BBC sport predictions 2006

Please use this forum for general Non-Football related chat

Postby stmichael » Tue Jan 03, 2006 1:50 pm

From the bbc sport website


January

Roger Federer wins the Aussie Open final 0-6 0-6 7-5 6-0 6-0. His opponent, one Andrew Murray, seems to be coasting it until his entire body cramps up while leading 5-0 in the third.

Bravely, the young Scot carries on, and spends the whole of February with a masseuse.

Messrs Moyes, Bruce and McCarthy try to end it all by jumping out of a 15-storey transfer window. But they are spared after landing on a clutch of obscure internationals and football has-beens who are talking to Harry Redknapp.

The transfer window closes - but not before Chelsea spend £35m on a couple of players Arsenal were interested in. Jose Mourinho is pleased, even if he doesn't know who they are yet. Oh, and Chelsea are Premiership champions.



--------------------------------------------------------------------------------

February

The Six Nations begins with England beating Wales, thanks to a push-over try that begins on their own line. Andrew Sheridan appears in a TV adaptation of The Gruffalo.

The Winter Olympics get going in Turin. It's the first snow-free games ever and Britain comes into its own.

Two Brits win the 'Big Placcy-Bag Downhill'. The 'Home-Made-Go-Kart-Your-Dad-Helped-You-To-Build Bob Run' is won by Mr Thompson and son Graham from Halifax.

And some Scottish lasses retain the gold medal in the Curling, when they manage to do 17 old ladies' perms in five minutes.

Manchester United dominate the Carling Cup Final, but Wigan sneak a last-minute winner while Rio Ferdinand is trying to remember how many noughts there are in his win bonus.



--------------------------------------------------------------------------------

March

 
Barca chief wants revenge 

There is an almighty shock in Barcelona when Mourinho and Rijkaard accidentally meet in the referee's changing room at half-time.

On the pitch, Chelsea win 5-0, Lampard getting all five - every one of them a deflection, including the penalty. I dunno how he does it either.

The Commonwealth Games begin and end in Melbourne and Britain wins lots of medals. As always, the nation kids itself it has a fresh crop of dynamic sportspeople.

A shark is intorduced into the lane of Australian swimmers to even up the contest in the pool. It doesn't work. Paul Dickov and Didier Drogba win gold in the Synchronised Diving. Everyone agrees the Games were better in Manchester.



--------------------------------------------------------------------------------

April

The Grand Prix season begins with a whole new set of severe regulations. Schumacher wins in Australia - in an Austin Allegro. Alonso is way off the pace in his Vauxhall Viva. The Minardis still finish last.

The Grand National is won by a horse I didn't pick (see Grand Nationals since 1964).

Tiger Woods wins the US Masters and in a bizarre ceremony takes off his green jacket, congratulates himself, and puts it back on again.

Ronnie O'Sullivan denies disrespecting his opponent after trying to pot a ball by holding the cue between his buttocks.

Stephen Hendry gets his backside in gear to reach the world final, only to be stopped in his tracks by Jimmy White who, after getting Hendry's autograph, rejoins the audience to watch the Scot lose a last-frame decider against Steve Davis.



--------------------------------------------------------------------------------

May

 
Ashes win 

Play is held up on the first day of the England-Sri Lanka Test Match while Bill Frindall counts up the number of letters on the Sri Lankan team sheet. England win.

The FA Cup Final is between Portsmouth and Arsenal. Matthew Taylor comes on as sub and is the first Englishman to play in the final. Arsenal win 3-0, Jens Lehmann converting a last minute penalty after Pires back-heels the spot-kick too far.

Sunderland, Everton and Birmingham are relegated.

Sven-Goran Eriksson has his entire first team's metatarsals removed before the squad travel to Germany in a plane-come oxygen tent.



--------------------------------------------------------------------------------

June

It's the World Cup. There is a scintillating cavalcade of entertainment performed in a spirit of great gentlemanliness and camaraderie.

The opening ceremony over, Germany beat Costa Rica 1-0 and the dullness sets in. No one cares, mind you. It's footie every day and of course England win it!!!



--------------------------------------------------------------------------------

 
World Cup scores predictor 

July

No one knows what's going on anywhere. There's never been a longer binge-drinking session. The open-top bus parade will go down in history.

Posh and Colleen have a blazing row, Rio misses the bus, and Sven keeps yelling COME ON!!!!!!!!!! to the crowd like some mad Swedish banshee. Kevin Pietersen sneaks on too.

Meanwhile, Tim Henman is busy at Wimbledon - his commentary provides a great insight into Andrew Murray's preparation for his final against Federer. Murray is determined to win something for Scotland, but doesn't.

The Open Golf Championship is won by Colin Montgomerie. Scotland rejoices. The open-top bus parade through Edinburgh is a joy to behold.



--------------------------------------------------------------------------------

August

The football season re-commences but no one's bothered. The open-top bus parade hasn't finished yet. After three games, Reading, Wigan and Charlton are top of the table.

Meanwhile, cricket has a chance to shine, and the England boys get their revenge on Inzy, Kaneria and Shoaib by thumping them 3-0 in the series.

During a tea interval there is a bust-up between Inzy and Robert Key over some lovely fruit-cake. Mike Gatting sorts it out by grabbing the entire cake himself.



--------------------------------------------------------------------------------


Of course I'll work with Clive

September

The County Championship is won by...like you care. All right, let's say Hampshire. Captain Shane Warne has an open-top bus ride through Southampton.

Rupert Lowe signs him up as first-team coach at St Mary's. Sir Clive says he's very happy with the situation.



--------------------------------------------------------------------------------

October

Chelsea win the Premiership. (I know - how quick was that?) Sven-Goran Erikkson resigns in triumph as England coach and is replaced by Harry Redknapp. Clive Woodward takes over at Pompey.



--------------------------------------------------------------------------------

November

The Davis Cup Final is an entertaining battle between Macedonia and Uzbekistan.

The Ashes begin in Australia. Ricky Ponting is run out in the first innings and has another tizzy fit.

This time it is Kevin Pietersen's fault for unbelievably picking up the ball cleanly and hitting the stumps direct.



--------------------------------------------------------------------------------


It's Mr Personality

December

Ashes fever has gripped the nation once again. Work patterns are changed to make it easier for the great British public. The average working day is 2-10pm.

Sports Personality of the Year is won by Gary Neville, converter of the winning spot-kick in the penalty shoot-out of the World Cup Final victory against Germany. Did I mention we beat Germany in the final? You can always dream, folks.


:D
User avatar
stmichael
Forum Moderator
 
Posts: 22644
Joined: Tue Feb 10, 2004 3:06 pm
Location: Middlesbrough

Postby Reinas No.1 Fan » Tue Jan 03, 2006 5:28 pm

Lovely sense of humour
Liverpool FC
User avatar
Reinas No.1 Fan
>> LFC Elite Member <<
 
Posts: 1263
Joined: Thu Oct 07, 2004 4:21 pm
Location: York

Postby drummerphil » Tue Jan 03, 2006 5:36 pm

i thought Liverpool win champions league for sixth time in may,might have been there....... :laugh:
Image
my reason for living

   
Image





Bob Paisley : "Still we've had the hard times too - one year we finished second."

...
User avatar
drummerphil
>> LFC Elite Member <<
 
Posts: 4864
Joined: Wed May 26, 2004 7:13 pm
Location: on a cloud


Return to General Chat Forum

 


  • Related topics
    Replies
    Views
    Last post

Who is online

Users browsing this forum: No registered users and 18 guests