dawson99 wrote:judge me ol chipper, hows tricks? things good? good
yes mate
hows the texting to sarah going?
The Real World - The Dog and Gorilla
by jkop » Fri Apr 20, 2007 2:59 pm
s@int wrote:jkop wrote:Joke time............
A granny, a mother and a daughter were sitting talking one night,
The daughter said last night i got £40 for a blowj0b,
The mother said £40 in my day it was £5 pound,
The granny then replied £5 pound, in my day we we're just happy for the warm drink.Cracking joke jkop... a couple of weeks and I will be posting it
Why thankyou S@int, but you still own the crown of the best joke teller.
Were not Brazil were Norn Iron.
Faugh a Ballagh.
YNWA
Healy......Healy !!!!!
-
jkop - >> LFC Elite Member <<
- Posts: 2036
- Joined: Wed Jul 26, 2006 7:54 pm
- Location: northern ireland
by Judge » Fri Apr 20, 2007 3:01 pm
jkop wrote:s@int wrote:jkop wrote:Joke time............
A granny, a mother and a daughter were sitting talking one night,
The daughter said last night i got £40 for a blowj0b,
The mother said £40 in my day it was £5 pound,
The granny then replied £5 pound, in my day we we're just happy for the warm drink.
Why thankyou S@int, but you still own the crown of the best joke teller.
s@int gets his jokes from that famous book - ''copy and paste weekly''
-
Judge - >> LFC Elite Member <<
- Posts: 20477
- Joined: Tue Jan 04, 2005 11:21 am
by dawson99 » Fri Apr 20, 2007 3:02 pm
Judge wrote:dawson99 wrote:judge me ol chipper, hows tricks? things good? good
yes mate
hows the texting to sarah going?
jealousy doesnt become u old chap
just drunken happy texts
and saint, oblivian sounds cool dude
and everyone else...buckaroo!!!
0118 999 881 999 119 7253
-
dawson99 - >> LFC Elite Member <<
- Posts: 25377
- Joined: Mon Apr 19, 2004 12:56 pm
- Location: in the mo fo hood y'all
by jkop » Fri Apr 20, 2007 3:05 pm
Judge wrote:jkop wrote:s@int wrote:jkop wrote:Joke time............
A granny, a mother and a daughter were sitting talking one night,
The daughter said last night i got £40 for a blowj0b,
The mother said £40 in my day it was £5 pound,
The granny then replied £5 pound, in my day we we're just happy for the warm drink.
Why thankyou S@int, but you still own the crown of the best joke teller.
s@int gets his jokes from that famous book - ''copy and paste weekly''
The cheat.
Were not Brazil were Norn Iron.
Faugh a Ballagh.
YNWA
Healy......Healy !!!!!
-
jkop - >> LFC Elite Member <<
- Posts: 2036
- Joined: Wed Jul 26, 2006 7:54 pm
- Location: northern ireland
by Judge » Fri Apr 20, 2007 3:13 pm
dawson99 wrote:Judge wrote:dawson99 wrote:judge me ol chipper, hows tricks? things good? good
yes mate
hows the texting to sarah going?
jealousy doesnt become u old chap
just drunken happy texts
and saint, oblivian sounds cool dude
and everyone else...buckaroo!!!
