Liverpool FC Forum

[Dom1]

YUKK    

[Owzat]

Heres one for you Cheesedick:

How to get rid of a Cheesydick:

First walk into bathroom, apply the hot tap and bubble bath let the bath run to about 1 foot in hot water then apply the cold tap as well then when the bath is about 2 and a half feet deep turn off taps.  Take off your Manchester United kit and Dirty Nappy and jump into bath.  Pick up soap and run up a soapy lather in your hand, hold dick and scrub thoroughly around the base and foreskin and rub up and down your dick and make sure it is very soapy(in your case it has been a few years for your dick to smell that bad so rub for about 4 hours) and bobs your uncle you wont have a cheese dick.

you can shut the f##k up too mincer

Oh come on that was a good tip

so is 'dont wipe your a#se with a broken bottle !'

I will have to tell Chris Peo to stop that, that is why he is always shitting blood

Diouf has the opposite problem - he is bleeding sh1t 

[cheesecakery]

Fitting a new door.
If fitting a new carpet, make a note of the original height of the base of the door before removal. Do this by cutting a line in the side wall level with the two bottom corners of the door, using a knife. When the door is removed, and the carpet fitted, this original door base line can be used as a reference point to decide how much is to be removed.
Trimming the bottom of the door may require some planing, possibly some sawing or perhaps adding some wooden strips. Use hardwearing polyurethane varnish on the bottom if used in damp areas.
On weaker doors always remove wood from both sides, and from top and bottom for an evenly stressed door. A little extra wood left on the hinge side does no harm.
If fitting a new door or hinges, get the door to a nice fit then place a couple of small wedges under the door while in place, allowing you to accurately mark the hinge positions. Remove and cut out the hinge recesses. Always use strong screws. Leave the screws slightly loose, so the hinges can align correctly. Check the door opens and shuts as needed. Tighten the hinge screws and re-check. Mark out and cut the openings for the handle and catch or lock fittings. Check the fit of all and refine as needed. Remove the door, fit any glass, letterboxes, spy holes or other components, then sand down fully, lacquer, or apply undercoat and paint. With the door off and left horizontal in a clean room without dust, the paint will flow evenly on one side for a perfect finish. When dry, turn over and paint or varnish the other side. For outside use, always give a few extra coats of paint or varnish. Refit all components and remount. Fit any draught excluders if required.

When all the paintwork and other fittings are done, the wallpapering can commence.

[Dom1]

Fitting a new door.
If fitting a new carpet, make a note of the original height of the base of the door before removal. Do this by cutting a line in the side wall level with the two bottom corners of the door, using a knife. When the door is removed, and the carpet fitted, this original door base line can be used as a reference point to decide how much is to be removed.
Trimming the bottom of the door may require some planing, possibly some sawing or perhaps adding some wooden strips. Use hardwearing polyurethane varnish on the bottom if used in damp areas.
On weaker doors always remove wood from both sides, and from top and bottom for an evenly stressed door. A little extra wood left on the hinge side does no harm.
If fitting a new door or hinges, get the door to a nice fit then place a couple of small wedges under the door while in place, allowing you to accurately mark the hinge positions. Remove and cut out the hinge recesses. Always use strong screws. Leave the screws slightly loose, so the hinges can align correctly. Check the door opens and shuts as needed. Tighten the hinge screws and re-check. Mark out and cut the openings for the handle and catch or lock fittings. Check the fit of all and refine as needed. Remove the door, fit any glass, letterboxes, spy holes or other components, then sand down fully, lacquer, or apply undercoat and paint. With the door off and left horizontal in a clean room without dust, the paint will flow evenly on one side for a perfect finish. When dry, turn over and paint or varnish the other side. For outside use, always give a few extra coats of paint or varnish. Refit all components and remount. Fit any draught excluders if required.

When all the paintwork and other fittings are done, the wallpapering can commence.

or you can just get the wife to do it for you!! 

[cheesecakery]

Fitting a new door.
If fitting a new carpet, make a note of the original height of the base of the door before removal. Do this by cutting a line in the side wall level with the two bottom corners of the door, using a knife. When the door is removed, and the carpet fitted, this original door base line can be used as a reference point to decide how much is to be removed.
Trimming the bottom of the door may require some planing, possibly some sawing or perhaps adding some wooden strips. Use hardwearing polyurethane varnish on the bottom if used in damp areas.
On weaker doors always remove wood from both sides, and from top and bottom for an evenly stressed door. A little extra wood left on the hinge side does no harm.
If fitting a new door or hinges, get the door to a nice fit then place a couple of small wedges under the door while in place, allowing you to accurately mark the hinge positions. Remove and cut out the hinge recesses. Always use strong screws. Leave the screws slightly loose, so the hinges can align correctly. Check the door opens and shuts as needed. Tighten the hinge screws and re-check. Mark out and cut the openings for the handle and catch or lock fittings. Check the fit of all and refine as needed. Remove the door, fit any glass, letterboxes, spy holes or other components, then sand down fully, lacquer, or apply undercoat and paint. With the door off and left horizontal in a clean room without dust, the paint will flow evenly on one side for a perfect finish. When dry, turn over and paint or varnish the other side. For outside use, always give a few extra coats of paint or varnish. Refit all components and remount. Fit any draught excluders if required.

