Liverpool FC Forum

by **account deleted by request** » Tue Mar 16, 2010 7:19 pm

Man assaulted female police officer with penis

The court heard Marium Varinauskas had been drinking heavily
A man who assaulted a female police officer with his penis has been fined.

Marium Varinauskas, 28, tried to strike the officer on the head with his penis when she was called out to his flat, but she got out of the way.

Lithuanian Varinauskas admitted a charge of assault at Aberdeen Sheriff Court and was fined £600.

:laugh:

by **red37** » Tue Mar 16, 2010 9:39 pm

.....dickhead

by **Kharhaz** » Tue Mar 16, 2010 11:43 pm

woof woof ! wrote: .

You took him to his christening dressed as a Man City supporter ?

Hopefully in years too come he'll find it in his heart to forgive you.

He is dressed in Slovakia colours of course ! A mini Martin Skrtel. :nod

by **zarababe** » Wed Mar 17, 2010 12:55 am

Kharhaz wrote:Got my boy christened yesterday. After he almost ate the entire booklet they gave out we got a talking to by the vicar about having to feed the kids to encourage growth, which was embarassing as their was another family their whose kid sat all trendy in a tuxedo and well behaved while my boy was munching on a hymn book. Since he got christened he has been ill, we checked for any signs of burning or numbers on his head so it cant be that ! Just a cold. Anyway heres a piccy of him, if hes lucky he will be as good looking as me

lol my babe luvs eating booklets and paper too.. try lactulose it works :upside:

glad to hear my little one ain;t the only paper eater around :lookaround

have to admit I lurved eating tissues when I was little

congrats on the christening by they way.. red would have suited the lad though !

by **Kharhaz** » Wed Mar 17, 2010 1:10 am

zarababe wrote: lol my babe luvs eating booklets and paper too.. try lactulose it works glad to hear my little one ain;t the only paper eater around

have to admit I lurved eating tissues when I was little

congrats on the christening by they way.. red would have suited the lad though !

Thanks. Good to know its not just mine !

He is also the only kid, out of all the others that we have had and my brothers that is able to eat his own foot ! I tell ya, if he sees it, its going in his mouth !

by **zarababe** » Wed Mar 17, 2010 2:19 am

lol mine too, if it ain't the paper (little recycler) it's the toes.. the younglings of today ay

by **woof woof !** » Thu Mar 18, 2010 8:30 am

A store that sells new husbands has opened in New York City , where a woman may go to choose a husband. Among the instructions at the entrance is a description of how the store operates:

You may visit this store ONLY ONCE! There are six floors and the value of the products increase as the shopper ascends the flights. The shopper may choose any item from a particular floor, or may choose to go up to the next floor, but you cannot go back down except to exit the building!

So, a woman goes to the Husband Store to find a husband. On the first floor the sign on the door reads:

Floor 1 - These men Have Jobs

She is intrigued, but continues to the second floor, where the sign reads:

Floor 2 - These men Have Jobs and Love Kids.

'That's nice,' she thinks, 'but I want more.' So she continues upward. The third floor sign reads:

Floor 3 - These men Have Jobs, Love Kids, and are Extremely Good Looking.

'Wow,' she thinks, but feels compelled to keep going. She goes to the fourth floor and the sign reads:

Floor 4 - These men Have Jobs, Love Kids, are Drop-dead Good Looking and Help With Housework.

'Oh, mercy me!' she exclaims, 'I can hardly stand it!' Still, she goes to the fifth floor and the sign reads:

Floor 5 - These men Have Jobs, Love Kids, are Drop-dead Gorgeous, Help with Housework, and Have a Strong Romantic Streak.

She is so tempted to stay, but she goes to the sixth floor, where the sign reads:

Floor 6 - You are visitor 31,456,012 to this floor. There are no men on this floor. This floor exists solely as proof that women are impossible to please. Thank you for shopping at the Husband Store.

PLEASE NOTE:

To avoid gender bias charges, the store's owner opened a New Wives store just across the street.

The first floor has wives that love sex.

The second floor has wives that love sex, have money and like beer.

The third, fourth, fifth and sixth floors have never been visited.

by **babu** » Thu Mar 18, 2010 9:19 am

woof that was posted in the jokes thread awhile back. But still funny

by **Ciggy** » Thu Mar 18, 2010 1:46 pm

Just been the shop on me bike, paid for my messages went outside the bag had gone off the bike, didnt have me fone with me went back in the shop asked could I ring home cause my bag had been stolen.

Rang the other half can you come and get the messages off me Im outside the bakers.

He roars laughin.................................

I went the shop on his bike :lookaround

by **stmichael** » Thu Mar 18, 2010 1:57 pm

police stopped me the other day and told me that they had seen my dog chasing a man on a bike.

"can't be mine" i said. "my dog hasn't got a bike".

by **laza** » Thu Mar 18, 2010 2:14 pm

Just one word entry in the diary today "Damn"

by **babu** » Thu Mar 25, 2010 2:41 am

Lads,

I am going to a break from the forum. This season is really affecting my mental health and reading about this terrible season is only making it worse. I cannot wait for the season to be over. I'll keep the faith and pray for 4th.

I'll be back on when the season ends and the world cup starts.

C'mon you Reds!!!

by **Kharhaz** » Fri Mar 26, 2010 12:07 am

Grenouilles typiques, la fuite quand les choses se corsent! tut.

by **Woollyback** » Fri Mar 26, 2010 1:37 am

hamburgesa con queso y patatas fritas, y dos san miguel por favor

by **Bad Bob** » Fri Mar 26, 2010 2:47 am

Wayhey, Woolly's back! :cool:

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