not me fella
-
Judge - >> LFC Elite Member <<
- Posts: 20477
- Joined: Tue Jan 04, 2005 11:21 am
by account deleted by request » Fri Apr 20, 2007 6:38 pm
And now something for the women
Q. How are husbands like lawn mowers?
A. They're hard to get started, they emit noxious odours, and half the time they don't work.
Q. How can you tell when a man is well hung?
A. When you can just barely slip your finger in between his neck and the noose.
Q. How do men define a "50/50" relationship?
A. We cook-they eat; we clean-they dirty; we iron-they wrinkle.
Q. How do men exercise on the beach?
A. By sucking in their stomachs every time they see a bikini.
Q. How do you get a man to stop biting his nails?
A. Make him wear shoes.
Q. How do you keep your husband from reading your e-mail?
A. Rename the mail folder "Instruction Manuals."
Q. How does a man show he's planning for the future?
A. He buys two cases of beer instead of one.
Q. How is Colonel Sanders like the typical male?
A. All he's concerned with is legs, breasts and thighs.
Q. What do most men consider a gourmet restaurant?
A. Any place without a drive-up window.
Q. What do you call a handcuffed man?
A. Trustworthy.
Q. What do you call the useless piece of skin on the end of a man's penis?
A. His body.
Q. What makes a man think about a candlelight dinner?
A. A power failure.
Q. What should you give a man who has everything?
A. A woman to show him how to work it.
Q. What do men and mascara have in common?
A. They both run at the first sign of emotion.
Q. What do men and pantyhose have in common?
A. They either cling, run, or don't fit right in the crotch!
Q. What do you instantly know about a well-dressed man?
A. His wife is good at picking out clothes.
Q. What's a man's definition of a romantic evening?
A. Sex.
Q. What's a man's idea of honestly in a relationship?
A. Telling you his real name.
Q. What's the best way to force a man to do sit ups?
A. Put the remote control between his toes.
Q. What's the difference between Big Foot and intelligent man?
A. Big Foot's been spotted a several times.
Q. What's the smartest thing a man can say?
A. "My wife says..."
Q. Why can't men get mad cow disease?
A. Because they're all pigs.
Q. Why do men like smart women?
A. Opposites attract.
Q. Why do men name their penises?
A. Because they don't like the idea of having a stranger make 90% of their decisions.
Q. Why do men need instant replay on TV sports?
A. Because after 30 seconds they forget what happened.
Q. Why do men whistle when they're sitting on the toilet?
A. Because it helps them remember which end they need to wipe.
Q. Why do only 10% of men make it to heaven?
A. Because if they all went, it would be Hell.
Q. What do you call a woman who knows where her husband is every night?
A. A widow.
Q. When do you care for a man's company?
A. When he owns it.
Q. What do men and sperm have in common?
A. They both have one in a million chance of becoming a human being.
Q. How are husbands like lawn mowers?
A. They're hard to get started, they emit noxious odours, and half the time they don't work.
Q. How can you tell when a man is well hung?
A. When you can just barely slip your finger in between his neck and the noose.
Q. How do men define a "50/50" relationship?
A. We cook-they eat; we clean-they dirty; we iron-they wrinkle.
Q. How do men exercise on the beach?
A. By sucking in their stomachs every time they see a bikini.
Q. How do you get a man to stop biting his nails?
A. Make him wear shoes.
Q. How do you keep your husband from reading your e-mail?
A. Rename the mail folder "Instruction Manuals."
Q. How does a man show he's planning for the future?
A. He buys two cases of beer instead of one.
Q. How is Colonel Sanders like the typical male?
A. All he's concerned with is legs, breasts and thighs.
Q. What do most men consider a gourmet restaurant?
A. Any place without a drive-up window.
Q. What do you call a handcuffed man?
A. Trustworthy.
Q. What do you call the useless piece of skin on the end of a man's penis?
A. His body.
Q. What makes a man think about a candlelight dinner?
A. A power failure.
Q. What should you give a man who has everything?
A. A woman to show him how to work it.
Q. What do men and mascara have in common?
A. They both run at the first sign of emotion.
Q. What do men and pantyhose have in common?
A. They either cling, run, or don't fit right in the crotch!
Q. What do you instantly know about a well-dressed man?
A. His wife is good at picking out clothes.
Q. What's a man's definition of a romantic evening?
A. Sex.
Q. What's a man's idea of honestly in a relationship?
A. Telling you his real name.
Q. What's the best way to force a man to do sit ups?
A. Put the remote control between his toes.
Q. What's the difference between Big Foot and intelligent man?
A. Big Foot's been spotted a several times.
Q. What's the smartest thing a man can say?
A. "My wife says..."
Q. Why can't men get mad cow disease?
A. Because they're all pigs.
Q. Why do men like smart women?
A. Opposites attract.
Q. Why do men name their penises?
A. Because they don't like the idea of having a stranger make 90% of their decisions.
Q. Why do men need instant replay on TV sports?
A. Because after 30 seconds they forget what happened.
Q. Why do men whistle when they're sitting on the toilet?
A. Because it helps them remember which end they need to wipe.
Q. Why do only 10% of men make it to heaven?
A. Because if they all went, it would be Hell.
Q. What do you call a woman who knows where her husband is every night?
A. A widow.
Q. When do you care for a man's company?
A. When he owns it.
Q. What do men and sperm have in common?
A. They both have one in a million chance of becoming a human being.
- account deleted by request
- Posts: 20690
- Joined: Sun Apr 30, 2006 5:11 am
by Woollyback » Fri Apr 20, 2007 6:47 pm
boing... boing... boing... boing... boing....
b*ll*c*ks and s*i*e
-
Woollyback - >> LFC Elite Member <<
- Posts: 12400
- Joined: Tue Mar 23, 2004 3:11 pm
- Location: Manchester
by account deleted by request » Fri Apr 20, 2007 7:09 pm
Judge wrote:jkop wrote:s@int wrote:jkop wrote:Joke time............