When all the paintwork and other fittings are done, the wallpapering can commence.

or you can just get the wife to do it for you!! 

not if youve killed her and buried her under the patio you cant

[greenred]

   

[cheesecakery]

Laying a patio

Dig out the topsoil and save for elsewhere in the garden. How far you dig down below the topsoil will depend on the patio(and how big your wife was) For light use, the slabs can be laid on a compacted 50mm bed of sand. More stable, and recommended for most patios, is a 50mm semi-dry mix of sand and cement.
Areas of heavy use should have a compacted 75mm layer of hardcore below the sand/cement mix. For vehicle use, the hardcore bed should be 150mm. Hardcore is broken brick and rubble, which is laid over the ground and compacted to provide a firm stable base. The area of the patio multiplied by the thickness of hardcore needed will tell you the volume of hardcore required, but remember to allow a bit extra as it will be compacted.
Once you have prepared the base, begin to lay the flagstones in one corner.
For light use, trowel five generous dabs of mortar on to the base and lay the first slab in place. Tap the surface of the slab with the end of a club hammer and check with a spirit level in both directions remembering to allow for the fall. This is where the string between pegs really helps since you can use it as a guide.

You can also lay paving directly onto the sand. This will need to be carefully levelled to support the slabs fully. By putting battens at intervals in the sand, with their tops at the appropriate level, use a straight edge to level the sand between them by drawing it along the battens. 

Lay the next slab. Some paving can be butted together but there will usually be a 5-10mm joint. Cut pieces of hardboard to use as small spacers and wedge them between the paving to keep this gap even.
Now, fill in gaps with cut slabs.

Finish off by forcing a fairly dry mortar mix into the gaps with a trowel and brushing off the excess before it dries.

[gaz31]

Laying a patio

Dig out the topsoil and save for elsewhere in the garden. How far you dig down below the topsoil will depend on the patio(and how big your wife was) For light use, the slabs can be laid on a compacted 50mm bed of sand. More stable, and recommended for most patios, is a 50mm semi-dry mix of sand and cement.
Areas of heavy use should have a compacted 75mm layer of hardcore below the sand/cement mix. For vehicle use, the hardcore bed should be 150mm. Hardcore is broken brick and rubble, which is laid over the ground and compacted to provide a firm stable base. The area of the patio multiplied by the thickness of hardcore needed will tell you the volume of hardcore required, but remember to allow a bit extra as it will be compacted.
Once you have prepared the base, begin to lay the flagstones in one corner.
For light use, trowel five generous dabs of mortar on to the base and lay the first slab in place. Tap the surface of the slab with the end of a club hammer and check with a spirit level in both directions remembering to allow for the fall. This is where the string between pegs really helps since you can use it as a guide.

You can also lay paving directly onto the sand. This will need to be carefully levelled to support the slabs fully. By putting battens at intervals in the sand, with their tops at the appropriate level, use a straight edge to level the sand between them by drawing it along the battens. 

Lay the next slab. Some paving can be butted together but there will usually be a 5-10mm joint. Cut pieces of hardboard to use as small spacers and wedge them between the paving to keep this gap even.
Now, fill in gaps with cut slabs.

Finish off by forcing a fairly dry mortar mix into the gaps with a trowel and brushing off the excess before it dries.

WARNING !!!!! BE VERY CAREFUL WHEN WALKING ON CHEESEYS PATIO !!!! ITS FULL OF UNEXPECTED TRAP DOORS LEADING TO VARIOUS UNDERGROUND ROOMS FULL OF PEOPLE WHO HAV'NT SEEN DAYLIGHT FOR MANY YEARS!!!
HE CALLS THEM HIS SEX PRISONERS AND SOME OF THEM ARE IN THEIR 70'S ........SADDO>>>>

[Dom1]

i dont get it cheesecakery where is the corner?

[cheesecakery]

i dont get it cheesecakery where is the corner?

its where you used to stand at school , wearing the hat with the 'D' on it , remember ?

[Dom1]

k, that corner i know now!!

but on a serious note, it is called Cheesey's DIY corner..............wheres the corner!!

[supersub]

Cheesey will make the corner tomorrow with balsa wood,a fairy liquid bottle and some double-sided sticky tape.

[82-1074641017]

i dont get it cheesecakery where is the corner?

its where you used to stand at school , wearing the hat with the 'D' on it , remember ?

Memories sweet memories

Roberts

[112-1077774096]

I have a problem. I now live in Malaysia which is a Muslim Country. Coming from Liverpool it is taking time to get accustomed to the cultures. Obviously a lot of the girls wear headscarfs out her as we are not supposed to see their hair. Anyway my problem is whether its ethically right after sex to wipe my Knob on the headscarf. Please help me as my curtains are getting stiff. 

[82-1074641017]

I have a problem. I now live in Malaysia which is a Muslim Country. Coming from Liverpool it is taking time to get accustomed to the cultures. Obviously a lot of the girls wear headscarfs out her as we are not supposed to see their hair. Anyway my problem is whether its ethically right after sex to wipe my Knob on the headscarf. Please help me as my curtains are getting stiff. 

You live around the corner from me PeeWee you lying git, dont start lying again even as Tintin you didnt lie this much.

Roberts