Liverpool FC Forum

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Dear Abby solves your problems


I'm afraid Abby is off sick this week. It's that time of the month and she's got the decocorators in. This is her husband here and I'll do my best to help.

Q Dear Abby, my husband has said he wants a threesome with my best friend and me.

A Obviously your husband loves you very much, and cannot get enough of you!
Knowing that, he feels that he will have to settle for the next best thing- you and your best friend.
Far from being an issue, this can help bring you closer together.
Why not get some of your old college friends involved too?
If you feel a little embarrassed, maybe you could let him be with your friends, and go shopping for the day.
If you still aren't sure, then just perform oral sex on him.

Q Dear Abby, my husband has too many nights out with the boys.

A This is perfectly natural, healthy male behaviour and should be encouraged.
The male has inbuilt hunting instincts and needs to demonstrate his prowess to his peer- group. A night out drinking beer and chasing young girls is a great stress- reliever, and will foster a more peaceful and relaxing home.
Remember, nothing can rekindle the romance in a marriage like when he stays out for the night ( it's a great opportunity to clean the house, too )
Just look how emotional and happy he is when he comes home the next morning clutching a bunch of flowers!
The best reward you can give him is if you and your best friend perform oral sex on him.

Q Dear Abby, my husband has no idea where my clitoris is.

A And why on earth should he? Your clitoris is of no concern to him.
If you must fiddle with it, do it in your own time, you could even ask your best friend to help.
You may wish to videotape yourself while doing this, and present it to your husband as a birthday gift.
To ease your selfish conscience, you could cook him a delicious meal, then perform oral sex on him.

Q Dear Abby, my husband always has an orgasm, rolls over, farts, then falls asleep, leaving me high and dry.

A This is a problem page. Why have you written to me?

Q Dear Abby, my husband is not interested in foreplay.

A You are a selfish person for bringing this subject up, and should seek sensitivity counselling.
Foreplay to a man is very time consuming and stressful, especially if the footy is about to start.
What this means is you do not love your man enough- he should never have to work hard to get you in the mood, stop being so selfish.
Perhaps you can make it up to him by giving him some oral sex.

I hope my advice is helpful to all you girlies out there. Abby will be back next week. I don't know why she gets all this money. It's a piece of p*ss.

[112-1077774096]

One day a man walks into a bar. He is perfectly normal, except that he has an orange for a head. The bartender says "Why do you have an orange for a head?". The man starts to tell his story. "I was walking along the beach one day & I saw a lamp. I picked it up & started to clean it off. As I was rubbing it out came a Genie. He said that he had been trapped for a thousand years and as a reward for freeing him I could have any three wishes that I wanted.

For my first wish, I wished for a room full of naked beutiful women. When I woke up in the morning I was surrounded by all the worlds best looking ladies and they were all naked. I spent the whole day having sex in with them all and the next day and the next"

"For the second wish, I wished for a room full of money. I went to bed and when I woke up I was lying surrounded by sacks full of cash. So much money that I don't think I can ever spend it in Dollars, Euros, Pounds. Its a wonderful feeling"

"What was your third wish" asks the barman














































"I wished I had an orange for a head".       

[112-1077774096]

Sherlock Holmes and Dr Watson went on a camping trip. After a good meal and a bottle of wine they lay down for the night, and went to sleep.

Some hours later, Holmes awoke and nudged his faithful friend.

"Watson, look up at the sky and tell me what you see."

Watson replied, "I see millions and millions of stars."

"What does that tell you?"

Watson pondered for a minute. "Astronomically, it tells me that there are millions of galaxies and potentially billions of planets.
Astrologically, I observe that Saturn is in Leo. Horologically, I deduce that the time is approximately a quarter past three.
Theologically, I can see that God is all powerful and that we are small and insignificant. Meteorologically, I supect that we will have a beautiful day tomorrow. What does it tell you?"

Holmes was silent for a minute, then spoke. "Watson, you d*ckhead. Some b*stard has stolen our tent."

[dawson99]

oh the frivolity of a monday morning is apon us again. Only the second of july and already trying to work out how much money i will have for the rest of the month (we blame sky sports news for showing live greyhounds when we were obviously too drunk to bet properly)

now, a picture of an out-take from lost thats so far un seen...

[Ciggy]

Where the bloody hell has everyone gone?
Wheres woolly, Sophie, Andy, bob the pirate, JBG Laza, Judge.
where have they all dissapeared to ?

[woof woof !]

Where the bloody hell has everyone gone?
Wheres woolly, Sophie, Andy, bob the pirate, JBG Laza, Judge.
where have they all dissapeared to ?

Woolly logged in yesterday but he hasn't posted for almost a month. 

I guess we all go through phases where we can't be a'rsed with the relentless challenge this forum presents (    ) . Hopefully most of the gang will be back once the build up for the new season gets underway .

JBG is a bit of worry however . He was posting right up until the day of his wedding . Haven't heard from him since ! . Draw your own conclusions but never say you weren't warned.   

[66-1112520797]

This thread started with some idiot giving his final thoughts on the forum (2004) and yet the thread continues. Can't be bothered to read throught the next 1200 pages, anyone willing to give us new ones a summary of what this thread is actually about........

Dawson, Woof, Woolly anyone !

Can some explain to this guy what this threads about, I cant as I'm still trying to figure it out for myself.

[woof woof !]

It's a cunning security device thats designed to keep the slack a'rsed away from the innermost and most exciting part of the forum , buried within the Real World pages is a code that gives access to an area reserved for the forums Grand Masters  .  The Real Worlds sheer size, complexity and seemingly unstoppable growth intimidates the faint hearted and deters those with learning difficulties and short attention spans as evidenced by Poolmania's declaration

Can't be bothered to read through the next 1200 pages

.

[woof woof !]

failed link 

[112-1077774096]

so its sort of like a tardis then woof   

[woof woof !]

so its sort of like a tardis then woof   

, yeah , but it's a Red one.

[66-1112520797]

so its sort of like a tardis then woof   

, yeah , but it's a Red one.

What like this ?

[woof woof !]

No 

Like this

[woof woof !]

'Course that one's for parties .

This is my personal one.

[account deleted by request]

HER SIDE OF THE STORY:
He was in an odd mood Saturday night. We planned to meet at a pub for a drink. I spent the afternoon shopping with the girls and I thought it might have been my fault because I was a bit later than I promised, but he didn't say anything much about it. The conversation was very slow going so I thought we should go off somewhere more intimate so we could talk a bit more privately. We went to this restaurant and he was STILL acting a bit funny. I tried to cheer him up and started to wonder whether it was me or something else. I asked him, and he said no. But I wasn't really sure. So anyway, in the car on the way back home, I said that I loved him deeply and he just put his arm around me. I didn't know what the hell that meant because you know he didn't say it back or anything, this is really worrying me. We finally got back home and I was wondering if he was going to leave me! So I tried to get him to talk but he just switched on the TV, and sat with a distant look in his eyes that seemed to say it's all over between us.

Reluctantly, I said I was going to go to bed. Then after about 10 minutes, he joined me and to my surprise, he responded to my advances and we made love. But, he still seemed really distracted, so afterwards I just wanted to confront him but I just cried myself to sleep. I just don't know what to do anymore. I mean, I really think he's seeing someone else and that my life is a disaster.















HIS SIDE OF THE STORY:
Liverpool lost. Got a sh@g though.