Liverpool FC Forum

[dawson99]

better looking than some of the contestants to be fair

[account deleted by request]

lol, i tried to climb ben nevis last time i was in scotland, took a long weekend. found a pub at the bottom and...well, ended up not getting that far lol

Woof and Dawson were deep in a Highland forest, on a Newkit adventure weekend. Neither had any real map-reading skills and they soon became separated from the other members of their team. All they knew was that the final rendezvous point was a remote pub called, 'The Wee Stump Inn.'
They trudged through the woods for hours, hopelessly lost until they came to what looked like a fork in the forestry trail. They couldn't agree on which path to take. Eventually, they decided to take one path each. They shook hands and resolved that the last man back to the pub would pay for the drinks.
Four hours later, Woof was sitting at the pub fireside, enjoying his pint, when Dawson staggered in. He was cut, bleeding, battered and bruised as if he had been mugged by a rugby team.
Once the men in the pub got the man settled, he explained, "I must have gone around in circles for hours, until I heard the sound of an idling car engine. I headed toward the sound and found a car in a clearing at the end of what looked like a 'lovers lane'. The car was all steamed up and I couldn't see who was inside, but I could hear more than one voice. So, I thought that I could ask for directions and I knocked on the driver's window. Now, the man in the car must have been a complete psychopath, because as soon as I asked him, 'How far is the Wee Stump Inn?' he jumped out of the car and beat the sh*t out of me!"

[Ciggy]

Good ole Billo Kenwright 

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=YYRWLTjrAzA

[Ciggy]

Heres a site for you Daws you will love this Meat Hats 

http://www.hatsofmeat.com/

[Ciggy]

Mince Cap

[dawson99]

hats made of meat rock!!! reminds me of my sausage fez from 1997

[AB's Red Army]

Hows it going lads and lasses

[dawson99]

we're discussing hats of meat, hows this ab? good i hope

[AB's Red Army]

Snow and cold. A change after many years of constant heat and humidity

[dawson99]

al preffered the cold, u can speed up to warm up, in the warm ur just fecked

[shanks72]

no, what im attempting to do is... oh frick i dunno.

but no, no pasting jokes!!! tell us a new one, if u get 3 s from 3 different people by 2pm then the joke curfew is lifted!!!

Damn I have only just seen this   

I will post something for Shanks72, at least she always pretends to like my jokes!!!

1. WHY DO MEN BECOME SMARTER DURING SEX?
(because they are plugged into a genius)

2. WHY DON'T WOMEN BLINK DURING SEX?
(they don't have enough time)

3. WHY DOES IT TAKE 1 MILLION SPERM TO FERTILIZE ONE EGG?
(they don't stop to ask directions)

4. WHY DO MEN SNORE WHEN THEY LIE ON THEIR BACKS?
(because their balls fall over their butt-hole and they vapor lock)

5. WHY WERE MEN GIVEN LARGER BRAINS THAN DOGS?
(so they won't hump women's legs at cocktails parties)

6. WHY DID GOD MAKE MEN BEFORE WOMEN?
(you need a rough draft before you make a final copy)

7. HOW MANY MEN DOES IT TAKE TO PUT A TOILET SEAT DOWN?
(don't know.....it never happened)

8. WHY DID GOD PUT MEN ON EARTH?
(because a vibrator can't mow the lawn)

A couple is lying in bed. The man says,
'I am going to make you the happiest woman in the world.'
The woman replies, 'I'll miss you....'


'It's just too hot to wear clothes today,' Jack says as he stepped out of the shower, 'honey, what do you think the neighbors would think if I mowed the lawn like this?'
'Probably that I married you for your money,' she replied.


Q: What do you call an intelligent, good looking, sensitive man?
A: A rumor


Dear Lord,
I pray for Wisdom to understand my man; Love to forgive him; And Patience for his moods. Because, Lord, if I pray for Strength, I'll beat him to death.
AMEN



Q: Why do little boys whine?
A: They are practicing to be men.

Q: What does it mean when a man is in your bed gasping for breath and calling your name?
A: You did not hold the pillow down long enough.

Q: How do you keep your husband from reading your e-mail?
A: Rename the mail folder 'Instruction Manual.'

And I've only just seen this S@int, but love it!!!

   

[shanks72]

but this is my fav....

6. WHY DID GOD MAKE MEN BEFORE WOMEN?
(you need a rough draft before you make a final copy)

      

[dawson99]

actually god wasnt even gonna make a woman but adam got a crease in his favourite shirt and needed it sorted

[shanks72]

actually god wasnt even gonna make a woman but adam got a crease in his favourite shirt and needed it sorted

...'cause he couldn't SORT it himself no doubt..   

[Ciggy]

Got to go to the Docs at two, worried sick drank myself into a balivion last night hopefully nothing serious nerves  are gone.