Liverpool FC Forum

[babu]

[Judge]

good morning all

[woof woof !]

This woman obviously thought , "it's only a puddle" 












      

[account deleted by request]

1. If you are choking on an ice cube, don't panic. Simply pour a cup
of
boiling water down your throat and presto. The blockage will be almost
instantly removed.

2. Clumsy? Avoid cutting yourself while slicing vegetables by
getting
someone else to hold them while you chop away.

3. Avoid arguments with the Mrs. about lifting the toilet seat by
simply
using the sink.

4. For high blood pressure sufferers: simply cut yourself and bleed
for
a few minutes, thus reducing the pressure in your veins. Remember to
use a timer.

5. A mouse trap, placed on top of your alarm clock, will prevent you
from rolling over and going back to sleep after you hit the snooze
button.

6. If you have a bad cough, take a large dose of laxatives, then you
will be afraid to cough.

7. Have a bad toothache? Smash your thumb with a hammer and you will
forget about the toothache.

Sometimes, we just need to remember how simple the rules of life really
are
:

You only need two tools: WD-40 and Duct Tape.

If it doesn't move and should, use the WD-40.

If it shouldn't move and does, use the Duct Tape.

Remember:

Everyone seems normal until you get to know them.

Never pass up an opportunity to go to the bathroom.

If you woke up breathing, congratulations! You get another chance.

And finally, be really nice to your family and friends; you never know
when you might need them to empty your bedpan.

[Woollyback]

definition of posh #1: peple who get out of the bath to have a wee

definition of posh #2: people who take the dishes out of the sink before they have a poo

[account deleted by request]

definition of posh #1: peple who get out of the bath to have a wee

definition of posh #2: people who take the dishes out of the sink before they have a poo

I hope you have a waste disposal Wooly, using your finger to get it down the plughole might be unpleasant 

[babu]

definition of posh #1: peple who get out of the bath to have a wee

definition of posh #2: people who take the dishes out of the sink before they have a poo

I hope you have a waste disposal Wooly, using your finger to get it down the plughole might be unpleasant 

gross.

i did a pooh this morning that was so bad i had to have another shower right after.    (i'm in a sharing mood )

[66-1112520797]

definition of posh #1: peple who get out of the bath to have a wee

definition of posh #2: people who take the dishes out of the sink before they have a poo

I hope you have a waste disposal Wooly, using your finger to get it down the plughole might be unpleasant 

gross.

i did a pooh this morning that was so bad i had to have another shower right after.    (i'm in a sharing mood )

I'm all for sharing mate.


But to tell us you s.hit yourself, and then had to have a shower to clean the mess up. Is surely a need to know basis, and thats something we on newkitt dont need to know. 

[account deleted by request]

I apologise in advance for this joke, I just thought it was in keeping with recent posts

One day three women went camping - a blonde, a brunette and a redhead. The blonde suddenly had to go to the bathroom. She went into the woods with her toilet paper and did her business.

While she was gone, the brunette and the redhead decided to play a joke on her. They skinned a rabbit and snuck up on the blonde, put the guts behind her and ran back to the campsite. Three minutes later they heard a scream.

Then they waited another half an hour and the blonde came back, sweating. She said, "I had to poop so hard I pooped my guts out. But thanks be to God and these two fingers, I stuffed them back in."


Sorry

[Lando_Griffin]

So wrong, yet so believable, too!

[Judge]

morning

[jkop]

Joke time............

A granny, a mother and a daughter were sitting talking one night,

The daughter said last night i got £40 for a blowj0b,

The mother said £40 in my day it was £5 pound,

The granny then replied £5 pound, in my day we we're just happy for the warm drink.

[jkop]

morning

Morning Judge. And the rest of the forum.

[Judge]

[Dundalk]

Morning all, off to work we go