the condition where the
sufferer can fall asleep at any time?
Contestant: Nostalgia.

LUNCHTIME SHOW (BRMB)
Presenter: What religion was Guy Fawkes?
Contestant: Jewish.
Presenter: That's close enough.

STEVE WRIGHT IN THE AFTERNOON (BBC RADIO 2)
Wright: Johnny Weissmuller died on this day. Which jungle-swinging
character clad only in a loin cloth did he play?
Contestant: Jesus

[woof woof !]

  Some crackers there Metalhead

UNIVERSITY CHALLENGE
Bamber Gascoigne: What was Gandhi's first name?
Contestant: Goosey?

love this one , if only it had been true ,   pmsl.

[Woollyback]

priceless

[woof woof !]

Booze Quiz

1,A Polish Bison is a mixture of Vodka and what else ?

2,Grog is a mixture of Rum and what else ?

3,Where does the expression "to go on a bender " come from ?

4, A "Dogs Nose" is a mixture of Beer and what else ?

5, Which Beer advertised with the following slogan "Stays sharp at the bottom of the glass"

[stmichael]

4, A "Dogs Nose" is a mixture of Beer and what else ?

i think it's gin or something like that isn't it?

i went on the "dog's nose diet" once. i lost three and a half weeks.

[taff]

Booze Quiz

1,A Polish Bison is a mixture of Vodka and what else ? Grass

2,Grog is a mixture of Rum and what else ? lemons

3,Where does the expression "to go on a bender " come from ? my mate steve

4, A "Dogs Nose" is a mixture of Beer and what else ? hair

5, Which Beer advertised with the following slogan "Stays sharp at the bottom of the glass" Harp