Liverpool FC Forum

[rse]

Okay, I know this is rubbish but its been a stupid idea rattling round my head for a couple of weeks now.  Apologies to all who read it.

GERARD HOULLIER'S TOOLBOX

It’s obvious since Gerard Houllier took charge at Liverpool FC that a
significant amount of his time has been spent thinking about and analysing
the pliers in his toolbox. Sometimes the contents of Gerard’s toolbox have
been exceptional in allowing jobs to be completed with skill and flair.
Gerard has occasionally commented that he thought his pliers were
magnificent.

However, there has also been frustration as his toolbox has often seemed to be inadequate to allow operation in an effective manner. Over the last few months Gerard has complained about injuries to his pliers, while others
have suggested that he has used some of his collection ofpliers
incorrectly for jobs that they were not designed for. Many have argued that
he has simply bought unwisely and he has loaded his toolbox with inferior
sets of pliers during his many visits to the industry suppliers.

It certainly appears that an abundance of jobs have not been executed to a
satisfactory industry standard, but Gerard Houllier has repeatedly defended
his pliers and stood by the choices he has made. He has told the press on
numerous occasions that he has been proud of his pliers, and when things
have gone wrong he has felt sorry for his pliers.

Reports over the last few days suggest that Gerard Houllier stands on the
brink concerning his role as manager of Liverpool FC. After examining a
reputable internet tool site for recommendations for a collection of pliers
that any self-respecting expert should possess, I have decided that it is
time to open the lid and examine the contents of Gerard’s toolbox. Has
Houllier got the correct collection of pliers? This is what I found.



LONG NOSE PLIERS: 

While Houllier currently has a shortage of this type of tool at the moment,
he has relied on a trusty older version in Phil Thompson. Although Thompson
cannot be accurately called a long nose plier, he is certainly a long nose
ex plier.

SLIP JOINT PLIERS: 

With long term successive injuries to his shoulder and his wrist, Chris
Kirkland is an excellent example of this type of plier.

DIAGONAL PLIERS: 

There is a distinct lack of diagonal pliers in the Houllier toolbox. With a
preference for a midfield that sits deep and with an often over reliance on
the long ball to the strikers Houllier does not seem to favour the diagonal
midfield approach. As a consequence he finds very limited use for this type
of tool.

RIB JOINT PLIERS:

Gerard appears to favour this type of plier more than any other. His two
rigid lines of four in defence and midfield rely heavily on the rib joint
principle. It is this philosophy that has left the Houllier toolbox short
of the previously mentioned diagonal pliers.


WATER PUMP PLIERS: 

It is essential to use this type of plier to ensure that your water pumps
are operating to maximum capacity. With a tendency towards gushing leaks in the middle of defence, it is absolutely critical that water pump pliers are employed to play next to Igor Biscan whenever he is included in the centre of the back four.

SPECIAL PURPOSE PLIERS: 

Upon first examination it appeared that this type of plier was missing from
the Gerard Houllier toolbox. He had mistakenly tried one or two different
types of pliers to fulfil the special purpose role of penalty taker but the
job was never carried out effectively. However, after much rummaging around at the bottom of the toolbox he has found Danny Murphy to be adequate for the fulfilment of this role.

LINE MANS PLIERS: 

This particular plier is often a popular choice with the masses but is
seldom preferred by the manager. Milan Baros would be a good example of
this type of tool as he spends most of his time sitting on the line while
many cant understand why he isn’t given a more substantial role.

NEEDLE NOSE PLIERS: 

There are a couple of examples of this type of plier currently in the
toolbox. El Hadji Diouf got the needle and spat in a Celtic supporters
face. Steven Gerrard has occasionally been known to allow the red mist to
descend when he has got the needle but with maturity he appears to be more
able to control it. The vast majority of Liverpool supporters seem to
favour discarding one of these needle nose pliers while the other is seen
as essential to any future success the club may achieve.



I hope this investigative report has been of value in assessing some of
Houllier’s collection of pliers , but lets not forget that
football isn’t just about the pliers. Where would the pliers be if it
wasn’t for the loyal fans that go to support the team week in and week out?

On the 30th April 1994 the Kop stood for the last time at Anfield. You can
relive the day that was the end of an era for the standing Kop with ‘Sing
When We’re Standing’, an audio cd of the Kop in full voice recorded during
that final home match in 1994. For more details about this unique cd please
visit  www.kopcd.co.uk

[Woollyback]

 

Presumably Houllier performs the role of spanner himself?

[woof woof !]

 

Presumably Houllier performs the role of spanner himself?

     
Wooly don't encourage him 

[Woollyback]

Can't help it - liquid lunch