A granny, a mother and a daughter were sitting talking one night,
The daughter said last night i got £40 for a blowj0b,
The mother said £40 in my day it was £5 pound,
The granny then replied £5 pound, in my day we we're just happy for the warm drink.
Why thankyou S@int, but you still own the crown of the best joke teller.
s@int gets his jokes from that famous book - ''copy and paste weekly''
Its actually called copy and paste weak jokes monthly
- account deleted by request
- Posts: 20690
- Joined: Sun Apr 30, 2006 5:11 am
by shanks72 » Fri Apr 20, 2007 10:36 pm
s@int wrote:And now something for the women
Q. How are husbands like lawn mowers?
A. They're hard to get started, they emit noxious odours, and half the time they don't work.
Q. How can you tell when a man is well hung?
A. When you can just barely slip your finger in between his neck and the noose.
Q. How do men define a "50/50" relationship?
A. We cook-they eat; we clean-they dirty; we iron-they wrinkle.
Q. How do men exercise on the beach?
A. By sucking in their stomachs every time they see a bikini.
Q. How do you get a man to stop biting his nails?
A. Make him wear shoes.
Q. How do you keep your husband from reading your e-mail?
A. Rename the mail folder "Instruction Manuals."
Q. How does a man show he's planning for the future?
A. He buys two cases of beer instead of one.
Q. How is Colonel Sanders like the typical male?
A. All he's concerned with is legs, breasts and thighs.
Q. What do most men consider a gourmet restaurant?
A. Any place without a drive-up window.
Q. What do you call a handcuffed man?
A. Trustworthy.
Q. What do you call the useless piece of skin on the end of a man's penis?
A. His body.
Q. What makes a man think about a candlelight dinner?
A. A power failure.
Q. What should you give a man who has everything?
A. A woman to show him how to work it.
Q. What do men and mascara have in common?
A. They both run at the first sign of emotion.
Q. What do men and pantyhose have in common?
A. They either cling, run, or don't fit right in the crotch!
Q. What do you instantly know about a well-dressed man?
A. His wife is good at picking out clothes.
Q. What's a man's definition of a romantic evening?
A. Sex.
Q. What's a man's idea of honestly in a relationship?
A. Telling you his real name.
Q. What's the best way to force a man to do sit ups?
A. Put the remote control between his toes.
Q. What's the difference between Big Foot and intelligent man?
A. Big Foot's been spotted a several times.
Q. What's the smartest thing a man can say?
A. "My wife says..."
Q. Why can't men get mad cow disease?
A. Because they're all pigs.
Q. Why do men like smart women?
A. Opposites attract.
Q. Why do men name their penises?
A. Because they don't like the idea of having a stranger make 90% of their decisions.
Q. Why do men need instant replay on TV sports?
A. Because after 30 seconds they forget what happened.
Q. Why do men whistle when they're sitting on the toilet?
A. Because it helps them remember which end they need to wipe.
Q. Why do only 10% of men make it to heaven?
A. Because if they all went, it would be Hell.
Q. What do you call a woman who knows where her husband is every night?
A. A widow.
Q. When do you care for a man's company?
A. When he owns it.
Q. What do men and sperm have in common?
A. They both have one in a million chance of becoming a human being.
class, saint....and I think I'm liking the way you are thinking...
REST IN PEACE DRUMMERPHIL, YNWA
underneath are the everlasting arms
deuteronomy 33:27
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shanks72 - >> LFC Elite Member <<
- Posts: 2232
- Joined: Sun Apr 02, 2006 10:06 pm
by Ciggy » Sat Apr 21, 2007 6:59 am
Mornin all 
There is no-one anywhere in the world at any stage who is any bigger or any better than this football club.
Kenny Dalglish 1/2/2011
REST IN PEACE PHIL, YOU WILL NEVER BE FORGOTTEN.
Kenny Dalglish 1/2/2011
REST IN PEACE PHIL, YOU WILL NEVER BE FORGOTTEN.
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Ciggy - >> LFC Elite Member <<
- Posts: 26826
- Joined: Thu Jul 15, 2004 2:36 pm
by woof woof ! » Sat Apr 21, 2007 7:10 am
Jeez , you're up early Cig , or have you just not gone to bed yet ?
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woof woof ! - Forum Moderator
- Posts: 21226
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by account deleted by request » Sat Apr 21, 2007 7:13 am
She's been up all night making her fancy new Sig , nice one ciggy 
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