Liverpool FC Forum

[account deleted by request]

Nothing really, but it sounded like a good excuse, as my copy and pasting abilities never received the credit they deserved

[dawson99]

i did hear the worst joke ever today...

knock knock
whos there
Vee ask zee questions!!!!!

very bizarre.
So im back to watching lost, but its been ages, and cant remember what ive seen and what i havent. i remember some dudes in the north pole or something seeing them and saying something? was that at end of 2 or 3? coz im half way through 3 now and confuddled as ive seen some of it

[account deleted by request]

I am watching all the old Barney Miller's at the moment. (might be before your time mate?)

Never watched lost so I can't help

[shanks72]

My bro told me another joke....don't know if it's true though....


The Queen Mother was visiting an old people's home and she asked an old lady:

"Do you know who I am?"

The old lady replied:

"No, but if you ask at the desk they will tell you"   

[account deleted by request]

My bro told me another joke....don't know if it's true though....


The Queen Mother was visiting an old people's home and she asked an old lady:

"Do you know who I am?"

The old lady replied:

"No, but if you ask at the desk they will tell you"   

[Kharhaz]

2 moths on the wall
1 moth says to the other moth
"im off!"

[woof woof !]

what the feck is going on with the real world lately?

its absolute turd, where is everybody?
i blame the big klinks for making some of 'us' klinks.

im scared, people changing too much, anyhoo....

i gonna go buy a lion bar

Think it's not just the Real World Dawsinio, the entire forum has been boring me sh'itless for weeks now. I'm regretting my decision to cut down on my alchohol intake, I haven't bought a bottle of vodka for over a week and last night found myself filling my trusty pint glass with wine  , just to kill the monotony .

Anyways the postman has just been , I've got six new dvd's from Hong Kong ,Yay  ,

But before I start watching them I'm off to Sainsburys for a couple of  bottles of Zubrowka .

[account deleted by request]

what the feck is going on with the real world lately?

its absolute turd, where is everybody?
i blame the big klinks for making some of 'us' klinks.

im scared, people changing too much, anyhoo....

i gonna go buy a lion bar

Think it's not just the Real World Dawsinio, the entire forum has been boring me sh'itless for weeks now. I'm regretting my decision to cut down on my alchohol intake, I haven't bought a bottle of vodka for over a week and last night found myself filling my trusty pint glass with wine  , just to kill the monotony .

Anyways the postman has just been , I've got six new dvd's from Hong Kong ,Yay  ,

But before I start watching them I'm off to Sainsburys for a couple of  bottles of Zubrowka .

Thats because the Klinks ban anyone who looks like they are going to be fun posters

The reign of terror is starting to bite deep now

[Judge]

Nothing really, but it sounded like a good excuse, as my copy and pasting abilities never received the credit they deserved

that is true 

[dawson99]

man goes into the dentist one night and says i think im a moth

why did you come in the dentist then the dentist replies

'well, the light was on'

zoom zoom zoom, thank you scrubs, im here all week


we miss drunk dog!

[account deleted by request]

man goes into the dentist one night and says i think im a moth

why did you come in the dentist then the dentist replies

'well, the light was on'

zoom zoom zoom, thank you scrubs, im here all week


we miss drunk dog!

Are you are just trying to tempt me into posting a joke with all these crappy old gags Dawson?   

[dawson99]

no, what im attempting to do is... oh frick i dunno.

but no, no pasting jokes!!! tell us a new one, if u get 3 s from 3 different people by 2pm then the joke curfew is lifted!!!

[Judge]

no, what im attempting to do is... oh frick i dunno.

but no, no pasting jokes!!! tell us a new one, if u get 3 s from 3 different people by 2pm then the joke curfew is lifted!!!

its 4 people dawson 

[account deleted by request]

no, what im attempting to do is... oh frick i dunno.

but no, no pasting jokes!!! tell us a new one, if u get 3 s from 3 different people by 2pm then the joke curfew is lifted!!!

Damn I have only just seen this   

I will post something for Shanks72, at least she always pretends to like my jokes!!!

1. WHY DO MEN BECOME SMARTER DURING SEX?
(because they are plugged into a genius)

2. WHY DON'T WOMEN BLINK DURING SEX?
(they don't have enough time)

3. WHY DOES IT TAKE 1 MILLION SPERM TO FERTILIZE ONE EGG?
(they don't stop to ask directions)

4. WHY DO MEN SNORE WHEN THEY LIE ON THEIR BACKS?
(because their balls fall over their butt-hole and they vapor lock)

5. WHY WERE MEN GIVEN LARGER BRAINS THAN DOGS?
(so they won't hump women's legs at cocktails parties)

6. WHY DID GOD MAKE MEN BEFORE WOMEN?
(you need a rough draft before you make a final copy)

7. HOW MANY MEN DOES IT TAKE TO PUT A TOILET SEAT DOWN?
(don't know.....it never happened)

8. WHY DID GOD PUT MEN ON EARTH?
(because a vibrator can't mow the lawn)

A couple is lying in bed. The man says,
'I am going to make you the happiest woman in the world.'
The woman replies, 'I'll miss you....'


'It's just too hot to wear clothes today,' Jack says as he stepped out of the shower, 'honey, what do you think the neighbors would think if I mowed the lawn like this?'
'Probably that I married you for your money,' she replied.


Q: What do you call an intelligent, good looking, sensitive man?
A: A rumor


Dear Lord,
I pray for Wisdom to understand my man; Love to forgive him; And Patience for his moods. Because, Lord, if I pray for Strength, I'll beat him to death.
AMEN



Q: Why do little boys whine?
A: They are practicing to be men.

Q: What does it mean when a man is in your bed gasping for breath and calling your name?
A: You did not hold the pillow down long enough.

Q: How do you keep your husband from reading your e-mail?
A: Rename the mail folder 'Instruction Manual.'

[account deleted by request]

How many men does it take to open a beer?
None. It should be opened when she brings it.

Why is a Laundromat a really bad place to pick up a woman?
Because a woman who can't even afford a washing machine will probably never be able to support you.

Why do women have smaller feet than men?
It's one of those 'evolutionary things' that allows them to stand closer to the kitchen sink.

How do you know when a woman is about to say something smart?
When she starts a sentence with 'A man once told me.'

How do you fix a woman's watch?
You don't, there is a clock on the oven.

Why do men pass gas more than women?
Because women can't shut up long enough to build up the required pressure.

If your dog is barking at the back door and your wife is yelling at the
front door, who do you let in first?
The dog, of course. He'll shut up once you let him in.

What's worse than a Male Chauvinist Pig?
A woman who won't do what she's told.

I married a Miss Right.
I just didn't know her first name was Always.

Scientists have discovered a food that diminishes a woman's sex drive by 90%
It's called a Wedding Cake.

Why do men die before their wives?
They want to.

Women will never be equal to men until they can walk down the street with a bald head and a beer gut, and still think they are sexy


In the beginning, God created the earth and rested.
Then God created Man and rested.
Then God created Woman.
Since then, neither God nor Man has rested.